AIBU to be annoyed by this - and what would you do??

[WorryBunny]

Hello!

I have been a bit addicted to MN since I found out I was pregnant but this is my first AIBU post (prepares for impact) and I have NC for this.

I am 10 weeks pregnant with my PFB and my partner and I are keeping things quiet until after the 12 week scan (which I think I’ll be having just before 14 weeks.) My parents know but other than that we have not even told his family (or his DD7). I also have a good reason to want to keep it quiet at work for a bit as I am currently working out maternity plans.

Now all that aside, I am sure that some of the more observant people at my office have twigged as I have ballooned in size, have had a fair few appointments (for me) and in the first 6 weeks was hit pretty hard with nausea (suffering in silence is not my forte.)

At a work party last week one of my colleagues asked me outright if I was pregnant (one on one) and because I don’t really want to lie about it I said that it was, but made it very clear that we had not had any of the scans yet and that we didn’t want people to know for a little longer and DP particularly didn’t want it spread yet. She seemed to accept this and has not even mentioned it to me since.

I have just spoken to DP who is more than a little miffed to have just been congratulated on our pregnancy by the same person. Now I realise that she might have thought it would be ok to say something to him (which is why I may well be BU), however apparently the way she said it was that I had announced it at the party… Not at all the case…

I explained what actually happened and he’s fine as he now realises that I didn’t effectively stand on a chair and make a speech, however I am a bit annoyed about this and slightly concerned that maybe other people know too now.

Do you think I should speak to my colleague and reiterate that this is very much private for the time being, or do I just get over it?

No I don't think you should speak to your colleague, I think you should have told your DP at the time that she asked you if you were pregnant. Any reason why you didn't mention it to him? If I was your colleague I would have assumed that it was not a problem to quietly congratulate your partner. That's not exactly the same thing as talking about it to "people"!

I can't offer any advice but I am in a similar situation as also waiting for my 12 week scan. I was on a night out the other week and told a couple of good friends and, like you, reiterated that it's not public knowledge yet. After I went home, they ran into my DP and all congratulated him quite publicly. Luckily, I don't think anyone else overheard but I was still annoyed. I didn't mention it to them as I know they did it with good intentions and just didn't think about it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I suppose that she didn't think that he 'counted' in the keeping it quiet thing. As he already knows.

I don't blame him for being put out though as you have told who you wanted to tell your family, but he hasn't. You say you are keeping it quiet till after the scan, but you have told your parents.

Sorry to drip feed (not intentional) I did mention to DP that X has guessed about the pregnancy on the night - I just didn't expect her to mention it to him (she didn't 'quietly congratulate him' by the way - that's the problem.)

Also - SavoyCabbage we agreed I would tell my parents (they live miles and miles away and could do with some good news) but are waiting to tell DPs much larger (local) family until it's really all systems go because of his DD - I don't think that's much of a problem and DP is happy with this situation.

I would probably call and ask 'have you told anyone about this - I thought I was clear about not wanting anyone to know yet?'

Thanks PerfectlyPosed :) Congrats to you too - hope it all works out for you!

AlpacaMyBags I'll probably have a word - thanks :)

I'd forget all about it & not mention it tbh

Ok, I thought he was miffed as he felt you had told someone.

The unreasonable thing in all this was her direct question to you. For crying out loud, surely anyone realises that you don't, ever, ask someone if they are pregnant? If they are, they will tell you in their own good time - and there are dozens of excellent reasons why someone newly pregnant might not want to broadcast it! It's pure, ignorant nosiness to stick your big nose in.

I told no one until seventeen weeks because I needed to wait for the results of some tests. I had lots of hospital appointments, grew a noticeable bump and threw up in the loos at work all the time - and though close friends and some colleagues said later they had guessed, it's to their credit that not one single person asked me. I appreciated their tact.

On reflection - I think possibly DP and I are both BU in thinking that we can micro-control every aspect of this, however I agree with TalcomPowder that I was a bit shocked to be asked (however it was a party and wine was flowing, so I think she was just a bit 'lubricated.')

I might just gently remind her that it's still v hush at the moment and try to forget about it - we both have many other things to do that don't involve worrying about this. Glad I'm not totally unreasonable though!!

YANBU to be annoyed and I think you should tell her so.

Slightly different but I told my boss when I was 10 weeks pregnant as he wanted me to go to a conference when I would be 7 months and I wouldn't want to travel by then (it was long-haul). A few days later one of our colleagues who I didn't really know publicly congratulated me. I was seething and told him how unprofessional it was.

Given she has already displayed a lack of tact in both asking you about it and congratulating your DH, I think there is no harm in politely underlining the fact that it is to be kept quiet for now.