AIBU to seek a sperm donor?

[startledcavy]

DH suffers from two conditions, colour blindness and mandibular prognathism (protruding lower jaw). He has needed painful operations with long recovery time and much orthodontic work to correct this. We are not sure about passing these conditions on to our children but we definitely want them.

If both of you have discussed and agreed this course of action, then go for it and good luck

Could you speak to a geneticist?

Colour blindness passes down the female line so forget that one. Although daughters would be carriers (to have a chance of being affected you'd been to be a carrier).

Ask to see a geneticist about the jaw condition.

If these conditions are genetic, then you could do PGD.

Your dh's jaw condiiton sounds painful and obviously preferable to avoid passing on but I really don't see why colour blindness is a reason to consider sperm donation.

Is your dh's condition genetic? What are the odds it will be passed on? Is treatment for it different now than when your dh was a child? Have you spoken to a geneticist or doctor?

With a 'known' parent you can be aware of most potential inheritable conditions that may be passed on. With a sperm donor you rely on their honesty, knowledge and declaration of their own potential conditions which gives a much greater level of 'unknowns' .

One in four of all males suffer from some degree of colour blindness - it only stops you pursuing a very narrow range of jobs (eg pilot).

How perfect are your own genetics? Even if the genetics are perfect disability can still occur for many, many reasons at anytime in our lives. We are all only one serious illness or accident away from becoming imperfect. I hope for your husband's sake he's not aware of your feelings - would he want to raise some random stranger's child? A LOT of men wouldn't.

I'm honestly not too sure you should have children at all -if you expect total "perfection". What if the child is diagnosed dyslexic,dyspraxic or is short sighted, or flat footed?

Sorry if I sound harsh but the story of the DS abandoned by his genetics parents to his impoverished Thai surrogate contains shades of the same distasteful flavour as your OP.

Humanity is both flawed, and capable of amazing heightsl - each child is both an individual and a very precious gift, given to us to care for just for a short time before they fly away.

get genetic counseling

The trouble with a sperm doner is that you have to reley on a total strangers honesty.

At least with your DH you know about the genetic risks.

I wouldn't care less if my children had colour blindness - I don't know much about the jaw thing so I can't comment but we all pass on unfavourable things to our kids eg I have a difficult personality,dyspraxic, am short and have acne, DH is slightly Aspberger's, is totally short sighted. DS1 has epilepsy which involves lots of extra difficulties (for no reason that the docs can come up with) - we are all weird but we are all great. I think you should rethink your decision.

My ds is colour blind - as are several of his friends. I really can't see why this would mean you'd want some pre-implantation screening.

I don't know much about genetics but thought that male colour blindness involves maternal genes, not paternal ones, so can't see that it would help to have a sperm donor.

My ds has not really had a problem with being colour blind. we have been told he won't be able to be a commercial pilot, but otherwise the world is his oyster.

you should see a geneticsist if Youre rly that bothered. There could be some kind of genes therapy, but probably not for colour blindness.

I know one friend's DH who manages colour blindness by wearing brown or grey or if he has to be more colourful and be sure he isn't wearing tangerine with pink he has different paterns for differernt colours - like blues are checks and greens are stripes. Don't kno what pink or tangerine are, tho. Point is that it can be managed.

Don't think its a problem with traffic lights because they phase them. But there must be a colourfulblindness society that can give more information.

For the other, seems that you could screen or if DH doesn't mind, go random. But with the science the way it is and the medical advancements, theres' so many treatments available and its most important that you just love your children regardless of who they are. Go with your heart!

In your other thread you say you already have children - how are they?