... to delay TTC for my dream job?

[Crumbelina]

DH and I have been TTC number 1 for 13 months now with no luck. A recent scan revealed potential Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, but all my blood tests are fine and I'm due to have a HSG (which checks for fallopian tube blockages) next week. I'm 36 years old (as of 3 months ago) and I'm due to see a fertility specialist in a few weeks. In all likelihood, I’ll be put on fertility drugs in the next month or so, e.g. metformin, the HSG is supposed to really help 'clear things out' and fingers crossed for a much wanted pregnancy.

My problem is that I hate my current job (a real culture of 'who can work the longest hours') and I've just seen an advert for an amazing job that I’d love to go for. It’s for a government department in a very similar role and to cut a long story short, I think I’d have a very good chance of getting it. My big worry is that if I apply for it and don’t take a break from TTC then Sod’s Law will mean that I could be starting the role when pregnant (possibly). The interviewing process is likely to take 1-2 months and then I may be forced to work 2-3 months’ notice for my current employers. With this in mind, I’m thinking that maybe my DH and I should put TTC on hold to see if I get this job and then resume TTC in 3-6 months?

Part of thinks believes I have to think of my long-term happiness and well-being, as my current job is a nightmare and will be even harder to juggle with a child. That said, I’m so scared of putting things on hold (even for a few months) as I've been completely focused on getting pregnant up until now. Temperature charting, fertility monitors, stupid horse pill sized vitamin tablets – you name it, I’m doing it.

Morally I think I’d be ok with starting a job in the knowledge that I want to get pregnant because I’d have every intention of going back to work (the amount we owe on the mortgage will be strong motivation!) and I’d be very committed to the job long-term. My DH has a decent job and we could survive (just) about on basic maternity pay.

I guess my question is: how long would you be prepared to delay things at 36 when it’s already been a year of TTC? Don’t stop trying: and potentially risk starting a new job in the first trimester with tiredness/sickness, plus hiding a pregnancy in a probation period? Or wait 3-6 months: and risk never getting that big fat positive? I really need some advice as I can’t concentrate on much at the moment and it’s really upsetting me. The stress of my current work, TTC and not being able to confide in anyone probably doesn't help! I'm also worried that the fertility consultant will think I'm a time waster.

Oh and I do realise that IABVU in thinking that A) I’ll magically get this dream job and B) it’ll suddenly get pregnant right away! I’ll probably end up failing the maths test or something. Sorry this is long – I didn't realise I had so much to waffle on about.

As its a government department id highly recommend joining unison immediately if you get the job. They are a very good union and just think of them as an insurance policy (i needed them once and they were fab).

The other thing is - have you ever filled out a government department application before? Incase you havent, heres my tip for making sure you get an interview: On the further details section of the application form you need to cover how you meet every one of the essential points from the person spec and as many of the desirables as you can. They particularly like it if you organise it in the same order as the person spec. This is because they basically make it like an exam paper against the person spec - ive known many brilliant people, perfect for the job not get it because they didnt know to fill in the further details section in this way.

*mark it like an exam paper

See, this is why I love Mumsnet. That's great advice WhyOWhyWouldYou, thank you! I haven't got around to completing the application form yet because I'm too busy worrying about my 'imminent' pregnancy, my guaranteed tiredness/sickness and how I'm going to handle telling my new bosses. ;)

I did have morning sickness but it had mainly gone by 12 weeks and the job was a good distraction from the remainder :) I think the first 6 months or so in a new job are often really exciting so lots of my attention and energy went there naturally anyway. I was tired by the end but this is my first baby so I could just come home and sleep as much as I wanted to :)

Just re fertility monitors - have pcos and found clear blue fertility monitor was fine for me - it also measures oestrogen and it picks up the drop in oestrogen which kick starts the lh surge so it gives those days a "high fertility" and when it picks up the lh surge it gives peak days - obviously the impact of pcos varies so much from one person to the next and so the impact on hormonal levels varies too.

I got gp while taking meteor in and due to previous mc the consultant advised me to continue metformin up to 17 weeks - ask your consultant re metformin once you get pg.

Btw the job i got a 6 months pregnant, whilst trying to look fat not pregnant, it was a government job, i told my new boss on the first day and she was fantastic. She only ever judged me on my work.

Definately do get started on your application, to write a good further details will take longer than you think.

Go for the new job!! If you're pregnant by the time you get it, you could tell them then. If not, don't worry about it. They know they're employing a woman of childbearing age, so it presumable wouldn't be a shock to them if you were to get pregnant.

You could give TTC a break for a couple of months while you're in probation. Meaning, not actively trying, but still bonk without protection and if something happens, it's a bonus.

If you conceive, it sounds like you'd have to switch to a more family friendly job anyway. The less stressful environment might help with TTC. Pay extra attention to a healthy eating plan with plenty of nourishment, plus regular exercise. Tough to do in a long hours culture workplace.

Agree with whyohwhy on the application form advice. I've worked for the nhs for many years and I always get an interview when I make sure I explicitly state how I meet every essential criteria (and as many desireables as I have) and I know several managers who say this is how they HAVE to short list for interview...HR check the process as well to make sure they are doing this.

Agree maddening pcos affects everyone differently. I've not looked at the clearblue fertility monitors, but the clearblue ovulation sticks say on the box "not suitable for pcos" (in teeny tiny letters!). I always found, for me, the most reliable way to tell if I was Ov was just to pay attention to the physical symptoms I felt.

crumbelina you may not even get morning sickness and tiredness.....several of my friends have just sailed through their first trimesters!!! So don't worry about 'what ifs'.....

Just go for it!!!!!!

*presumably

Tbh Crumbelina, I hated my old job and took the new one just to get away from it! So I know how you feel about wanting to get away. I won't say I regret making the move, but the fact that it was an interdepartmental move probably made it easier for me... I can imagine it being very hard in a new company, because people won't necessarily know what you're really capable of. On the other hand, you've worked for them before, and maybe you won't get a bit crap at your job while pregnant like I have done! Everyone else is probably right about not putting your life on hold, as it could take ages to get pregnant, I just wanted to mention how I've struggled a bit so you can take that into account.

Also, regarding your results...maybe you have polycystic ovaries....but not polycystic ovarian syndrome (I.e. All the other symptoms....weight gain, hormone imbalances, insulin resistance etc). Which is good because it's less severe and easier to treat! :)

Go for both.

There's never a truly perfect time to get pregnant as life doesn't just stop.

I think you would never forgive yourself if you stopped ttc for a few mth and then had more issues later - even if logically those months would only hav a small impact

Just to add, 12 (12!) of my friends are currently pregnant or have recently given birth, and of us all, only 4 or 5 of us have had a "bad" first trimester, and only 3 have had really bad nausea and tiredness, or problems with bleeds etc. So you might be absolutely fine!

Thanks WhyOWhyWouldYou - I'll pour myself a glass of red and start tonight.

That's very true mumminio. If I get thorough to the interview stage then I may know one of the likely panel as I've worked for them. They know I got married last year as well. I can well imagine that my current job has contributed to a lack of a bfp. I've worked with a lot of women who have come back after maternity leave and really struggled with the job. The awful thing is that I've been put forward for promotion and I'm absolutely dreading getting it! More work, longer hours ...

Absofrigginlootly: with no medical qualifications I've diagnosed myself as having lean PCOS. No weight problems but AF is pretty irregular (28-44 days). That said, I think I know more about it than my GP who has been pretty rubbish.

CarmineRose1978, it's really good to hear another side of the story and means I get a balanced view. There's a lot to think about but I think I'll just go for it and see what happens ...

Go for the new job and keep TTC! You can deal with whatever happens whenever it does! Ie' cross that bridge when you get there' and another one 'clouds in the sky doesn't mean it will rain' :) Lots of luck have a little faith and everything will be ok

PCO can cause irregular periods and cysts on the ovaries.....

but to have the full PCOS (I.e. syndrome) diagnosis you need to have at least 2 out of the 3:

1. Cysts on ovaries
2. Imbalance of hormones - as shown on hormone blood profiling
3. Symptoms of the wider syndrome - i.e. Things like Hertuism (?sp)...(I mean things like thinning head hair, unwanted facial or body hair [stomach, nipples etc] and acne...caused by raised testosterone and insulin resistance) weight gain, breast and pelvic pain etc etc. You don't have to have every symptom on the list, but enough to support the diagnosis.

I agree, my GP was (is) rubbish too!

I think if you dont have higher lh metformin might not work. I think it would be to reduce the insulin resistance.
Carry on ttc!
They will look at your age, the fact you dont have kids and assume you nay get pg soon anyway.
Some people just have lots of cysts.
Though i guess due to your age your fsh has just reached the same as lh.
Mine was like 3:7 lh maybe. At 32.
Did they test thyroid as that can cause period issues.

It can take years to get to ivf stage (if needed)
and by that point every year over 35 shows decreased success at my clinic
After ivf i had a really easy pregnancy , no sickness just very tired
I have lean pcos bmi was 22 but i have got down to 20.9 for my next ivf as i was unsuccessful at 22. Hopefully i will be more sensitive to insulin now

That's really useful - thank you! I don't have unwanted hair, but I do have mild rosacea. The hormone issue is interesting though. My testosterone levels weren't measured on my Day 2/3 and Day 21 test and I had to convince the hospital nurse at the fertility unit (at my initial consultation) to add testosterone to the blood test form. Results are due back in a week or so.

The thyroid thing also concerns me a bit. My level is 3.3 and I've read lots of here which suggests that the level should be between 1-2. I tried explaining this to 2 GPs and quoting the NICE clinical excellence summary thingy and they weren't having any of it. I also tried to get the fertility nurse to add that to the list and she said my levels were perfectly normal.

I do worry about the IVF success rates - I've seen exactly the same thing with the success rate going down from ages 35-39.

When you see the consultant in a few weeks they will have all the results of your scans, hsg and blood results to go from. They are the best person to make a diagnosis either way. No point trying to second guess at this stage and making yourself more stressed/confused (hard not to I know!)

Just make sure that if you don't understand their reasoning for why they have/haven't given you a diagnosis and why they have/have not prescribed a certain treatment then ask WHY and get them to explain it to you. As a nurse I see patients all the time disagreeing with their Drs...often it's just because the Dr hasn't bothered to explain things to the patient properly. 'Medicine' as a subject, is frickin complicated....!!!

Of the 3 or so % of people who don't conceive within the first 12 months of trying.... 98% (of the remaining 3%) will conceive within the second year... The stats are on your side :)

My clinic put me on thyroxine for a level of 3.1 i think.
But they want under 2.5 so are happy with my current 2.4 (though i am not.)
I am rapidly declining , could be related to ivf was 3.1 down to 2.3 back up to 4 increased dose then down to 1.8 now 2.4. This in 9 m with 1 ivf.
I think ivf affects it so they dont want it out of control to start with
To get thyroxine free a gp said tsh needed to be over 4.2 so im paying as it only rose to 4.2.
Its quite a hassle to take.
(And hasnt helped me get pg yet. Just another worry.
But i do feel i get symptoms - irregular periods, really really cold - they cant really take blood, constipation, hair problems. Although supposedly you shouldnt at this level

Just to add a bit of perspective to what sounds like a very stressful time... my OBGYN said that while fertility declines a little each year, it declines more rapidly after 37. The biggest risk after that, in her opinion, is having multiples. twins not orgasms, sadly

I was in a similar-ish position. Last summer I think we had been TTC for 18+ months. I applied for dream job (very long process). By October I has been diagnosed with pcos, started on metformin in November, conceived at the same time. In January did pregnancy test (bfp), 5 mins later read email in which I was offered dream job. Started dream job at 18 weeks pregnant. Work have been really supportive. Have a week left before maternity leave starts. Am blissfully happy.

My advice/experience would be:

1. Get on with your life while still TTC, definitely apply for the job and really focus on getting it right. My job is a government one and they key in applications was providing evidence demonstrating competences, so don't say "I am...", say "I did/do..."

1. I found temp testing and opk useful in having a better idea of what my body was doing. It took quite a long time to be able to identify a pattern. I didn't get too wound up about it though and certainly didn't temp test at exactly the same time each day, it would have been too stressful.

1. I couldn't have the HSG (when I went for the appointment) because I was still bleeding from my period. It turns out it wasn't a period at all but implantation bleeding. I was oblivious to the fact that I was pregnant. Only found this out when I went for a scan at 7 weeks and turned out to be 11 weeks pregnant.

Thank you all! I feel much happier this morning and DH agrees that we shouldn't stop TTC. He went along with my suggestion of delaying for a couple of month as he didn't want to upset me.

I'll be the perfect patient with the consultant as I trust them 100%. I probably have been a bit pushy with the GP as I've been told on MN to be as pro-active as possible. I'm also taking inositol as the TTC thread by Sense about Science and other PCOS websites have recommended it, so hopefully that'll help.

I'll definitely update as to how I get on. I've searched for similar threads to mine and I never found out what happened with the OP.

Best of luck OP, in getting pregnant and getting the job.

Just adding my voice to 'do both'. I put off getting pregnant to enjoy some great career opportunities, but I was 29. Then we had problems TTC. It worked out ok for me, but I would not recommend delaying TTC at 36, especially if you already have problems.