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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh dear - I do think I have BU to babysitter...

20 replies

pingufan · 09/08/2014 09:02

I have had a lovely girl in my street looking after my children once a month on a saturday morning for me to work for about the past 3 years. Very reliable, never let me down. A really good girl.

My children are now 14 and almost 12 so I have been gently making noises that in Sept when the youngest goes to comp I probably would start leaving them on their own for the 4 hours on the Sat morning as they are very rarely up before 10 anyway (I'm home at 12) and the 'babysitter' is only really keeping the youngest company (the 14yr old DS hides away lol) The 4 hours I was paying her 20 so it is a saving to me when I stop.

Anyway, last month we were on holiday so didn't need her, today is a morning that I would have needed her but DS has put his foot down and said its embarassing that they need a sitter at their age and there's no need for it - DD has agreed they will be fine without her.

Last night I got a text from babbysitter asking if I needed her this morning. My heart sank - I just simply didn't think to let her know as I'ts been ages since she was here last and I always text her in the week before anyway so I just assumed that she would know I didnt need her.

I text back and explained that I felt the time had come that they would be ok on their own - trouble is I've not given the girl any real notice I suppose and the more I think of It I'm feeling really bad about it - she has just got her first car and was probably relying a bit on the money.

I think I should buy a Thank you card and stick some cash in it - should I? It seems like a redundancy payment though lol - why do I over think these things? I hate offending people to the point I start becoming ridiculous.. WWYD?

OP posts:
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 09/08/2014 09:04

A thank you card would be nice.

And you could recommend her, offer to be a reference and stuff.

lizzzyyliveson · 09/08/2014 09:05

A card and some cash sounds like a lovely idea. You could also mention to her that she can use you as a reference if she wants to babysit for people that she doesn't know. She could stick a card up in Tesco or wherever.

SpicyPear · 09/08/2014 09:05

Yes I actually do think that was a really shifty way to let her go after three years. By text with no notice, at her prompting.

If I were her I'd be quite upset. Less about the missed money than the disrespectful way it was done. Card, cash and some chocs or something is a very good idea.

SpicyPear · 09/08/2014 09:06

Shitty! My phone hates swearing.

CinderellaRockefeller · 09/08/2014 09:06

I think a thank you gift would be suitable, or money in a card, not out of guilt but because she's been a fab "employee" for three years and you usually get leaving employees a gift.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/08/2014 09:07

A thank you card is a good idea. I think you could pay her for today if you wanted, on the basis that there'd been some misunderstanding and she'd kept the day clear for you. I don't think you need to though.

LiberalLibertines · 09/08/2014 09:11

Yes, I'd pay her for today, and speak to her face to face, tell her how fab she's been and that you'll be happy to recommend/reference her if needed.

You're not over thinking, it was a bit rubbish!

JennyOnTheBlocks · 09/08/2014 09:13

oops, tricky one, I would be in a quandry about that too.

Notice would have been the best case scenario given how long she's been looking after your children, but I think a card with a nice gift (Pandora charm/keepsake type thing) will show her you have appreciated the time she's spent with your family.

TrendStopper · 09/08/2014 09:16

A thank you card and todays wages would be enough. Also let her know that you will recommend her and write her a reference if needed.

fluffymouse · 09/08/2014 09:16

I would pay her for more than today, as you have really given her notice, and after 3 years it really isn't nice. A card with £50, and a small gift (chocolates?) would be nice, and of course offer a reference. Maybe give her a written reference with your contact details so she can show it to families?

CecilyP · 09/08/2014 09:16

I don't think you have been unreasonable in that she would have known your DCs would soon be too old to need her. It might have been nice to have let her know in advance, but what's done is done.

I would send a card, enclosing what you would have paid her for today, and perhaps a small thank you gift if you know there is something she would like. Also make it clear that you would be more than happy to give a reference should she go for any further babysitting jobs.

fluffymouse · 09/08/2014 09:16

*haven't

Holidayfun · 09/08/2014 09:22

As above I think if she's been so reliable and worked for you for 3 years, it was poor form to let her go by text the evening before, on her prompting. To redeem yourself, I would definitely be buying a card, chocs and if you can afford it £50. Treat people like you would like to be treated yourself.

ohtheholidays · 10/08/2014 10:00

I think it's lovely that your worried about this,it says a lot about you Smile I'd give her a card with some money in and stick a nice little message in there telling her how much you've appreciated her looking after the children and what a big help she has been to you.I bet she'll be really chuffed.Agree with what pp said about letting her know that your willing to be a reference for her.

justmyview · 10/08/2014 10:09

Yes I think after 3 years of reliable childcare, she was entitled to notice that she was no longer required, rather than you assuming she would guess. I think a thank you card & leaving gift is appropriate

LiegeAndLief · 10/08/2014 10:15

On the basis that she has worked for you for 3 years and you only told her you didn't need her last night, I would pay her for today. Then get her a nice card and present (perfectly acceptable for someone who has done a good job for 3 years) and offer a reference. You could also offer to be a character reference for any unrelated jobs - someone did that for me when I was a teenager, which really helped.

HalfEatenPizza · 10/08/2014 10:21

I personally would pay her for a month in advance and apologise to/thank her. I will get the kids to thank her too. But you have not been horrible. Nothing some cash and a kind word will not fix. :-)

HaremScarem · 10/08/2014 10:22

I would give her a card, with a little apology for yesterday and some cash.
If you can afford £50 that would be fantastic but whatever you think. It would be nice if you could at least give her £20.

The fact that she has never let you down is very impressive.

Balaboosta · 10/08/2014 12:48

Card and vouchers or cash - of course!!! No-brainer. And I think apologise for telling her like that.

fascicle · 10/08/2014 13:25

Is there anybody else you know who could do with her services? Might soften the blow if you can recommend her to someone else.

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