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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about the cost of having a baby by a donor

32 replies

wouldlikeanother · 04/08/2014 09:56

Does anyone have any experience of how much it would cost to have a baby by a donor?

My son would love a sibling and with the age gap getting bigger, using a donor is something that I'm seriously considering.

I've seen a few mums posting on here recently saying that they've had a donor conceived baby, and I wondered if you could please impart your wisdom.

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
juneybean · 04/08/2014 10:00

For IUI or IVF?

wouldlikeanother · 04/08/2014 10:10

I'm a single parent, so not fertility issues, just that I don't have a partner but would like another child.

OP posts:
Catsize · 04/08/2014 10:15

From memory, it cost about £450 per treatment, which is cheap compared to the UK, but we had the expense of getting to Denmark. This was preferable to us for all sorts of reasons though, and I think the costs worked out about the same as they would be in the UK. There was an initial charge of 100 euros for accessing all the info about the donors on the European Spermbank website (yes, such a thing really exists). You can also get sperm shipped to the UK if you prefer, but that is quite expensive. You find out so much more info about donors in Denmark than the UK. Good luck!

juneybean · 04/08/2014 10:16

Yes I get that but in England you cannot buy donor sperm for use at home.

Catsize · 04/08/2014 10:43

Is that what OP wants? Hadn't realised. Even from Denmark it has to be shipped to a registered clinic.

juneybean · 04/08/2014 10:51

No idea! When she mentioned cost I assumed she meant in a clinic...

Of course, one can go down the unregulated route and visit sites such as pride angel and tadpoles for men offering their services.

Catsize · 04/08/2014 10:56
wouldlikeanother · 04/08/2014 10:59

I'm just curious about options really.

OP posts:
Koothrapanties · 04/08/2014 11:00

Watching because this is something I have been curious about.

juneybean · 04/08/2014 11:04

Well I'm currently paying £1000 per IUI cycle plus £375 for donor sperm. HTH

wouldlikeanother · 04/08/2014 11:05

Kooth - what are your thoughts?

I'd love a second child, but don't want to wait around for Mr Right and have a huge age gap.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/08/2014 11:17

I know someone doing this and it's 7,500 a go with all the treatments and the trimmings.
Took 2 attempts as well so very expensive.

Another couple I know did it via Denmark because you get 3 attempts for 5000 instead of 1 go for more over here in the UK.

FrenchJunebug · 04/08/2014 11:23

it cost me around £500 for IUI (£150 for the sperm and the rest was the medical procedures). You can find donors (genuine) for free on the net but it does involve doing the insemination at home. Any further questions let me know!

If there is not medical problem you don't need anything other than a simple IUI. IVF is way more expensive.

Catsize · 04/08/2014 11:33

£7,500 a go?!?!?!?! Really? Think I would be very Hmm about that.

ElizabethArdenGreenTeax · 04/08/2014 11:35

I admire your proactive attitude. good luck to you. I used to think that life would just happen if I sat back. Now I have a plan.

No practical advice though.

ElizabethArdenGreenTeax · 04/08/2014 11:36

(single parent as well)

Catsize · 04/08/2014 11:37

To give you an idea...
diersklinik prices
1DK is 11p.
We used this clonic and it was amazing.

ElizabethArdenGreenTeax · 04/08/2014 11:39

Oh, go to a clinic in Denmark, Please don't order some goo (if you're lucky) off the internet Shock

FrenchJunebug · 11/08/2014 11:28

you don't have to order goo from the internet. You can meet lovely men who for personal reasons are prepared to help you by giving you their sperm to have a kid. Going to Denmark is easier said than done, you need to have the time and money to hop on a plane and stay there for a while.

ReputableBiscuit · 11/08/2014 12:27

Excuse my massive ignorance, but what is the reason for it having to be implanted clinically? My only experience of sperm donation involved a gay man doing it for his friend, a gay woman. I think he just, erm, y'know and then she injected it in - cost zero - is there a reason a version of this doesn't happen on a systematic scale?

juneybean · 11/08/2014 12:37

Well for me, I guess the success rate is slightly higher. I know that the chance of my child meeting their half-siblings (by accident) is much lower as families are limited to 10.

When I first started looking I did look at meeting a man to help me, but he showed me his "children" so far, there were over 20 of them.

Catsize · 11/08/2014 13:46

reputable, through a clinic, tests have been carried out for STIs, HIV etc. Also, the 'quality' of the sperm is tested. And don't get me started on the legal ramifications of a mate doing a favour... Smile

AMumInScotland · 11/08/2014 13:53

Legally, I think you have a lot more protection (and so does the father) if you go through a clinic rather than a personal arrangement.

Where the father and the mother are friends, and he's happy to be identified and known throughout the child's life, that's something they can choose if it suits them.

But I assume the OP doesn't have a potential biological father in her life that she can ask.

PosyFossilsShoes · 11/08/2014 14:21

I'm 6 months pregnant via donor insemination at the moment. It was really overwhelming trying to get useful information so I hope what I found helps you!

Your options are:

Known donor at home

You can use websites (PrideAngel comes to mind but only because they spam every gay women's website in the entire UK, constantly) which is like a dating agency for donors / donees. Or find a friend. There are some genuine men who just want to donate, often because they have a friend or family member going through this and want to help.

Pros: It's cheaper and you can, by arrangement, get them to donate on consecutive days, improving your chances of conception (e.g. inseminate 4 days running rather than just once.)

Cons: As well as the genuine men there are some total weirdos who will try to persuade you that the "natural" way (i.e. sex) is more likely to get you pregnant. One was recently convicted of sexual assault after the donee discovered he'd actually had a vasectomy and was just using this as an excuse for a shag. You would have to arrange any STD testing or hereditary illness testing yourself. You have no idea how motile their sperm is.

Caution: Legally, in the UK if you don't use a clinic, then the donor is the father and will be entitled to contact and even residence of the child (unless you are in a civil partnership with another woman). Having a paper agreement is next to worthless. You would also be entitled to go after him for maintenance payments. The man who seemed so happy to be "Uncle X" may change his mind if he disagrees with how you're bringing the child up. These sorts of agreements can go horribly wrong and end up in tears and litigation. I wouldn't use a friend, no matter how trusted, because of this.

Known donor via clinic

Your only option with a UK clinic as all UK sperm donors are known donors. You browse a catalogue of men (yeah, weird) and decide whose sperm you want. Then get the clinic to store the sperm and inseminate you when you're ovulating.

Pros: The sperm is trusted, washed, checked for nasties. The insemination is done straight into the womb, so none is wasted. You don't have to make eye contact with a man holding a jam jar of jizz.

Cons: I hope you are very very rich. UK clinics are expensive.

Unknown donor via clinic

Only available outside the UK. There's about equal research shows that donor conceived children do better with a known donor and with an unknown donor so I haven't put that as a pro or a con.

Pros: Same as with a known donor, plus unknown donor sperm is cheaper than known donor.

Cons: You have to travel.

What I did - I went to Vitanova in Copenhagen for IUI. My personal view (and it is personal) was that the UK clinic I saw was running a business whereas Vitanova was running a service. The UK one wanted me to have my tubes flushed with blue dye etc as though I was there for fertility treatment, and really all I needed was the sperm! But I know a lot of people are reassured rather than put off by the UK's more medicalised approach.

With a known donor you would choose your sperm and tell them at the initial appointment (can be done by phone) who you want, and with an unknown donor you just give them race / height / hair / eye colour requirements. You need to have an STD test and a certificate confirming you're immune to rubella and a couple of other things. Then you just wait to ovulate and when you see that smiley face on the testing kit, hop over to Copenhagen (about £100 term time but can go up to £300 in holiday time). You can get there, get inseminated, have a look round the museum and be back on the plane the same day.

If you want an unknown donor or a known donor but less expensive, and don't mind the last-minute travel, then I can highly recommend Vitanova, they were very welcoming and reassuring - and they speak perfect English!

Catsize · 11/08/2014 14:25

I was just bobbing back to say that the sperm washing thing was a major psychological plus for me! Smile