to want a NICE man and another child or two?

[YourHandInMyHand]

I've 1 DS and I split from his dad 4 years ago. Ive dated since but never anyone that I've wanted things to go to more than dating with.

Me and DS have a nice life together in terms of doing things together but I would just like to meet a decent guy, settle down together and have another child too.

I'm 31 and I've never been in a good relationship and after having one child with an asshole I decided not to give another child the same fate!

My friend text me the other day to say her and our mutual friend are both pregnant and I burst into tears. Great big wracking sobs. I never thought I would be the single parent to an only child, I always wanted a few children and a stable relationship. Is it really too much to ask?

I know some people would sell a kidney for one child and that I should be grateful. I love DS to bits I really do.

Please be gentle as I feel quite emotional about it.

Oh sweetheart. D

Don't feel guilty about wanting a nice man and more children. Just because those are your dreams doesn't make you ungrateful for your DS.

How old is your DS? Do you have a chance to get out and meet people?

YANBU

You are not being unreasonable. It is a human need to want those things. You can be grateful for what you have got and wish for another child.
I am single with one dd. When my friends of family tell me they are having their second/third dc it hurts like a pain in my soul. I am happy for them, but sad for me that I don't have what they have. But at the same time I am so happy that I have my dd who is amazing.
Go easy on yourself. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but don't let them become overwhelming or stop you from moving forward in your life. Otherwise they become pathological and destructive.

YANBU but you are still young - I didn't have my first until I was your age - my last at 38

sadly also with a man who turned into an arsehold

but there ARE good men out there - don't be sad

YANBU at all, it's overwhelming when things seem so far away from your grasp. You really don't sound ungrateful for your DS, things have worked out differently to what you had hoped for and there is a grieving process which goes with that. You can't force yourself to be fine about everything when it hurts, it takes time to come to terms with just don't let it consume you. You don't know what the future holds and whilst that can seem very daunting you should consider the excitement this brings.

You are young, you have plenty of time and nothing stays the same for very long.

I am in a similar situation but I'm 33.

I've decided to concentrate on my ds and retrain for a new career. It is rubbish when things don't turn out as you hope. I always thought I would have 2 or 3 dc pretty close together but for now, at least it's just ds and me!

Thank you thank you. I do feel like a selfish cow to be honest. I honestly couldn't be pleased at the pg news at first which is horrid. I am happy for them both now but they are on child 3 and 5 as are the rest of my friends and family. Everyone's personal lives seem to be progressing except mine.

My DS has autism, sometimes my mum has him for the night for me so I can go out. I've done a bit of internet dating but it requires lots of screening out the weirdos and arses. Am having a break from it at the moment after splitting up with someone last month who turned out to be very controlling. I've no time for stuff like that. Thankfully I now know all the red flags.

Just to add, I didn't meet my DH until I was 30 and had DS when I was 32 - before that things were a mess. If there was an award for 'Most unlikely to be married with kids' it was mine :).

I have been concentrating mostly on just me and DS, building up our support and friend network, I'm about to go back to work (but working from home), etc.

Just hope I'm like other posters on here who meet someone nice eventually.

YANBU at all... My mum was in a very unhappy marriage with my dad, and actually they had 3 children (including me)... She eventually got the courage to leave him and in her late 30's got married again and had a little boy.

They (and we!) were all so much happier.

Could your mum have him one evening on a regular basis so that you can take an evening class? That way you are doing something for yourself and getting out and making new friends. Evening classes are great because you meet people who are interested in the same things you are whether that be art/language/psychology or anything.
And as another poster said upthread, you are only 31. You are young and have lots of time. Keep positive.

Mondaybaby - I've looked into classes but they are all M-F and my mum works full time with a long commute, I would need to pay a babysitter and that's if I could find a suitable one due to DSs autism. It's tricky.

Ex does have DS but he's very wishywashy and if he realises I am relying on him he cancels/turns up late/"forgets" on purpose. I've come to not bother planning things as I usually end up with an upset child at home instead. When he does have DS I do last minute things that I enjoy but it's hard to plan for when I am child free.