To think she could just NOT go out for a meal ONE night a week and speak to her grandchildren on Skype?

[ICanHearYou]

My mother moved to the other side of the world a few years ago.

The problem is that she Never bothers to make regular time for contact with us. It is always 'oh I might contact you then or I might not' and it drives me up the wall. I only have the boys here on Mondays and Fridays in the week, Sat/Sun doesn't work because she constantly goes out/away/out for dinner on those nights.

The biggest will be at school in September and I think she probably just won't speak to/see him at all in term time.

I could understand it if it was something she was obligated to do but its not, she just doesn't bother skyping. I have to explain to them why even though I said Nana would call she hasn't and its hard.

How can people say you mean so much to them but then as soon as there is other 'stuff' going on in life they just blank you. Drives me mad and inevitably leads to situations where she says she will skype at a time when I have already got plans and then she just ignores them and tries to skype anyway!

Why are you bothering with her?

Trying to skype regularly obviously isn't working.

You need to decide what effort / level of contact you want to put in to maintain the relationship (if at all) and just do it regardless of what she does. So, you just do whatever you won't resent - take video on your phone and email it / postcards / attempt skyping at specific times but accept she might not be there.

YANBU to want her to want to maintain the relationship but YABU to waste energy resenting her for not doing it on your terms.

For a bit of background, I actually didn't speak to her for a year, for many reasons and she was constantly trying to get back in contact, she obviously cares very much but she gets completely lost in what she is doing on a weekly basis and then it all comes back to the children meeting here/spending time with her/getting used to skyping her and then it being so fragmented that they get hurt by it.

They are getting older and so getting MORE hurt by it and I don't know that I can take much more of that.

The thing is I am tied, if I break contact she will fight tooth and nail to be a part of our lives again, shes fine when she is here (every year for 3 weeks ish) but she goes back and just totally totally forgets that children need to have contact with people or it is upsetting for them.

I just don't know what to do.

Regardless if the person was my mother or any other family member, if my kid was being hurt by their actions I would be going bonkers to be honest.

You have written a very factual and heartfelt post and I think it might be time to be hard with her, you are hurting your grandchildren what are you going to do about it? If you don't come up with a plan to avert this situation then im afraid we won't be here in the future. If she doesn't make the effort then that's it, let the kids recover and ignore all efforts from her.

From my point of view my parents would not have moved to another continent and miss out on their grandchild, and if I'm honest I would have torn them a new one if they did. But my family is very close arguments are rare but can be loud, but over with quickly.

I feel you need to set boundaries with her op and stick to them.

stop telling your children that she will ring.

if and when she does ring and they are available, it will be a nice surprise.

I have family all over the world and sometimes it isn't easy