I probably am but

[Edenviolet]

MIL has really irritated me with her 'entitled' attitude.

She informed me today that she is going to go to "demand" a gastric band operation. I asked had she tried other options to try and lose weight and was informed that no other way will work as she "doesn't have the willpower" and feels her metabolism is ruined anyway. To be fair I don't think her problem is overeating as such but she drinks a LOT of alcohol and fizzy drinks and eats a lot of crisps late at night etc by her own admission and dh said she has always done that.
I just can't see why she won't actually try to lose weight sensibly and wants to go down the route of an operation. It also irks me as we have to pay for dd2 medical equipment which isn't nhs funded so that contributes to my annoyance that mil expects the nhs to do this for her when she won't even try herself.

I know she may have a problem/food addiction/depression etc and she does have a bad back and knees due to her weight so cannot work which must be demoralising but her 'I want' attitude annoyed me. I probably am being a bit judgemental but i needed to vent somewhere.

The nhs will probably tell her to lose some weight first anyway.

But, yes, it would piss me off too.

Why can't she work?

The criteria for bariatric surgery are extremely strict, and she'll have to lose weight before she'll even be considered.

I can see why you would be irritated, but I guess as long as MiL wasn't expecting me to pay for her surgery out of my pocket (although I guess in a way you are through taxes) I'd probably just roll my eyes behind her back.

Let her go head on and 'demand', after all "askin' ain't gettin' ".

It isn't quite as simple as demanding a gastric band. There are usually conditions to be met like losing a percentage of weight yourself, in some areas via a slimming club, and possibly sending people to see a dietician. If she has no willpower to lose weight I can't see the NHS doing an operation (though that's just my opinion!) Has she ever tried other ways to lose weight? It also probably depends on things like other medical factors as well, is it safe for her to have an operation for example?

I know what you mean about being annoyed by peoples 'I want attitude' when it comes to the NHS, I have to pay privately for physiotherapy as it is no longer provided more than a couple of weeks per condition in my area (my condition is chronic, life long and deteriorates so I spend a lot on physiotherapy).

In our area you have to have a BMI over 40 (or over 35 with comorbidities like diabetes, heart problems, etc), you have to commit to a weight reduction and exercise program for at least 6 months and can't go any further unless they confirm you really cannot manage it alone.

She also has a rude awakening coming if she thinks the op solves everything, you may not have real hunger but you still have to change your attitudes and your eating habits to keep the weight off

If most of her surplus calories are coming through alcohol, I think she'd likely have several rude awakenings if she went to see any medical professionals about such an op. I suspect she's just talking out, Hedgehog and not truly serious.

Think we share a MIL...

It just annoys me that she thinks she can demand it. She has said if the gp won't refer her she will change gp surgery.

A gastric band isn't a magic fix. She would still have to completely readjust her lifestyle so that she got the proper nutrition she needed.

Also, she may not be able to eat greasy or sugary food anymore afterwards because stomach acid wouldn't digest it as well and make her very sick. You should probably inform her that she wouldn't be able to drink alcohol ever again if she got this because of empty calories and blocking the absorption of vitamins she needs.

Let her demand what she likes. It will get her nowhere. Ignore. Don't waste your energy on this.

Let her get on with it and give it no more thought.
My mum had great glee in telling me that she had been to the gp's and demanded a band. That she was entitled to one ( don't know why the leech has never worked), and that if they said no she would leave and go to another gp... She is still waiting 6 years later. She cannot do what they ask and see it as a quick fix so she can continue the crisp, eclair, chocolate and booze diet.

your mum is about to get a massive reality check on this. if it was a simple, cheap operation that required no effort on the part of the overweight person to make it work then everyone who was fat would be being offered it. so many people see these things as holy grails of dieting. eat what you want still and stay slim? it just doesn't happen like this. try and be helpful if you have any patience left with her. get her to write down what she eats/drinks honestly for a couple of days and show her how many calories she consumes. if you think your relationship is beyond this then next time it comes up in conversation just shrug and say yeah whatever mum, isn't going to happen. good luck and try not to get drawn into this with her.