To feel utterly paralysed today and that the dc are being let down. Massive moany rant

[justfoundout2014]

I have a few threads on here about how I am trying to separate from my h who has had an affair with a mutual friend. He still hasn't moved out but is at his mother's - due back today. I am alone with the dc, 7 & 5. I just don't know what to do today. It's raining and money is fairly tight and I just can't get motivated to do anything.

They got up early and watched a film and I just feel they are having the most rubbish summer ever. I am sure the eldest has picked up a bit of what is going on, and I have told him to ask me if he is worried about anything, but I just get the sense that he is watching me alot, trying to please me and bottling things up .

They seldom play together, and when they do it usually ends in tears and squabbles before too long. The youngest does imaginary play a fair bit but it is all based on Frozen and the eldest does none. There are boxes and boxes of toys unplayed with and he has gone from being mad about history and science, to being obsessed with sport and spending hours hitting a ball against the side of the house. We do play with him, but when we're not, this is all he does. I feel like I should be encouraging him to broaden his interests (they were broad a year ago) but it's just impossible. Anything I suggest, he doesn't want to do, or does it politely for a while to please me and then stops. I feel he is a bit lost atm ,but I don't know what to do about it.

We are relatively new to this area and have few friends. DD has been invited out a couple of times this holiday, but ds not at all. He seems to have friends at school, but is never invited anywhere and I work f/t, h hasn't really talked to the parents so no contact. I feel terrible that we have let him down like this and he basically has no company throughout the holiday.

He has a good friend from where we used to live, which is not too far away, but I hate meeting up with them because the mother is massively competitive and absolutely obsessed with her dc and I always come away feeling like a shit parent. However, ds loves her ds so I need to psych myself up and arrange a day. The only other person we used to meet up with is the OW who, ironically, I found much better company than this other mother .

This is utterly pointless, but I just wanted to vent. I am a miserable, snappy mother who just seems to find fault with my children (this is what h says to me) because they don't play how I want them to, and I feel guilty about not doing more with them, but I don't actually do anything about it.

Okay. Any play groups/holiday clubs/soft play?
What about baking a cake or icing biscuits? Stick on rainy day clothes and go tear around outside, look at bugs/birds, google what you saw when get home with a nice hot chocolate?
You are doing great. Husband has been a horrible shit but you can do this :) big old squeezy hug

You're expecting too much of yourself. It's a difficult time but it will pass. As well as trying to get out every day, I get the DC to make a holiday list - a bit like a Santa letter - where they write down what they want to do. Then pick their favourites and schedule them in.

Cooking has also been a surprise hit these holidays - DS has helped to make stir fries and curries.

Make a holiday list for yourself too with even little actions that make you happy eg listening to music and try to be gentle on yourself.

Well you're bound to be feeling crap and confused.

You haven't got to be doing anything special all the time.

Ask the dc what they'd like to do.

You could make a pizza and some cakes for afterwards. Go to soft play and have a coffee. Get the duvet down and popcorn and watch some more films, could you afford a cinema trip? A game of bowling? Play hide and seek in the house?

I imagine it's difficult to get out of bed right now but doing something may take you mind off things for a couple of hours.

Regarding your ds playing it all sounds quite normal, my ds is 6 and has hundreds of toys but would rather look at his football cards, if we go to the park these days he just wants to play football with someone.

Does he like books? There is the summer reading challenge free at libraries summerreadingchallenge.org.uk. They get free stickers/bags/posters.
or there is the fifty things challenge which is outdoor based and mostly free www.50things.org.uk
You are a great mum doing a great job so be gentle with yourself.

Just to let you know that their summer hols are JUST like millions of other kids. It's not the norm to be out and about gadding from lovely event to lovely event.

Most kids play at home, have the odd day out and maybe catch up with classmates once or twice.

Unless you happen to live near them all in which case they can call for one another if they're old enough.

Please don't get into the trap of feeling like you're failing them by not having loads of stuff planned....mine are 10 and 6 and they mostly have days here...the odd day out and that's it! They like the rest and the freedom.

How did your day go in the end op?