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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to help out at home??

38 replies

lemondriz · 06/08/2014 18:48

Does anyone else feel taken for granted all the time??
Dp works hard often two jobs which is his excuse for not doing a lot at home.. But I often struggle to keep on top of stuff all on my own I have ds 3.9y and dd 10m and I genually don't know how other people do it...

Today dp and I had a blazing row coz he has been home every night and I have the kids all day (I know it sounds cliché) then did dinner, put the kids to bed tidied the kitchen did a workout, filled in dd 10m form had a cuppa and went to bed only to be up most of the night with dd... Dp wiped the dinner table put some washing on.the airer sat and watched TV. And then noticed the mop smelt funny so filled it with bleach and.left it in the bath --I'm assuming for me to clean out. the house is.a dump there is so much to do and I asked for.help.... He said he did... Needless to say I lost the.plot and we had a fairly brutal text row.. I abstained from all duties and have made home do.everything tonight so I can put.kids to bed..... I'm so frustrated and annoyed anyone in.my boat???

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 06/08/2014 21:36

Can you afford a cleaner?

TokenGirl1 · 06/08/2014 22:39

I understand where you're coming from OP. When your children are that young, you're never really 'off duty'.

You're full on during the day, you're up again in the night and there are no days off either!

I had a 1 yo and a 2 yo and worked in the evening 15 hours a week when they were in bed (no childcare) but still on call if they woke up! Still did and do almost everything around the house and childcare. It's hard and relentless. I think the worst bit is it never stays clean or tidy so you don't get the 'job satisfaction' that you get in most paid jobs when completing a task. The short time I did work outside of the home was like a holiday!

I with you, and now that my youngest is starting full time school I'm having one day off a week for me. After almost 6 years of being 'on call' and being the first port of call for everything for at least 340 days of the year, I've earned it!

ilovesooty · 06/08/2014 22:47

I don't understand the rowing by text. That sounds bizarre to me.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/08/2014 23:58

Another one who thinks yabu I'm afraid.

As a sahm I don't go out all day every day, as I consider the hw to be (mostly) my job. I do hw in the morning while the kids play in the house/garden. We're normally not ready to leave house until 11am, and then we 're out for rest of day. I think it's good for them not to be entertained all day long.

mommy2ash · 07/08/2014 00:17

I think you need to learn to manage your time better. he is working two jobs

DizzyKipper · 07/08/2014 07:10

OP has said that DP is currently only doing the 1 job and is home from 2-4pm but still not helping. I think finishing work that early means it's more than reasonable to expect him to pitch in. If he's resistant to housework then I'd tell him to watch the kids whilst I got on with it. Also OP it sounds like you could do with a more supportive thread -perhaps in the general housekeeping area of MN - to help you work out how to manage the house for when he isn't around so much. I have a lot of sympathy as very often I feel overwhelmed and actually quite downright depressed over how awful the house can get.

Tryharder · 07/08/2014 08:11

YABU.
At one point my DH was a SAHP and I worked full time with brutal hours.

I would have be pissed off if I had come home to a tip. You are being massively unreasonable actually and entitled. You only have one child and seem to be expecting your DH to do everything in the house as well as well as working to support you

You say you are out all day
entertaining a toddler but keeping on top of housework doesn't take that much time. I'm sure your DH doesn't fancy doing housework after 10 hours in a job whilst you sit in the park or drink coffee at soft play or whatever.

aprilanne · 07/08/2014 08:18

hello lemondriz .i sympathise .my husband while he is good father .would always help with night feeds and things .anything for the 3 sons .housework is a nono .and yes being a SAHM .i just assumed all these responsobilities .my hubby would not know one end of an iron or washing machine from the other .BUT .if i were you i would try to get him to help more .because if not you will be middle aged and wondering why have i let this lazy so and so off with this .

HSMMaCM · 07/08/2014 08:26

Two children TryHarder. When your DH is working long hours, you should probably do just about everything. When he's working short hours and you are up all night, then you should both pitch in.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 07/08/2014 09:31

It depends on the hours hes working each week. When hes doing to jobs then it pretty much shoupd all fall on you. When hes only doing one job and finishing between 2-4pm he should be doing things around the house.

I think its harder when the mans hours are irregular. My dh works a 9-5 job and has to do 1 saturday a month, so it makes it easier to decide what are his set tasks in the house. That means he can have a written list (its only small), otherwise he just doesnt see what actually needs doing.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 07/08/2014 09:31

*two

TalisaMaegyr · 07/08/2014 10:23

Sorry, I think you're being a bit lazy if I'm honest. It's all very well saying you're rarely in the house to do housework because you need to be out 'stimulating' dc.... We'd all like to be out all the time, but the housework clearly needs doing! And dh is out at work, so I'm afraid it falls to you.

Cheeky76890 · 08/08/2014 08:49

The facts are DH is often home between 2-4 and chills out while you run round till late, then have a broken nights sleep. I think it has to be fairer.

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