To be upset that 4 year old DS1 has come out of nursery with a bite mark on his arm?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I signed an accident form but the mark is still very visible? Nursery didn't disclose who had bitten him but DS1 did and it's a boy of his own age who unfortunately has a reputation as being a bit violent.

DS1 is leaving at the end of the month anyway but surely it's not right that a bite should still be visible now? Or AIBPFB?

If the child is known to be a biter the nursery can (and should if he does it frequently) put in place extra monitoring to try to make sure he doesn't have the opportunity again. My DS was bitten several times by one child over a series of weeks (the child wasn't usually in the same class as DS but seemed to bite him every time their respective classes were combined) and after I complained that's how the nursery handled it. Admittedly that involved younger children but if you are concerned for your child's safety the nursery shouldn't just brush you off IMO.

I didn't say it was normal behaviour for most 4 yr olds but it's not unknown for some kids to still bite when under stress or if over excited at 4. That doesn't mean I would ever tolerate my DS biting anyone or would be overly happy if he was bitten. But I also wouldn't be running round with my arms up in the air because it happens with young kids - yes they're not 2 but they're also not that old and not always in control of themselves yet.

OP - you could ask the nursery about what your DS says about the other boy and ask them to keep an extra close eye on things but tbh there's not a lot else you can do about it especially if he's due to leave soon anyway.

I'm sure they dealt with the biter appropriately. Don't you trust them? And they never tell you which child assaulted yours, it's just their policy. What would be the point?

Yes, hitting/biting/scratching/pushing over etc all happen occasionally in groups of young children. I was mortified when my lovely mature 2.5 yo DD bit a peer at toddler group (frustrated at other child not sharing) - I told her to apologise or we would go home -and she would not (was embarrassed/ashamed) so I carried through and we left and went home where I got her to draw a nice picture to say sorry to X, which we took the next week. She never bit again!

In this scenario, the biter is 4yo (and I assume about to start school). IMO unless there are SN, it is NOT normal or acceptable for a 4yo to be biting at all.

Given that your child has lied before about the other child hurting them, you can't be sure it was him. Nursery should not tell you which child it was that did the biting. They should tell you what happened (if they know) and what they are doing to address it.

I assumed you are talking about a day nursery, especially as it is the summer holidays. One of my children attended one where 2-4yr olds were mixed together for play, so it's entirely plausible that a younger child would have bitten an older one. Tbh, it has happened with my 2yr old biting one of their older sibs when they've been backed into a corner and v v frustrated. That said, if this is a nursery class that's a bit different maybe, and yes with all 4yr olds this behaviour would be far less usual.

Nobody's saying that Dik, for goodness sake. My 'little darling' occasionally bites and actually does have SN. That doesn't mean we just tolerate it.

Other parents don't know about his SN. OP herself has said that this little boy may have them too. Nobody knows, so maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge?

DikTrom you are as hard line in this thread as others I see. You suggest the Op goes and asks the teacher what she is going to do to stop her child from being bitten again... are you for real? Should the teacher follow him around the classroom non stop? Maybe she should put the BAD children in a corner to prevent it from happening again.

Biting will and does happen in nursery. Generally as a result of frustration and being unable to verbally express themselves. A biter will generally be put in a time out and spoken to about good and poor choice, may share a story about what teeth are for/being kind and all that jazz. I'm not sure you would necessarily make the children stay apart unless it was a repeat performance directed so many times at a particular child.

It isn't fun for you to hear your child has been bitten, it isn't fun for staff to pass this info on (they never know how a parent will react). And it is entirely possible that staff don't see these things. They can happen I a split second and humans only have 2 eyes.

You can ask how they dealt with the biter if it'll help.

My DS still bites occasionally at 5. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't be the only small child in the world who doesn't exercise full self control 100% of the time. If only I'd thought to get him to draw a picture he'd have been cured years ago, clearly. Silly me.

Yanbu to be upset.

I'd be pretty shocked if my 4yo dd came home from nursery with a bite mark.

from experience, the mark will probably be there a couple of days like teeth shaped bruises.

ds used to bite. he could leap across a room and sink his teeth in dd before I could prevent it...it really can happen so fast. Thankfully we "owned" both the biter and the bitee. time out worked eventually. he had grown out of biting dd mostly by the time he was four... ASD meltdowns after school had been torturing him with loud noises and changes of routine were quite common.

My colleague has a toddler DD who is a biter. Everyone who looks after this child has mentioned/ complained about the biting to colleague. One of the carers has even said if it continues she will no longer have the DD in her care.

Colleague's problem is how to deal with it. DD is only 14 months, colleague obviously doesn't want to physically punish her, but DD is too little to understand the connection between the bite and naughty step or whatever. Colleague is at her wits end.

Suggestions from parents of baby biters please?

Very young children may bite because
(1) sensory experiences (normal phase of development, eg they like to put everything in their mouth, and yes, some don't just taste but also bite during this stage)
(2) teething - relieves pain (teething ring or hard frozen bagle may help to relieve this)
(3) frustration - not being verbal enough to deal with frustration

It is important to first identify the reason for the biting behaviour of the child in question. If it is frustration, it is important that the child is given the right level of stimulation (not too much but also not so little he gets bored) and close supervision to remove him from the situation before he actually bites another child. Some people have had success with learning a child the 'help' sign (baby signing) so in spite of not being verbal the child could alert his carers in time.

All biting is unpleasant for the victims obviously, but imo there is a big difference between a two year old biting and a four year old biting (except in cases of SEN, but a SEN child should get additional care usually a dedicated carer who will do their utmost to prevent accidents).

I have a biter.... Not at nursery, but at home. She is 3.5. She gets so incredibly frustrated and it's the only way she has currently to lash out. We are working on it. She only does it to us or DS (11) so must have some control over her behaviour. We are incredibly firm and she is very after calming down.

Unfortunately for her she had an altercation at nursery with another more indiscriminate biter the other day and was most put out to be on the receiving end.... I'm hoping a lesson may have been learned!

I've got a biter and it's mortifying picking her up and nursery telling me she has bitten somebody. We've asked if there is anything we can do, she is generally quite sweet and mild mannered but if there is a squabble over a toy she bites.

We are very firm with her when we see it happen and have had regular meetings with the nursery staff about presenting a consistent way of dealing with it both at home and there.

Thankfully she seems to be growing out of it no (nobody bitten for about 3 weeks now) but it's an awful feeling knowing she has hurt and marked another persons child. She is only 2 so a bit younger than yours.

My mother takes great pleasure in telling me I was an awful biter up to about 5 years old and she was at her wits end over what to do with me. Then I just stopped!

With my daughter we are using a flash card that says no biting. If she does it then all play etc stops, I make her stand and look at the card for a minute and then apologise to the person she has bitten. She then has very subdued play for about 15 minutes, not being allowed to join in with stuff. Like I said, biting incidents have become much rarer now so it's been effective.

We had that too, salty - it really is mortifying, isn't it? We had loads of chats with DD about how biting people hurts, and being hurt makes people sad, and X is her friend, so she doesn't want her friend to be sad, does she? (God knows if any of that conversation was actually age appropriate!)

We and the CM do our best - immediate time-outs and the like - but unfortunately DD has a bit of short fuse occasionally and can bite. When they are little there is only so much you can do to teach them right or wrong, you just have to plug away with it.

When DS was a biter I was at breaking point when a group of childminders took pity at playgroup and sat me down with a cup of tea and some advice. DS was strapped into his buggy at the first sign that me was going to bite (there were obvious tells). He was strapped in fir two minutes and it was explained why.

The first playgroup I tested the theory he spent most of the time in the buggy, the second far less and we cracked it within a fortnight. It wasn't easy and I sometimes felt mean, but he was 18 months and drew blood on two children so it had to be stopped.

All three of my kids were bitten at playgroups / pre school, but not at 4.
Some kids are in Reception at just turned 4, they should really have outgrown this by then.

My nearly 2 year old sometimes bites my 3 year old. The marks can last a while, I always feel horrible for dd when he does it and ds gets thoroughly disciplined, I would also be mortified if he did it to another child, my ds isn't a violent child and I'd hate him to be labelled as that. But I guess maybe biting at nearly two isn't quite the same as biting at 4. I think as a 1 off I'd leave it, the nursery may have dealt with it accordingly and no need to worry
Hope your dc isn't too shaken up.

Not quite the same,I know, but I was bitten by a 9 year old (well known for anger issues) on the forearm! No skin broken,but it was there to see plainly,for at least a week! It was a perfect, open mouth set of teeth marks.

Not quite the same,I know, but I was bitten by a 9 year old (well known for anger issues) on the forearm! No skin broken,but it was there to see plainly,for at least a week! It was a perfect, open mouth set of teeth marks.

Sadly it's a part of nursery life .It happens so quickly that it really is very diificult to prevent.
They can't tell you who did it, or how they have been punished/dealt with because that is confidentiual but they can tell you what measures that can put in place to protect your child from a repeat performance