inheritance issue

[Firsttimer7259]

This is a v old issue I thought I'd put aside but another inheritance thread got me thinking.
My M died in 2002. After her death my f and my 2 sisters and I spent some months deciding what to do w her mother's house that my m had inherited. It was rented out but in another country. We decided to sell it and split proceeds between the 3 siblings. Once house was sold my f announced he was going to keep the money and reinvest it rather than us having it. This caused almighty ruckus.
A long while later my dad gave me a copy of my mum's will. It says he was to inherit her assets, it also said she wanted to be buried on s plot of land my parents owned w my f. At that point I thought my sis and I got wrong end of stick and she hadn't wanted/meant to leave me and my sisters her mother's house as we had thought.
Thing is the will he showed me was dated 1985 - we were all under 18 then. We were mid to late 20s when she died in 2002. Her death was not unexpected shed had cancer for well over a decade - she often talked about wanting to be cremated ( which she was) and about wanted her ashes scattered) she hated the thought of being buried. She was cremated but her ashes remain in fathers house.
I've often wondered why my mother didn't mmake out parts of her assets directly to her children and feel sad because we have nothing from her - she was a big collector of jewellery and antiques - my sister's and I have none of her things. My f is intractable and had new gf who I guess will keep my mother's silverware etc. It makes me sad because she loved these and some were her mothers. I loved my grab very much. But I've been telling myself for years it's just stuff and if she wanted us to have them she would have made arrangements and to think otherwise just leads to craziness

But: what if that wasn't her final will? My mother was constantly on about making arrangements for her death would she really not have updated it from 1985 to 2002? Also wouldn't she have changed the cremation bit? I know her lawyer - should I call him? Is that nuts? I don't want to scratch at something that's just going to make me sore
Please don't go on about me being grasping etc. Sure the money would have solved things that are hard financially but I do see thats how it goes. But I can't shake the sense that maybe thus wasn't her final will

This is just what I meant in my answer!!! Nobody knows what people will do ! So you make sure that you as a mum make sure your DC defo get something and you write this in your will

This is a classic case, and it Happens! A good solicitor would advice you to do something like this. That's of course you want to leave DC anything

I disagree Mini and with all due respect, it's not up to you to tell me how to write my will.

If I leave them anything it will be to the detriment of my husband, and their fathers, quality of life. We are reasonably comfortably off now compared with some, but our retirement will be tight financially. We love our children dearly, are very generous towards them and have given them, as much as possible, the means to do well in life. Their father is also a fair and scrupulously honest man. If they get no inheritance, it won't be because we have failed them in some way.

Thanks mini and sweet and others who have understood what I mean. Im often embarrassed that I feel like this and wonder if Im grasping and mean to feel so hurt to have nothing of my mothers and to find it incredibly hard to believe this is what she meant to happen. I do consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had a pretty privileged upbringing. I have a good education and didnt want materially, many children where I grew up live in poverty, I didnt. I was lucky. Times are sometimes hard now but not in ways we cant manage.

My m spent the last year of her life very agitated about how we would do without her, she was dying and she knew it. I used to calm her down, telling her it would all be fine, we'd all look after each other. Now I think I was incredibly naive, but I was 28 and the way my dad changed towards us after she died was a horrible shock. In retrospect I think he'd always been like that but I didnt want to see it. I remember having a talk with him when my nephew was expected about how this would be an occasion to kit my sister out with some household things etc and he just pursed his lips and talked about the cost. My dad is a millionaire, we were talking about bedding for the baby, a cot, some crockery, maybe a washing machine - a few hundred pounds. My sis was just 23, and had been very ill. There is no state security. Id just given up a job I hated and was struggling to get a business going and trying to send money to my sister and he was trying to blackmail her into signing something or she wouldnt get money he had freely available. Oh god he is such a shit - I dont want to think about this again.

You know fireside my m trusted my f too through 30 years of marriage.

Fire,
I wasn't telling you what to do! I was just pointing something out that I maybe thought you might of overlooked(call it being helpful)

I have a child now(24) divorced from his dad, I now live my partner. My son as had a very good up bringing, works and we have helped him as much as we can.
We have a decent retirement, not lots of money but enough.
I know my son would not be expecting money on my death, but I WISH to leave it to him. It's mine and I'm not letting any trusts, what ifs talk plansim having it written JUST IN CASE then there no arguements, resentment.

First
I am so sorry your father as turned out like this, you mum would be mortified at the way he as treated you girls.

How he can be so mean, especially as you say he as quite a bit of money is disgraceful . How can you treat you DC like that in an hour of need
Like you say you were young and naive! Oh to of been older and wider back then!

My partners dad(who is divorced from his dm) also remarried now with altzeimers is going through similar. His wife as named her son as executor on his will! He and the girls are v annoyed at her for cutting them out of there dads welfare in the future. He been married 35 years!

I was so ashamed we couldnt do better for my sister. I sometimes feel torn about whether my M would be angry with me for not taking my D to task more on these things. Also about her ashes - she wanted to be scattered, she said this all the time - it makes me feel ill when I walk into his house and see her ashes shut up there.
I try to accept that these are her instructions in their legally binding form and its not my fault if its not what she might have wanted. Also I know its just what I think she wanted, its possible my F quite genuinely thinks she wanted something else and maybe he's right. I feel guilty and confused about it all. I wish I wasnt thinking about it again, its like a scab that doesnt heal.

I just wanted her to be calm and rest, she was so incredibly ill. Maybe I did totally the wrong thing and all this crap is my fault for sitting there going 'shh shh'' like an idiot when I should have helped her get her affairs in orer.

7259 if your father a millionare then to have your sister .struggling with a baby is unforgiveable .but at least you dont have to be greatfull to him .goodness if my inheritance had been in that league i would have gladly given .my grandchild whatever to make them comfortable .please don,t fret .your father is not worth it .

First

You've nothing to be ashamed about, you did your best at the time and that's what's important.
It's your dad who should be ashamed!

It's normal that something like this will surface every once in a while, it's heated you up again! It will settle.(not that that puts it to rest) but it's how we deal with things that matters and were all different.

Don't beat yourself up, for your DF actions.

Your dad sounds terrible. I doubt you can do anything about the money now - but can you stealthily take your dm's ashes away with you, and scatter them where she wanted?