Problems dividing Mums jewellery

[imstressedout]

Hi. I'm in a similar situation. Mum passed away 2 years ago and my sister and I are in the process of clearing the house. I was a bit surprised not to have come across Dad's ring, and my sister said 'oh Mum gave it to me years ago' She also appears to have been given couple of other items of sentimental value that I knew nothing about. I was upset to learn that Mum had given these things away, so said that I would like Mum's engagement ring (I am the eldest daughter) She said that she got the feeling Mum would have liked the ring to go to her granddaughter (my sisters daughter). I was very hurt by this, and after dwelling on it for 2 years, I plucked up courage and told my sister that I felt left out, and she finally told me that many years ago, her and Mum went through all her items of jewellery and said she would like me to have the ring, but she felt that Mum may have changed her mind as she asked my niece on several occasions to try the ring on, although Mum never said it was to be hers! Why has she been telling me for the last 2 years that she 'felt' Mum wanted my niece to have it, yet she neglected to tell me until now that Mum had said it was to be for me?
I don't know what to do. I don't want to fall out with my sister, but I feel this ring is too sentimental to give to my niece when Mum said it was for me. Our parents always treated us equally and left a substantial inheritance to all 4 grandchildren.
There are other items of jewellery she can choose from, without her having the engagement ring

Happily I've never been in this situation, but a good friend was and basically her sister ended up with everything.

Stay cool and firm. Even your sister admits that your Mum told her that you were to have the ring. It's only her 'feeling' that she changed her mind. Perhaps you can agree on something else to give to your niece?

Insist on this ring, even if you have to compromise in other things.

I would insist too - especially as it was common knowledge that she wanted you to have it. This has just reminded me actually, that my nan often mentioned that I, as eldest grandchild, was to have her engagement ring. She died in June. It's all a bit raw with everyone....so I won't be bringing it up at the mo. It's hard, isn't it?

Sorry about your mum .

It is hard to know what is best in these circumstances. Given that your sister already has a ring of your fathers I would if I were you, politely insist the engagement ring is given to you.
You have every right to have something of sentimental value from your mothers possessions and I hate to sound harsh but it should go to you not your niece. She has her own mother iyswim.

If you have no interest in any other jewellery then explain to your sister her daughter can choose something else but you want your mothers engagement ring.

Thanks for your reply soverylucky. It's all very raw atm, what with clearing the house and everything. I may just be being super sensitive, but I just seem to have discovered quite a lot all at once- the mystery of where my Dad's ring went etc. I just feel that as my sister has these other items, that it would be nice for me to have what apparently was supposed to be mine anyway. If my Mum wanted my niece to have the ring, I feel sure that she would have said so, when she was giving my sister these other items. I just wonder why my sister kept what my Mum had said to her from me, letting me believe it was possibly meant for my niece. Don't get me wrong- if my Mum did want my niece to have the ring, then I wouldn't dream of taking it - I would just be upset that she'd decided to give it to my niece instead. There are other items of jewellery, but her engagement ring has the most sentimental value for me

Can you have it now and then leave it to your niece?

Just tell her confidently that your Mum told you it was to be yours.

Thanks for all your messages- I feel a lot better having talked about it, fanjobiscuits It's a good idea, but if I were to have the ring, then I would want to leave it to my daughter. I can't see that my Mum who always treated us the same would leave my niece such a sentimental piece, yet not leave something of equal importance for her other grandchildren. I have considered the possibility of having the ring split between my sister, my niece and my daughter, however, there are only 3 stones in the ring, so it couldn't be done equally

I think your DSIS is a liar and a thief! My gut feeling is your DM never had such conversations with her and she's made it all up. She probably took the other ring of her own accord too. With no evidence, you've only got her word. She was obviously feeling a bit guilty and so revealed after two yrs, that your DM actually only asked DN to try the ring on but not I fact bequeath it to her.

Unless she has a witness to these conversations or a written will, see that all the jewellery is split properly and fairly between the two of you.

Greedy, grabby people like this infuriate me.

Why did you start another thread under a different user name?

What do you mean Port as in name changes but exactly the same thread?

Sure I read a similar post a few weeks ago.
I think that you need to insist that you are given the ring, your sister is very out of order, wonder if it's her rather than her daughter who actually has the ring.

Hi PortofinoRevisited. I'm new to this site, and put my message on someone elses thread (similar circumstances to my own) by mistake. I asked for the original post to be deleted as I intended the post to be separate to hers. Having a bit of trouble navigating my way around the site atm :)

Where is the ring now?

I dread all this when the time comes for my Mums things to be divided as there are 5 daughters and the same number of granddaughters so it will never be completely fair to everyone. The youngest has already made a few comments about what she wants to be left (I.e the most memorable items).

Issues like this upset me beyond belief so I've already started to prepare myself for it all by planning to have a replica made from any odds and ends I'm allowed to have of my mums favourite pendant, I may even have one made for my DD as well as a reminder of her grandmother. Self preservation is my way forward I think.

I can totally relate to your feelings of hurt, and in your case if there were just two of us and the sister had already receieved sentimental items, I'd make a strong case as to why I felt maybe it was my turn to recieve something nice.

I'm in my seventies, so rather nearer the time when my assets will be divided by my nearest and dearest! I have of course made a Will, specifying in particular that my jewellery is to be divided between my two children. They have between them five kids (my grandchildren) so I'd leave it to them how to dispose of jewellery between the grandkids. I have, as an extra to the Will, listed, when it comes to jewellery, who is to get what, plus photographs of everything. I'd discussed this with my kids beforehand and they're perfectly happy with the division of spoils. They each have a copy of the list and the photographs of 'their' share.

VodkaJelly- All Mums jewellery is with me at present, until we get round to sharing it. Yes it's so sad that families fall out over material things- it's a question of principal. It would have been so much easier if Mum had put it in writing for us. I have been thinking that although Mum told my sister that the ring was for me, that I wouldn't mind my niece having one of the diamonds made into something she could wear, if the original was replaced with another. I would be mortified if my Mum possibly changed her mind and did want her to have it- I wouldn't feel comfortable keeping it. My sister and I are very close and I would hate something like this to come between us

Urgh this kind of thing is dreadful isn't it? My sister and I were all given pieces of family jewellery when younger and mine was the only piece stolen of the three rings. Then I was to have my granny's wedding ring and that was 'lost' in hospital. Finally, just before my granddad died (my dad side are all dead including my dad) mum suggested I had his wedding ring to him (he'd removed it due to illness). Dsis threw a strop, insisted she'd asked for him for it when she visited before he died and then stopped speaking to any if us until I told my mum to give her the bloody thing.

Oh no!!! You've not had much luck have you Nerf? I'm afraid in your case I would've thrown an equal strop. I would tell your sister that your Granddad's ring was given to you by your Mum. I can understand why you caved in and gave it to her, but she doesn't deserve any of you to be speaking to HER! I strongly believe that no good ever comes of having something that rightly should belong to someone else x

No, I think dsis is a lost cause really. I have his flat caps, and I love them.
I doubt very much your dummy would have wanted your niece to have the ring in favour of you. Surely not?
How old is dn?
This is something symbolising your parents' relationship, and is not as special to your niece. If my mum had not mentioned the ring I would always have assumed it was hers and not mine, as grandchild.

Dummy? So so sorry, changed from dmum by the stupid phone.

Unpredictive text haha! Think I need to have an indepth conversation with her and try to come to an amicable solution.