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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is turning up 30 mins late rude?

35 replies

mumaa · 07/08/2014 14:26

MIL & SIL turned up at DDs bday party today 30 mins late, made no reference to being late.

AIBU to think this is really rude? entire party was 90 mins long. The venue of the party was soft play & also open to the public, there was a member of staff who met all party guests at the door and brought them to our party area but after a while she had to get on to other things for our party (party bags/organising the food/etc), so I had to keep leaving guests to see if they were at the entrance to meet them and show them where we were. I get that soft play isn't exactly every grown up's idea of a good day out but the offer to attend the party was entirely optional and they both said they wanted to come

OP posts:

Pickelback · 07/08/2014 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taffeta · 07/08/2014 14:28

It's rude. Don't invite them next time, or if you do, don't pay them the courtesy of looking out for them, leaving your guests who have bothered to turn up on time.

Taffeta · 07/08/2014 14:29

If they weren't intentionally late I would guess they would apologise, so assume they were intentionally late.

Isabelonatricycle · 07/08/2014 14:30

For me, it depends on the circumstances. I was brought up that it was incredibly rude to turn up on time for a party. However, 90 minutes at softplay is a different sort of party - given they accepted the optional invitation, they shouldn't have been so late.

Crinkle77 · 07/08/2014 14:32

Couldn't they have found you by themselves? Was it really necessary for you to hover by the door?

ApocalypseThen · 07/08/2014 14:34

In fairness, I'd say they only thought they had to show their faces. Generally, adults prefer not hanging around softplay places for that much time if they aren't bringing a kid.

bottlecat · 07/08/2014 14:34

For a softplay party I think popping in and staying for a short time is fine for adults with no children.
I don't understand why you felt that you had to meet them at the door.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 07/08/2014 14:34

How big is this soft play centre, that it required you to over at the door to show them where you were?

Were they bringing children?

I'd say an invite to a party at a soft play for childless adults, is more a drop in, stay until you can't stand any more, then leave type of invite. Not a be there the minute it starts and stay until the bitter end one.

Isabelonatricycle · 07/08/2014 14:41

Actually, changing my mind to agree with subsequent posts. If they weren't bringing children themselves (where they?) then I think it is fair to drop in for a short while. Probably would have been best for them to check that with you first though.

Fanfeckintastic · 07/08/2014 14:45

YABU

Viviennemary · 07/08/2014 14:49

Well I wouldn't say in was the crime of the century in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you'd be a bit put out but no sorry I can't see the big deal even if I try to see it from your point of view.

vintage47 · 07/08/2014 14:50

As a single adult I have declined the offer unless I wanted to stay for the whole time but I was aware that this might offend the party giver. It is a very tricky area. Parties are not the same in a venue as at someone's home. I suspect they did not understand the 'rules' and thought a brief show would satisfy without offending.

Original poster

mumaa · 07/08/2014 14:51

I agree, normally soft play isn't a grown up invite. Last year we had big party at the house, all grandparents came so this year I sent a "we've booked DDs party, its at soft play, there wont be wine this year and I think you'd need it to come to soft play but if you want to come, you are more than welcome - time/place". MIL replied to say she is off on a Thursday so would love to come, other grandparents delighted to be working.

SIL is on maternity leave so has a young baby of few months old - venue has baby sensory area which I thought would suit DN, but obviously DN wouldn't be involved in areas rest of the party were playing in. I also invited a friend of SIL who has baby one month younger than DN (I know her well-ish but also thought would be nice if DN had another baby there, more importantly for SIL not to be sitting in sensory area on her own with DN). SILs friend was first to arrive for the party.

Venue is quite big but not particularly massive, there is one entrance and given it is summer hols, a large cue waiting their turn to pay and get in. The party host girl was going along the cue asking who was here for DDs bday and taking them forward to the front, pointing them to our area so they weren't waiting. So yes, I could have just left them to cue until they eventually got to the front desk but I thought that would have been rude on my part.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 07/08/2014 14:55

I'd have got on with the party and left relatives to queue up and find their own way there, adults are used to adult parties where you aren't expected to stay for all the party just come for some of the time. Next time I wouldn't bother inviting them if they distract you.

maddy68 · 07/08/2014 14:56

I don't think that was rude at all. They just popped in they weren't attending the party, the little ones were

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2014 14:57

no biggie IMO. They probably just wanted to come for a little while to watch your dd have fun and blow her candles out. I can't stand soft play places - one hour would be my limit....

As for needing to check the queue all the time - surely they could have phoned/texted when they arrived - were they really expecting you to greet them at the door?

longjane · 07/08/2014 14:59

You always do 2 parties one for child friend s and one for family unless you need help for kids party.

CoffeeTea103 · 07/08/2014 15:08

So they ended up staying for an hour then? I think that's a fair amount of time. Is there anything specific you needed them there for?

AMumInScotland · 07/08/2014 15:20

Well, it sounds like a mismatch of expectations, rather than deliberate rudeness.

As an adult not bringing a child to join in with the softplay, I would probably just have 'popped in' for a while and maybe even assumed you wouldn't want me there at the start while you were sorting out x amount of other small children.

I wouldn't have been expecting you to be focussed on waiting for me and coming out to see where I was.

But in my case I'd probably have said something to you in advance so we were both on the same page!

Notso · 07/08/2014 15:22

SIL has a young baby, I wouldn't have been surprised they were late.
If I were you I would have just carried on, they would have found you all eventually.

magpiegin · 07/08/2014 15:30

We went to 4th birthday party recently, we have no children. We turned up an hour late and I am sure the hosts didn't mind (to be fair we did travel 2 hours to get there!)

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/08/2014 15:33

No I don't think they were rude, a soft play party isn't the same as a home party. I doubt your dd will have noticed either. Plus they're grown ups I'm sure they could have found their way in by themselves.

Yabu

ShatnersBassoon · 07/08/2014 15:33

It doesn't sound rude to me. They didn't have any role other than showing their faces. You could have told the staff to expect a couple of latecomers instead of hovering at the entrance.

ovenchips · 07/08/2014 15:34

IMO It really wasn't rude of them. As a PP said, they weren't there to attend the actual soft-play party!

I think the irritation was that you felt obliged to keep someone looking out for their arrival. So you felt every one of those 30 minutes by which they were late. Which would be irritating.

I think the trick is not to feel obliged like that and to have thought after first 10 minutes 'They're still not here - oh well, they'll have to find their own way to where we are now'. And tried to forget about them.

They didn't spoil the party and I hope your DC had a great time and birthday.

SallyMcgally · 07/08/2014 17:01

I don't think they were rude at all. They were showing their faces at the party - that was very nice of them. Why would you feel they had to be there from start to finish?

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