Hi, I'm new to this group and I'm hoping some of you can offer me some support/words of advice?
I currently have two sons, aged 10 and 4 yrs. Since my youngest was 2, I've always yearned for a third child. Whilst, initially, I wanted to try for a girl, I know that I would be very happy whatever gender I had.
For 2 years, my hubby and I have had loft tidying sessions and each time I have mentioned about having a third, i.e. are we keeping the baby bits (cot, baby bath, toys etc), he always says never say never and we don't need to get rid of them. This in turn, got my hopes up for a third.
However, each time I ask about a third, he always says "Never say never but I'm not ready yet". BUT time is not on our side, I'm just about to turn 37 and he is 41 and really don't want to wait any longer for a third.
A month or so ago, he was put on antidepressants for feeling a bit low and anxious and whilst I appreciate this, I get down at times too and just keep going on (although know people cope differently to depression etc). I then read up on the internet that the pills he has been prescribed could cause birth defects (should we conceive). He worried and came off them (unknown to me until he told me a couple of days later). We both agreed that I should talk to the Drs to seek advice and I did, so he restarted the pills (they are safe after all). He now seems much happier than before.
So, a couple of nights ago, I approached the subject again. We had also discussed moving house and getting a dog. Originally he was keen on moving (getting a bigger mortgage before we get too old) yet the other night said he didn't really want to move but then last night said he did?! He even said, the other night, that I could get a dog for me and the boys but didn't want nothing to do with it (a few weeks ago he said he'd prefer a baby to a dog). I don't want a dog right now, as have two senior cats which wouldn't be fair on them.
Then, he said he didn't want another baby!!! I feel confused and so upset. Why, for two years has he told me to keep the baby bits in the loft, why did he say "never say never", why did he come off the tablets and get me to speak to the Dr until he knew it was safe to go back on them? He said he's happy with his two boys and hates to see me so upset and he said that he usually gives in. I explained I don't want to push him in a corner and want him to want these things to.
We've been in our house for 6 years and only decorated that boys rooms and done the garden (but this house was his sisters and at the time was a cheap buy but not an ideal house for us). I had a few months off last year, in between jobs, but I am now working part-time in a permanent role, with the NHS. My youngest starts school in Sept, so both my boys will be at school. My hubby earns £32k per year, so I don't think money would be an issue. My parents help out with childcare.
Sorry to ramble, but I feel so upset and don't know how to cope without another child. We agreed I'd go back to work after a few months to help out financially, which I have done. He worries what other people will say if we have another. My eldest was diagnosed with Executive Functioning Syndrome (similar to Aspergers) so his behaviour can be trying at times. My 4 year old wakes up most nights still. He says I've got enough to deal with, especially with sleep deprivation, without the need for another. BUT time is not on my side and somehow I think I'll feel resentment in years to come. I feel trapped and that I'm having to ask his permission when I want things. That said, I want him to want another child, not force him into it.
Support and advice greatly appreciated!!!