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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be miffed by not being invited to join them?

23 replies

tryingtofindausername · 08/08/2014 13:46

DP works shifts. Often has day off when I'm at work. He sometimes meets friends for a drink these days, no problem with that.

But the other day he came home about an hour after I arrived. Been to pub with friends. OK, that's nice. But it was pub I actually WALK PAST on my walk home from work so they'd have been in there. I'm miffed he didn't call or text me to say 'hey, we're at X, why don't you join us after work'. He says he just didn't think of it. Which I 100% believe but also believe he damn well should have thought of it.

There's an extra element. To be honest, if it was some of his man friends, I still would have appreciated the invitation to be polite, but probably wouldn't have joined them as I've had my fill of football and beer talk. But he was sat there with 2 women (wives of friends he bumped into in town), so yeah, I would have joined them. Plus I'm sure he's got a little bit of a crush on one of the women. I don't take that seriously and I'm sure he'd deny it if I said anything. It's not that I think anything funny was going on, but while I could slightly understand not inviting me thoughtlessly if he knew I wouldn't want to come anyway, it's narked me off to be excluded from this.

OP posts:

Original poster

tryingtofindausername · 08/08/2014 13:52

Realised it sounds like I wanted to be there to check up on him/them. It's not that, honestly. I'm pissed that he knew I'd be coming out of work just around the corner at the time they got there, and didn't bother to invite me along. Whoever he was with. The fact that it was mixed company made it more interesting to me as the conversation would have been interesting, instead of boring which it is with his male friends on the whole.

OP posts:

LapsedTwentysomething · 08/08/2014 13:54

Yanbu, that's thoughtless and would upset me too.

AlpacaMyBags · 08/08/2014 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bleedingheart · 08/08/2014 14:02

YANBU

It's probably completely innocent but it's hurtful to think he didn't think of you, particularly when he was with the partner's of his friends.

AlexVause82 · 08/08/2014 14:16

instead of boring which it is with his male friends on the whole

and there it is, the reason he didn't invite you. Because you think his friends are boring.

PlumpPartridge · 08/08/2014 14:19

But he wasn't with his usual friends, so it wouldn't have been boring, so that doesn't apply.

YANBU op.

WhatTheFork · 08/08/2014 14:20

If be miffed too.

WhatTheFork · 08/08/2014 14:21

I'd

AlexVause82 · 08/08/2014 14:29

But he wasn't with his usual friends, so it wouldn't have been boring, so that doesn't apply

I used to have a girlfriend who found some of my friends boring. It put me right off her and I stopped inviting her out to places. I eventually realised I did not enjoy the company of a partner who judged my friends and thought that they weren't interesting enough to be entertained.

AlexVause82 · 08/08/2014 14:29

So.... YABU

PlumpPartridge · 08/08/2014 14:35

You can be a perfectly well-matched couple and not adore each other's friends, alex. I have spent time in the pub with DH and his friends and it gets boring quite quickly, despite me making an effort to join in with their conversation. I don't see the need to make myself uncomfortable and also them, so I choose not to stick around. Just because I didn't find them that interesting doesn't mean DH and I are poorly suited.

Anyway, this is off-topic.

bleedingheart · 08/08/2014 14:40

I cannot believe for a second that the reason the OP wasn't invited is because she may think his male friends are boring. Of course, if she suggests this her DP may will confirm it because it makes it her fault she was overlooked.

VodkaJelly · 08/08/2014 14:45

Sorry Alex totally disagree with you. I can only sit listening to DP and his friends rave on about the advantages of a flat four engine and spaces verses natural spacing or how to install a front mounted intercooler, before my eyes glaze over and I fall into a coma.

And DP is equally bored by my friends conversations TV, politics, work and gossip. It does not interest him at all.

Doesnt mean that I think less of his friends, they are lovely people who I would do anything for, I just cant sit in a pub listening to them talk about cars. DP understands that and is happy for me to find their talks boring - NOT them, just their topic of cars (for hours on end)

Original poster

tryingtofindausername · 08/08/2014 14:45

Gone a bit off topic here. To clarify - I don't find his friends boring. I find some of their conversations boring - football, football, beer, football. I know that if they just meet up for an hour or so, that's the conversation, so I don't always bother to go. I do socialise with them in other situations (lazy few hours in pub garden/parties/going to see bands etc) when those aren't the only things happening. He doesn't mind if I don't go. They don't mind if I don't go. Their wives/partners don't go to those quick meetups. It's a mini boyfest.

Anyway, I'm glad to see I'm not overreacting in this case. I don't want to make a big deal over nothing. Just gave him a little nudge that next time I'd appreciate an invitation.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 08/08/2014 14:49

If I was walking pass the pub, it wouldn't matter who DH was with, or whether I thought they were boring, I'd be miffed if he didn't say where he was.

Just out of pure politeness!

AlexVause82 · 08/08/2014 16:01

OK so if you don't enjoy hanging out with his friends then why would he consider inviting you to meet other friends?

kentishgirl · 08/08/2014 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlexVause82 · 08/08/2014 16:45

I am simply voicing my opinion!

RedToothBrush · 08/08/2014 16:50

OK so if you don't enjoy hanging out with his friends then why would he consider inviting you to meet other friends?

Because its polite on his part? And you might get on with these ones.

RiverTam · 08/08/2014 16:56

well, yes, it was thoughtless, but is it that bad? Have you never been thoughtless in your life, ever? I mean, good for you if that's the case, but for us mere mortals, it does happen.

This is where I think starting a thread can end up making far more of an issue than is necessary.

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/08/2014 16:59

But you would spoil his fun OP...why would he want that?

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/08/2014 18:24

It was thoughtless, I would be a bit peeved.

Echocave · 08/08/2014 18:36

OP, YANBU, I am seriously on my high horse about politeness this afternoon and it is rude.

If i take the emotion out of it though (and I realise you probably still won't like it and neither would I), I wonder if he just wanted to unwind before coming home and didn't care about the company. I know DH sometimes feels like he's walking into a hurricane when he comes in and I bet he'd love a couple of quick pints before getting in. Sadly for him, he's married to me (no cow emoticon to insert here alas!) so I don't let him. Hur hur.

Maybe just quietly mention it and see what he says?

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