To never allow my DD to go to her cousin's b.d parties again?

[BitchTits]

Last year my cousin had her party at a soft play and had all of her school friends present. Family were also invited so I took my then 3yo DD along. My cousin ignored my DD and some of my cousin's friends trapped my DD in this small room like box thing and repeatedly kicked and punched my DD. I had to pull four, 5yr olds off my DD. After getting cross with parents who were sitting on the sidelines watching, me and my DH left. I told my Auntie I was really upset that almost everyone who had seen what was going on did nothing to help my DD or tell their own kids off for jumping/kicking/punching on my toddler. To make things worse my own family said I was over reacting and that I was a helicopter parent - because I was furious and shouted at the parents for doing nothing my family said I was in the wrong and I had almost ruined my cousin's b.d.
Fast forward to yesterday and it was my cousin's 6th b.d. Reluctantly I agreed to take my DD along. My mum took us along to the party but got called away half way through. The only people I knew were my auntie, her husband, my cousin and my Gran. My DD tried to talk to her cousin but she kept running away from my DD. My DD brushed it off and decided to play football with two boys. She didn't join in the party games because she would rather play football or go on the bouncy castle. One of the kids who started hitting my DD last year was present and decided to push my DD off the bouncy castle resulting in my DD hitting her face off the floor (and missing the mats!). After telling the other girl to leave my DD alone we all went down to the "food room" as it was time to eat. All the kids sat together on 3 long tables. Although my DD wasn't sitting next to her cousin she was pleased to be sitting next to another girl who was next to her cousin as she felt included. I got DD to pick out some food and when we got back to the table a parent was sitting in her seat. I tried to explain to him that he was sitting in my DDs seat but he refused to move saying he needed to make sure his child would eat something. He then sat with his back to my DD the entire time and my daughter was stuck at the end of the table with no one she knew to talk to. In the finish I made her come and sit with me and her Nanna at the food table because I could see how upset she was becoming. Later all the girls lined up to get their photo taken and my DD got excluded from this by the mean kid and her cousin. Heart broken doesn't begin to cover it. That was the last straw for my 4 yr old DD and she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I asked my mum if we could go home and she agreed. When we said goodbye to my Gran she ignored us because she was talking to a council man who was there to supervise the party. My DD said "Goodbye Grandma" and she blanked her which resulted in more sobbing. I had to carry my exhausted child to the car who seemed unable to cope with everything that had happened. After talking to my DH about it all we have decided our daughter won't be going back to another one of her cousin's b.d. My family have said that is unreasonable. Are we being unreasonable?

Wow. Sorry it's mega long.

i think you have a pretty good reason not to like your cousin, she seems very rough as do all her friends

I got to the part about your dd being hurt by the older kids and that was enough to justify it to me! The rest is just awful though. Yanbu at all. There is no way in hell I would put my precious dd in that situation ever again. I wouldn't give a shiny shite what they thought.

Mix of age groups doesn't always work well at parties. We now do birthday parties for school friends only. No cousins, neighbours or outside school friends.

That said, your aunt sounds a right cow.
Don't go to her parties, and don't invite them to your DDs party,

Instead of apologising your family is blaming a 4 year old! they all sound toxic and I would seriously distance myself. I would gave taken her home sooner.

This si often the way IME. The relatives feel they ought to invite your DD but obviously the birthday girl wants to have fun with her friends rather than babysitting a 3 yo.In fact it sounds as though she doesn't even want her there at all

I would certainly make your excuses next time.

I feel really sad for you and your daughter. In fact, your post has given me a sore heart. You behaved in the normal protective way that any good parent would. Really sorry this happened to you. Definitely give your wee one a treat to make up for it all.

YANBU - if you feel you can, tell them why, if not, make an excuse next time - they'll soon get the message. The statement "You can choose your friends, but not your family" is true.
My 5yo niece is very, very close in age to my DD, (literally days younger) and for want of a better word, is a little cow.
Because they are cousins and in my massive family keeping the peace is everything, they see each other reasonably regularly and are expected to attend each other's parties, but what the kids don't realise is that they are very closely supervised and the fact they don't go to the same school, and are encouraged to play in front of adults, not upstairs is because my niece is a spiteful little bully, who snatches, pinches, pushes and insults most children, but my DD in particular and given a chance would make her life hell. My parents agree but hope she will change as she gets older.
I've consciously encouraged my DD to make friends outside the family, so she is not as reliant on a child who, apart from DNA, she actually has nothing in common with.
They are totally different children and I am now refusing to push them together because they happen to be related.
My perhaps wrong theory is that eventually my DD (who idolises her cousin and will do anything she says) will eventually realise for herself.
In your case, I'd keep them apart, your cousin clearly isn't interested and it's making your life hard, so I would definitely not go next time.