To wish my husband would be more proactive about his migraines...

[CEADavies]

My hubby is very good usually & does an awful lot with our son and helps round the house.

I really appreciate this as I know many men don't

However in recent months his migraines have been getting worse (he's always suffered from them now & again) and I'm finding it hard to cope with as he's completely wiped out for a while day at the weekend and incapacitated.

I know migraines are nasty things. But what's upsetting/annoying me is that he's not doing anything to help himself (and by extension rest of family) to find causes/make them better/get help.

It took weeks of badgering to get him to doctors, where he wasn't v assertive about getting any help so came away with no prescription, advice.

He never has any correct tablets with him to counteract the migraines so they just get worse during the day. I think (though not sure) that he expects me to make sure he has some which I sometimes do but I'm not his mother. Without tablets his migraine just goes on all day & he can't do anything.

As I say he is usually v helpful so that's why I feel a such a b*tch for getting annoyed. But I wish he would help himself more to get over these spells, eg to reduce stress get more exercise, etc.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant with 2nd baby & I'm worried he'll keep getting these days where he's out of it. I also suffer from depression & am concerned that I'll have some postnatal depression as I did with first child. Perhaps I'm expecting him to be superhuman. But I wish he would take his own health seriously for his sake and for ours. Over the years I've worked my butt off to deal with my depression (tablets, counselling, mindfulness, etc) and I wish he would too with the migraines. Up to now I've been v sympathetic to his pain and I still am - but I just wish he would be able to find better ways of dealing with it. He gets grumpy if I try to suggest things he could do to mitigate the effects of the migraines.

Or maybe I'm just being pregnant, emotional & unreasonable?!

I understand your frustration. It's horrible when someone you care for doesn't seem to help themselves, and worse when it affects you as a family.

However, you might be a touch unreasonable, as migraines can be very difficult to manage. It reads a little like you think if he convinced his doctor to give him a prescription that would be the end, but often they don't respond to tablets anyway. If anything, I might push the doctor for further tests, if they're more frequent/different than before, to check for underlying issues. Though his increased stress levels could be contributing to the frequency, and it might work against you to keep pushing him about it.

You're not his mother, but for making things easier all around I would be making sure he has the tablets he needs on him/takes them. Also, from experience, if his migraine has started, it can be difficult to make decisions or think through tasks like actually taking something for the pain, I've gotten caught like that before.

YANBU, why is he getting arsey at you trying to suggest things he could help himself with?

Are you thinking he's maybe using them as a way of opting out?

Or perhaps that they're flagging up just how much stress he's under (if that's what's causing them) and he needs to sort that if you think you might depend on his support after your DC2 is born?

Maybe this will help.
www.patient.co.uk/health/migraine-triggers-and-diary
You or he should keep up the diary for 3 months, then go to his appointment, go in with him to talk to the doctor, and give him the printed out diary.

Or this diary. diary.migrainetrust.org/

Very helpful points of view guys, thank you.

Interesting point that me pushing him could be adding to his stress. I don't want to do that poor fella. I think I need to talk about it with him without 'nagging', try to find out all the things that are stressing him, and also encourage him to keep diary of migraines. Maybe this is a bit of a cliche but I find men can be quite hard to talk to about their health, admit things aren't going great! And I do worry about him getting more stressed than he was before esp with new baby coming.

Thank you for different ways of looking at this :)

You might be better off keeping the diary.

When I have an attack keeping a sodding diary is the last thing on the list. I have perscription painkillers and even these don't work sometimes...the weather is the main cause of this I've noticed so far.

Having migraines my self I know how crap and non functioning they make me. That being said, it must be difficult for you, looking after a child, being pg and trying to sort him out too. Have his his mg got worse sine you became pg? He might be worrying about money, a new baby etc, stress can make them more frequent.
When he's relaxed and willing to talk, bring up the diary keeping as others have said and get him to look at different treatments on the net.
Some doctors are far better at treating migraine suffers than others, as I've found out over the years! So it may be that rather than him not being not being assertive enough. Maybe he could try a different GP?
I take sumatriptan for my mg and it works pretty well, though I usually have a bad patch Feb/March time. God knows why, where nothing really works. The last time I saw a doctor about it, my GP was on holiday. I wanted to try the sumatriptan in nasal spray form, as when I'm bad I throw up the tablets before they can work. I thought the spray might help This one I'd not seen before offered me anti depressants. I was gob smacked. He said that they help some people and that they'd help me sleep, not once have I said I can't sleep. I said no thanks and left.
Hopefully the diary will help pin point the triggers. Mine are hormones, being over tired more so when I was younger and burning the caned at both ends and strong perfumes, I'm glad poison isn't as popular now, that used to give me a right stinker!!

I suffer from daily chronic headaches/migraines for the last 30 years - it's an awful affliction to live with so debilitating. If they can often leave you wiped out for a couple of days after an attack. Although he has them, you're both suffering.

Most men I know need that extra push to go & see the doctor when they are poorly. There are tablets that the GP can prescribe to help with the migraines & hopefully offer some relief.

Migraines are a real pain to live with, surely he doesn't want to continue like this, especially as it could be, in his case, quite easily sorted with the right medication. The sooner he gets to his GP the quicker he'll be feeling better & he'll need to feel better for when baby comes.

P.s just to add, is he taking a lot of codine/paracetamol/ ibuprofen on a frequent basis? I ask because if he's taking everyday or every other day it could be medication overuse headache - basically taking the tablets too often is actually causing rebound headaches so he has to stop with the painkillers.

Tell him to drink plenty of water too, that helps!

How often does he have them?
If it is very frequent he should be offered some preventative meds, it's trial and error to see what helps but beta blockers, anti depressants and pizotifen are used mainly.
When I first started getting migraines migralieve which you can get from the pharmacy was really helpful in getting rid of the pain and sickness. They no longer work for me and so I am prescribed a Triptan. The one used first is usually sumatriptan. I find they are the only thing that can get rid of a migraine once it has begun. A lifesaver because without them the pain lasts 3 days and I'm vomiting and can't move.
So buy migralieve. If they don't help then he needs to go back to the docs for a preventative and a treatment for when he has the migraine.

YANBU at all.

DH is lovely to me about mine, but his version of being supportive is pushing me to take my tablets and go and lie down in the dark. He'll take on whatever I'm doing so I can go and lie down. So he is sympathetic but he wouldn't tolerate me moping around the house for hours getting worse. It sounds like your DH is a much less obedient patient than I am though!

In your position I'd also make sure there are migraleve in the house if they help - you shouldn't have to,but there you are.

I am sympathetic to your DH in that the symptoms can build up quite gradually and I can spend hours with a bit of a nagging headache, convincing myself I am fine actually to avoid taking meds too often. The advice on migraine is to take tablets asap but you can't take them at every twinge, and it can be hard to judge. But I always carry at least ibuprofen. If he drives home from work, I would worry about his driving if he's regularly mid-attack with no painkillers.

The diaries and return visits to the GP are all really good advice but they do require him to do it, and I'm not sure he will. OP I would concentrate on getting him to sleep it off, if that helps him, and take migraleve or similar. Has he had his eyes tested recently?

Get him to get to the doctors and ask about beta blockers - I was prescribed these for migraine prophylaxis, and they're like a wonder drug, honestly.

just one word of warning, my cognitive function can be messed up for up to 2 days prior to the migraine hitting if i get a really bad one. Nothing really major but it has led to me not having the meds i need when i need them as clarity/memory.

Don't just have and give him migraleve. yes if you are not on prescription meds it is an over the counter option, but they would cause serious problems with some other meds I take. Additionally migraleve is bloody useless for my migraines and I know a lot of people who find the same thing.

If they are getting worse he needs to be checked. My were so bad that they did proper scans and stuff to rule out nastier things. But then again don't worry because most migraine sufferers don't get mistaken for a stroke with their migraine symptoms either.

Reminding me about my meds would get a very very arsey comment. Partly because of how the migraines affect me before they hit. Partly because of how they make me feel when they hit. Additionally I am a grown up stop nagging me like a child but there are reasons behind this that are totally not linked to migraines and would get the same response if you reminded me about anything unless i had asked to do so

There are options. Preventative meds, strong meds to relieve. Agree with diarys but both of you keeping one would be my advice. I have tells so that others can spot when I am due one that I can't see myself. Also I have triggers that can make an attach worse: stress, lack of sleep, too much caffine, certain foods

Please be aware that in some cases there is literally nothing that helps and the type of migraine will affect the options for treatments. I can't take my relieving med for some of the types of migraine I get as it is known to make those types worse. Dark room and rest is the only solution for those. A right royal pita, but if there is nothing that can treat them there is no option.

Yep yep to eyes tested, i have had glasses that triggered migraines before. Eyes can be a problem.

If you are anywhere near London get him to London Migraine Clinic. They are great & a charity so you make a donation. Go to the appointment with him as frankly, it sounds like you will end up managing it so you might as well hear the advice (also broken sleep triggers them and you are about to get lots of that). In my experience GPs often don't seem to know a lot about migraine.

The pharmacist will ask if you're on any meds that might clash with migralieve as it's behind the counter. Do go to the doctors of course but migralieve is good as it's just a pain killer plus anti sickness so if they help you can get them easily.

Why does he only get wiped out at the weekend? What happens during the week?

I would also suggest that he has his Iron and B12 levels checked. I was once having almost daily migraines, and my GP checked my Iron level as I looked a little pale. Turned out I was very anaemic. Once my iron level (Hb) was back up above 10 (Hb had dropped to 6.1 - half of what it should be) I had almost no migraines.
Then I started having them again, and they found that my B12 was low. Once on B12 the migraines vanished.
I would say a quick blood test to rule either Iron or B12 deficiency out may be a good idea, and both can be easily treated with tablets.

I agree that the day before or the day of the migraine isn't a good time to take action, you can end up quite confused and over-emotional with difficulty thinking about things, so best to stock up on Migraleve beforehand, if that works.

If that isn't enough, or if the frequency is high, then the suggestions made already are good- beta-blockers or low dose anti-depressants for prevention, Imigran works reactively for many people. He should go back to the GP.

Perhaps take the- how can we help you get this fixed approach rather than berate him, but definitely encourage action/help him get the medication if needs be. It doesn't have to be being like his mother- presumably he would get medication/make appointment for you if you needed them, I call this helping out within the family as long as it's not all one person doing it all the time.

By the way, to the person a little indignant about being offered anti-depressants, they are offered at a low dose and not for their anti-depressant qualities, many of these medications are multfunctional and we don't really understand why they work, just that they alter brain chemistry and that do. I wouldn't rule them out if my migraines were bad.

Could he be quite scared underneath it all?

I suffered from cluster migraines a few years ago, I'm not a hypochondriac but I could not actually believe that amount of pain didn't come with some kind of tumour. It was unbelievable.

I had to go into hospital and have a scan and a spinal, but there was no physical cause. I was very scared beforehand though.

Now I have a nasal spray and specific medications to hand, but they can sometimes come on with no real warning.

Someone said up thread about anti-depressants. They are commonly used as painkillers for neurological pain, including migraine.

I have terrible nerve pain in my feet due to a chronic condition I have. Amytriptaline is an old-fashioned antidepressant which has been like a miracle cure. My bil has migraines and also takes it, it's less effective for him but still helps. It does help you to sleep - because it's slightly sedating but also because I'm pain free! Hth.

Ime nothing really wipes out a migraine though. I do feel like non sufferers don't understand how bad they are, i go quite literally blind, and am wiped out for up to three days. But i am pretty sure my bos just thinks i have a headache! And doctors can be rubbish about them too- for the first few years i was prescribed something called paramax, which never seemed to help- i later realised it was just soluble paracetamol with an anti-emetic(i never get nausea and said so) talk about band aid to cover a bullet hole. Now i have triptans, that do make a dent, but that's all, and take antidepressants as prophylaxis,

anyway, what i am trying to say is don't expect there to be a silver bullet. I have given up hoping for one and just think it is the most debilitating but misunderstood condition by those lucky enough never to experience them

Tablets need to be taken as soon as you get the initial signs (aura) of a migraine. This is because in a lot of cases your digestive system doesn't work properly during a migraine (hence why some people feel or are sick), therefore tablets are not always digested and have no affect. I used to have a nasal spray, which was a lot better.

Keeping a diary that includes: food and drink intake and the times, amount of sleep and any particular stressful days or times, is really useful.

However, there can be times when they just 'happen'. With mine, it can be when I relax after a busy week, a particular smell or going out in the morning to bright sunlight. Very stressful times have seen me in hospital with them.

I used to get a 'hangover' after a migraine, that left me feeling awful for at least a day after.

See if he will keep a diary with your help and then go back to the Doctors.

I know this won't help your DH, but my migraines have more or less gone now and disappeard after pregnancy. Very strange! If I do have one now, I get all the same symptoms - aura, pins and needles, headache, feeling sick and loss of speech, but it's all over and done with in an hour.

Can I just tell you that my Dd was getting horrendous migraines most weeks and they put her out for 24 hours each time. We tried a variety of mess and were about to give her the preventative meds and then decided to try accupuncture. I had great success with this for my own health problem. Anyway, she hasn't 't had one in 4 weeks so we are delighted. Just thought your husband may like to try that.