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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Skyping Etiquette...

30 replies

fizzfizz · 06/08/2014 22:26

...does it exist?

My daughter (who lives with her partner abroad) asked to Skype with me today. She said her partner wanted to also. The time was set up and then she called me. Initially her partner was not there but arrived in their temporary home about 6 mins into the conversation. Partner then said Hello etc., did not take a seat, messed/played with my daughter's hair - teasing her and smiling so all good - and then disappeared off camera and reappeared having produced from the crockpot two bowls of food.

My daughter was given hers and they started eating it. Needless to say I did not show my annoyance but as the connection was poor said I would sign off about 5 minutes after the food came into view. Daughter is aware that I don't like people eating when skyping.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
BlinkAndMiss · 06/08/2014 22:31

Well she's your daughter so I don't think the etiquette is the same as if it was a friend. Saying that, my friend and I often eat whilst chatting on Skype as a lot of the time we are strapped for time and don't have time for both at separate times. YABU.

RainbowB7 · 06/08/2014 22:35

Yabu, don't see what the issue is with eating and skyping. I think it's just you Confused

Weathergames · 06/08/2014 22:36

Do you dislike her partner......?

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 06/08/2014 22:37

We Skype with FIL most nights during dinner. He has his dinner at the same time too.

It is convenient as we are quite time-poor and DD (3) loves it because she gets to "eat" with Grandad :)

ObfusKate · 06/08/2014 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoiledPiss · 06/08/2014 22:38

What weather said...

Delphiniumsblue · 06/08/2014 22:38

I thought it was very relaxed with family- not something you need etiquette for- you make it sound like a business conference!

MostWicked · 06/08/2014 22:38

Wouldn't worry me in the slightest.
What's the problem with people eating while skyping?

BackforGood · 06/08/2014 22:39

Agree with others. I think you are the only one with an issue about this.

MostWicked · 06/08/2014 22:39

There are some parts of the world where people enjoy meals together over the internet. It is a social activity.

puntasticusername · 06/08/2014 22:40

Sorry, I can't imagine what your problem is with people Skyping while eating? I can only deduce YABU.

ObfusKate · 06/08/2014 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumminio · 06/08/2014 22:45

I can see where you're coming from. I don't like it when people eat/drink while walking, but I see it all the time. I remember being scolded for doing that when I was growing up, but it's not socially acceptable to chug away on a coffee while walking along the street. I don't get it, but sometimes you have to move with the times :)

If it happens again, perhaps you could say something along the lines of "let's catch up later, when you've finished your meal" and if that doesn't help, just say you have to pop away and will be back in 30 mins.

ObfusKate · 06/08/2014 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

m0therofdragons · 06/08/2014 22:50

Oh wow, sometimes I'm on the phone for ages to my mum and have a wee while talking to her (I wouldn't do that on Skype) but life is busy. Your dad wanted to talk to you but her do made her food, really not a big issue. I do have a grand mother who I love but I know she hates me doing anything while talking on the phone to her as she still has a phone with a cord and doesn't understand mobiles so I just chat and cook dinner as quietly as possible.

m0therofdragons · 06/08/2014 22:51

Dd not dad -phone trying to correct me

Giraffeseyelashes · 06/08/2014 22:53

You are coming across as uptight OP. Seeing as you live in different countries, I think it's quite nice to be able to communicate in an informal and relaxed way over Skype, going about your daily life while you do so. That's what I do with my family and it makes the distance between us seem less, as if we were at home together. I find it strange that you'd want to be so formal around your own DD. So, I think YABU.

DoJo · 06/08/2014 22:56

I'm on the fence - on the one hand, a poor connection is only going to be more difficult to manage if you are also contending with someone eating (and I wouldn't eat whilst on the phone to someone as I don't think anyone wants to hear my chewing away whilst talking). On the other hand, sitting down for a meal with someone is a nice way to share time together and can be a great way for kids to spend time 'with' their family. If there are no children involved, I would have thought that adults would have waited to eat until the skype call was over, especially if it was only going to be a few minutes.

I wouldn't be 'upset' though, just a bit annoyed at their thoughtlessness, especially if your daughter knows you don't like it. If it bothers you and there is a next time then just sign off and say 'I'll leave you to your dinner' as that should remind her that you think the two should be mutually exclusive!

McFlickle · 06/08/2014 23:00

I would say skyping etiquette could also include the OH of the person you are trying to Skype with not constantly interrupting with trivial and mundane non urgent matters. My BIL does this and it drives me crackers. Due to time differences my sis and I have a limited speaking window and with kids etc lucky to arrange it once a week if that, but he can't use the other 23hours and 45 minutes of the day or other 6 days of the week to mention what he just read in the paper, or ask about the washing, or talk about what's on TV.
Wrt to the eating I don't think I'd mind as it would be like being round the dinner table.

PeachyParisian · 06/08/2014 23:03

Yabu, she's your daughter! If she lives abroad I imagine you don't see her often so Skyping is a nice way to keep in touch and 'see' one another. Eating isn't a big deal, would you rather not speak to her if she doesn't have time to eat and call you separately?

You do sound as if you don't like her DP much though..

2rebecca · 06/08/2014 23:07

I think it was rude but maybe the phone call went on a while. I think eating on the phone is rude. Your daughter had arranged a convenient time to phone so should have told her partner she doesn't eat whilst she's on the phone as you don't talk with your mouth full.
I'd have just said "oh you're eating now, I'll go then although I thought you'd said this was a convenient time for a phone call.
To me they are phone calls with pictures and the usual phone etiquette applies. if you want to eat you tell the person you'll phone back. Drinking is OK but no slurping!

puntasticusername · 06/08/2014 23:10

ObfusKate Ooh, there's a question! Grin

(wad initially going to write "you've raised the bar" but realised that wasn't entirely unambiguous in light of your statement...)

Littleturkish · 06/08/2014 23:11

Not an issue. She's your daughter, not a business associate. Eating is fine. In a way, isn't it lovely to see her partner being affectionate with her? You must miss out on so much being away from her, at least you see them being happy together.

Naoko · 06/08/2014 23:18

I'd have no problem with any of it except the eating, but people eating while talking give me the rage, and people doing so over any sort of electronic connection doubly so. I'm very into online multiplayer gaming and eating with your mic open is a big no to most of the people I game with (admittedly, a reasonably mature and close crowd, no console kiddies), we all have snacks but if you leave the mic unmuted by accident someone will remind you and persistent offenders who just don't care get given very short shrift.

The rest of it's fine though, she's your daughter, not a business associate :)

Original poster
fizzfizz · 06/08/2014 23:30

That was helpful, thanks all! :-) Yes, I am a little formal by nature with some things but I guess I need to move with the times. :-D :-D

OP posts:
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