To think this child is spoilt and ungrateful?

[CrohnicallyDepressed]

Child wanted a particular dressing up outfit. Parent couldn't get it, so bought 2 other things along the same lines, with child's agreement at the time.

Child spoke to me today (over a week later) and all she said was that she wanted the original outfit (and a big list of other stuff she wanted and didn't have). I pointed out the stuff she had been given and child just shrugged and continued to sulk.

I really wanted to say that if she didn't want the doll I would take it off her hands- but wasn't sure how that would go down with the parent (seeing as they don't think their child can do any wrong).

Child in question is nearly 5 and will be starting school this year. AIBU to think that they are spoiled? Or is it normal behaviour for a child that age?

When my son started this (to be fair it was just after his birthday) we started pocket money and saving for what he wanted. We don't rigidly enforce it but it does make him stop and think.

I think it's natural for a child to still want the original item. If the parent gives in and buys that item following the continued sulking, then the child is spoilt. If they don't buy it, then then she is just being sulky.

I think that if you want a specific thing, then getting two other things doesn't make you not want the thing you wanted.

I want a pasta maker. A good expensive one. I would still want that pasta maker if I bought a mixing bowl and a juicer.

I think the parent missed a perfect opportunity to talk about saving up for things.

agree with savoy, and I dislike being mean to little children when other strategies have not been implemented.

I want beatiful linen blinds, but I have interim wooden slats, I still want the linen blinds.

am i spoilt too!

I can see that you would still want the original thing. But it was discussed with the child at the time of buying 'if I get you this, it means you won't get the other thing', the child agreed.

the child is......five. nuff said. get over it stop picking on them.

Of course, I may BU and letting my dislike of the parent calling my child spoiled colour my thoughts!

Sounds like 5 to me - kids don't really get expense, they get acquisition and "having".

Its the parents that tend to tie themselves into knots about things, and there are a couple of ways to deal with it IF the parent feels that the childs understanding is up to it.

Let's face it - if all adults understood delayed gratification there'd be less need for buy now pay later schemes.

I don't like any child being called spoiled really and think the only real spoiling of children you can do it by violence or abuse.

also most people miss the point of being spoiled or not, it doesn't really come down to volume of material things.

there'd be less need for buy now pay later schemes v true or our massive collective uk credit card debt.

My 5 year old is never happy no matter what she gets or doesn't get. We don't have a lot of money, but she gets far more than I did as a child.

She sighed and told me I don't take her to the beach enough, at the end of a week where she had been to the cinema, out to dinner twice, shopping and had just spent hours in the park!

I know that GPs spoil her rotten, but I try not to, and I despair at her level of entitlement. But she's 5. At that age they can only see what they want and only think of themselves.

She still desires it though. It's madness to buy her something else to stamp out the desire.thats not the way it works.

That's like saying I know you are in love with Terry, and you want to marry him, but marry Dave instead and then you will forget all about Terry. Also, you must never ever mention Terry to me ever again.

Yes but it's just the truth. The child still wants it! As would you if you had a really desired item and somebody got you something second best instead. That isn't spoilt, that's human nature. Spoilt is if the parents go out and buy the costume in question despite agreement to get the other thing instead. Agree that it seems a good time to be introducing pocket money!

Was it an Elsa dress?

YABU if it was. A Belle and a Rapunzel would not be an equivalent present to a five year old.

I get my two to wait for presents if what they want is out of stock. Worth it in the long run.

Was it by any chance a sweeping generalisation from five minutes observation and ten seconds interaction on the part of your friend?

Always goes down well

• SaucyJack Mon 04-Aug-14 22:48:30

I cannot wait for xmas when mine gets hers.....she has secretly coveted one and was with me when an assistant said " oh you wont get an elsa dress, 3 thousand went in five mins from the times square disney store..."

I said to her the only person she can ask is F christ, no one else has a chance....

she has been waiting nearly all year so i hope she still desires it come xmas...and hope its ok and fits her and isnt scracthy!

Why did the parent call your child spoilt, and did they say it to DC, you, or both?

Children that age don't get the waiting thing.
You need to watch the test that Robert Winston did where he said if you don't eat the sweets in front of you then you'll get more later (or something like that) the older children got it. Few of the younger children did. It's not spoilt, it's the way small children are. Even adults often struggle with the concept.

It's not spoilt, it's the way small children are. Even adults often struggle with the concept

Hear hear.

And YABU. Especially for making such a harsh judgement about a child because you don't like her parents.

You're using adult approaches and reasoning about someone with about two years of life experience, the majority of which has been in a world at which they are the epicentre.

D

Ok thank you guys, guess ISNU.

Those that have asked, my child is not yet 2, the other parent knows us very well and calls her spoilt because she has tantrums! The parent has made the comment more than

I never said I don't like the child's parent. I said I don't like the fact that the child's parent calls my child spoiled. And if I'm being harsh saying it about a nearly 5 year old, what does that make them, saying it about a not yet 2 year old?

Posted too soon!

Guess IABU not ISBU

The parent has made the comment more than once, in that PA way where you talk to the child but are really saying it to the parent. Like 'you've got your mummy wrapped round your little finger, haven't you, you spoiled little madam' (or something like that, I don't remember the exact words)