To wonder why people that stir and cause trouble always get away with it?

[doleena]

Someone that is in my circle of friends is a total troublemaker and shit stirrer. There are about 20 of us in the friendship group, and these days I avoid telling this woman anything, and I refuse to let her drag me into any gossip. She seems to have a real knack of causing trouble and bad feeling, and then sitting back and denying any knowledge.

If some of us are on a night out then she will often bitch about one or more of the others, and she will also pick out things and read things into things and point them out to people, to make people paranoid or upset, which then causes unease.

When two others had a very mild falling out recently, I observed this woman both on on facebook and when we all met up, and she seemed almost to side with each woman, and just did her best to stir and try to make it all into something that it wasn't. I have also noticed that she will flit from person to person depending on who has any drama going on in their lives.

I also had the misfortune of being friends at school with someone like this; again as part of a wider friendship group but she was just the same. Except she would also organise something troublemaking to do, and get others involved and then say she had no involvement and would happily let others take the blame for her behaviour. I remember at school there was a girl in my science class that she didn't like, and one day she went round in a lesson grabbing some peoples' hands and writing a symbol on them. She then told the girl that she didn't like that it was a sign everyone who didn't like her had drawn on their hands, which then ended up with them all getting into trouble, and the troublemaker wriggled out of it.

I just wonder really why nasty stirrers always seem to get away with it. Do some people just genuinely not notice their behaviour? Has anyone else come across anyone like this?

Because the rest of us are too polite/normal and don't believe anyone would be that nasty/devious/two faced on purpose.

We seem to be capable of believing this for decades.

Yes, us normal people see this behaviour and initially don't attribute any malice to it. When we see it escalate we clock on, but hesitate to talk to others about it because it's lowering ourselves to the level of the stirrer. So they pretty much get away with it. I know karma has a bad rep on MN, but it's the only hope, in many cases!

we normal people!

It's a combination of that well-known bleat: 'I don't like confrontation' and the fact that those of us who do like confrontation, or at least aren't afraid of it, can end up being cast as the troublemaker by people who are reluctant to confront for fear of being targetted.

I've had enough of being the person who points the finger only to be ostracised. My advice is just withdraw from her, OP.

I deal with people like this by saying 'Sorry, I don't like bitch

Ing behind p

OP What I don't understand is how other people who get roped in don't seem to realise that if the individual will do it to other people, she will also do it to them.

I have one of these types in my working life and it frustrates her that I won't bite. It's fun to see her flailing around trying to hit on the thing that will reel me in.

I deal

I deal with people like this by saying 'Sorry,I don't like bitching behind people backs. If you have something to say, say it to their face'.

It works well and I do not get involved or even know about bitching!