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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with dh?

20 replies

CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 20:24

Dh has a full time job, plus works as a Dj in various bars / clubs / private functions. Generally he is booked Thursday - Sunday.

I work p/t, Friday and Saturday 9-5.30. I take dd to and from Mils on a Friday (half an hour in the wrong direction) and dh looks after her on Saturdays. Usually he doesn't get home til 3/4 am then gets up at 8.15 so I can go to work.

Last week dh had a rare Saturday night off, but we had no babysitter so I stayed in and he went to the pub. Fair enough, he works very hard.

Went to work this morning, having washed his work stuff for Monday and hung it out, picked up Chinese on the way home, only to get in and find dd still in her nightie, the animals clamouring for food and the washing still on the line. Dh was in exceptionally late last night (4.30am) so I took it on the chin.

Then dh casually announced that his gig tonight has been cancelled so he's going to the pub to discuss upcoming dates that they want him to cover. Angry

Aibu to think that actually, I spend 4 nights a week putting dd to bed and mumsnetting staring at 4 walls and he is taking the piss?

Too fucking tired to get his daughter dressed, get the washing in or feed pets, but not too fucking tired to go out!

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 20:30

Oh Ffs. And he's gone in my fecking car so can't even piss off for the night and leave him to it! AngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
DoJo · 09/08/2014 20:34

Did you not tell him that you didn't want him to go? Why couldn't he discuss dates on the phone like a normal person?

I feel like I've just posted this exact same thing on another thread about selfishness and thoughtlessness on the part of someone's husband, but is this the way he normally behaves? Does he always prioritise his own needs over yours? Is he otherwise loving, generous, kind and selfless?

morethanpotatoprints · 09/08/2014 20:34

YABU if he is really discussing dates of work. Having been in the industry myself many years ago.
It seems as though he has 2 jobs, would it be possible for him to cut back to one job.
A dj can make good money doing weddings and corporate events, 18th and such.
You need to talk about quality of life versus work, I'm sure with fewer hours you can have a better life.
YANBU to want a better life and you should suggest that either the dj stops or the other job.

LiberalLibertines · 09/08/2014 20:35

YANBU That was only a couple of jobs, that would have taken 20 minutes to do all of them! There's no good reason he couldn't have done them.

And, it would have been nice for you both to have the night in together. He could sort the dates l out on the phone surely?

FlossyMoo · 09/08/2014 20:36

I think he is taking the Biscuit on this one. Ok he works hard and rarely has a night off so last night was his R& R time fair enough but to do it again and take the car is taking the piss.

I would be fuming too OP.

wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 20:37

It doesn't sound like you get much time together apart from mon tue wed eves, so I'd be a bit pissed off with last saturday.

I trust he will only be at the pub for an hour or so then home again?

does he make money from the DJ job?

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 20:42

He isn't usually such an arse. He is self employed, and having had a spell out of work Xmas before last he is keen to build a financial cushion, which is fine, but it does mean we see very little of each other.

We have a two week holiday coming up too, so he is trying hard to compensate for two weeks with no money.

Apparently the gig was cancelled yesterday, but he hasn't seen me to mention it. I could probably have got a babysitter tonight.Hmm

Besides, he's had less than four hours sleep, is working tomorrow night then back at his day job tomorrow. You'd think a night in would be appealing wouldn't you?Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 20:44

Yes, he does earn from dj'ing, although the taxman takes a fair chunk. He's pretty good, so it's not just indulging a hobby, but also not secure enough to give up the day job and dj full time.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 09/08/2014 20:45

DO you get any nights out, OP? You say that he works as a DJ so presumably it's bringing in some money, which is no bad thing, but he does seem to be behaving as though he has no domestic responsibilities, and asthough you are there to do all the housework/childcare rather than beingan equal partner.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/08/2014 20:46

Sorry, Xpost. It actually doesn't sound as though he's being that unreasonable - but it's understandable that you're fed up, as well.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 20:48

We struggle with babysitters, so my nights out are limited to Monday ruses or Wednesday really, although I am going to a wedding next Friday, albeit with dd in tow!Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 22:27

Fucking long conversation about bookings this has turned out to be.

If he thinks I am walking a mile in the pissing rain and howling wind tomorrow to pick my car up he's got another think coming....AngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 22:41

Text him to come home!

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 23:24

Bollocks to him now, I've gone to bed.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 23:26

make sure you poke him with sticks to wake him up tomorrow.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 09/08/2014 23:33

I've just text my sister and offered to have my Dniece's tomorrow. They are very naughty spirited.

She is dropping them off at 9am

That'll teach the fucker, especially as it's supposed to be pissing it down all day.Smile

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 09/08/2014 23:49
Grin
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 10/08/2014 00:01

And I've put a stickle brick in his trainer ready for his walk to the pub tomorrow.

Feel much better now .

OP posts:
RubyGoat · 10/08/2014 00:07
Grin
MysteriousCircusZebra · 10/08/2014 00:13
Grin
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