To not want to go on lovely holiday at Christmas?

[Smooshface]

In laws are taking us to florida in October with dd's 5 and almost 1.

They want to go away at Christmas too, skiing (which I'm not mad about) or Caribbean (which sounds nice but I'm not much of a beach person)

I don't want to go. All sounds like effort right now, still feeding to sleep currently a restless 8 month old (feeding her as I write this!). I kind of want to see how florida goes. And me and FiL
Don't always see eye to eye (has already fed 7 month old chocolate buttons when I wasn't looking and acted like I was being ridiculous as he had fed his kids choccy since birth he claims)

Partner basically thinks I'm being selfish and this would be great for the kids. He is talking about going skiing with dd1 and I can stay with dd2 in uk if that's what I want. Generally he has been good about me saying no to various holidays, but this has him irked.

I am looking forward to florida as I am a big kid and I know that it will be fab for princess loving dd1. But I feel like that's enough and more stuff is too much. Plus my parents may actually want to see us a bit more as the autumn half term we will be away! I'm a bit nervy about travelling, especially long distance. Ha and the other thread about American toilets has me spooked!

No holiday ourselves, we bought house last year and tbh we are a bit in debt! Should think about it but already too late this summer, partners time off is this week and we are spending most of it at in laws (this looks like quite the pattern at the moment! Not usually this bad)

That's the thing, if not florida in October (which partner reckons will be the worst out of the three holidays!? But is already booked) then I'd be more up for it.

Feel bad as no holiday with my parents this year, have done center parcs last few years with them but think deemed too expensive this year

Partner has 3 siblings, we are the only one with kids, hence why so popular ;)

I think you should enjoy the October holiday as much as you can.

Let dh and older child go away in December.

You can't really say that you don't want to go and you don't want him to go either.

Just enjoy a week do you and baby, it'll be nice.

Do you and your DH have unlimited annual leave from work? If not my main issue would be to have so much of that limited leave time dictated by someone else!

He doesn't have unlimited leave, and as he's already using a week here this week week in oct and week in march it probably is too much, but I don't think he sees it like that because he wants to go!

Are they paying for all these hols?

I'd tell him that 1 extended family holiday abroad a year is enough for you and you'd rather have family holidays with just the 4 of you and don't like the expectation of you joining his parents on all these holidays as they aren't really holidays for you as you're doing childcare and you don't get on with his father.
If 1 of you loves skiing and the other doesn't then you may end up having some separate holidays. I share some sporting interests with my kids that my husband doesn't share so we've gone off separately rather than no-one going.
Our holidays weren't driven by extended family though as yours seem to be. they seem over keen to make holiday plans for you.

Yeah, they pay for everything, which is amazing obviously, and I am really grateful that they can and do want to!

Thanks for all the advice, am hoping to talk this over with dp tonight and try get him to understand my pov - I did try tell him last night some of this but it was late when we started and fussy baby didn't help!

I am betting that in the scenario where you stay at home with DD2 your DH is banking on DD1 being in ski school for the morning, plus MIL on duty until he can be arsed to get off the mountain.
Ask him which days you are skiing while he looks after the kids if you go. This is all about a holiday for HIM which is understandable with two small kids, but where's YOUR break in all of this?

I think my break is I get to sit round chalet reading or something? Or playing iPad, 'cos hotel wifi is always fast and easy to remain connected to

'Im sure there will be some great photography' comes up a lot, as I enjoy photography, but not sure I can be arsed with whole week of it! You need ways of sorting out and backing up photos too and wouldn't really want to drag laptop

Hmm. Normally I'm happy to bitch about unreasonable inlaws, but you are coming across as a bit of a dreary killjoy here.

You're not much of a skiing person and you're not much of a Caribbean beach person? Seriously? And you say no to "various holidays", right? What were they? Seems like your IL's were lucky that you consented to Florida.

You are incredibly lucky to have such kind in-laws and slipping a 7 month old a chocolate button is hardly giving him a puff on a cigarette - you seem like you're looking for problems where there aren't any.

When your IL's offered to take your DD for the morning, did you actually SAY please be here on the button of 7.30am as that's when we'll have her dressed and ready to hand over? Or did you just assume they'd be getting up at 6.30am to get there quickly enough for you?

YABU.

I'm having to agree with Naan here. The saying no to 'various' holidays reads to me makes you sound a bit difficult, especially as it seems you have only consented to Florida as it's something that you would like. You don't want to ski, don't like beach holidays, what do you like? I think your partner has been very patient and don't blame him at all for being irked. His parents are paying and it sounds like they want to do something with your DD (skiing) that they may not be physically able to do in a few years? Seems a shame to deny your DD a chance to try skiing again when you say that she enjoyed it last time. As for saying that the last holiday was 'shitty' because you had to provide childcare for your DD because your MIL was ill, well in think you were very lucky that you even had the offer in the first place. I also agree that Centre Parcs sounds a bit grim in winter.

Why not do as others suggest and let your partner take your DD on holiday on Boxing Day? Time to see your parents (who being retired presumably are also free to see your children whenever) on Christmas Day and then you will have a lovely week with just you and your little one.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - holidays with in-laws can be tiring anyway but then with a high likelihood of being lumped with most of the childcare too, no, I'd be saying no. It does sound like staying home with DC2 would be easier than going with them (a bit harsh though to be asking you to be apart from your DD1 around Christmas - I assume that offer from your DH was rhetorical?)

I'd let him go with DD1 on his own. Even at the age of 5 she's only likely to want to ski for 2-3 hrs per day outside of ski school so much better that your DH and FIL have to stop their skiing and look after her rather than you being there to provide childcare on tap whilst lugging around DD2.

Having said that I'd love it if anyone offered me a free ski holiday . I'm desperate to go again as we went as a family this year for the first time, but DH wasn't smitten and it's too expensive a holiday, particularly at half term, for me to force it through.

If you don't mind me hijacking for a second, while we have a load of people's attention who go on ski holidays and have kids: by winter 2015 I should be living in Switzerland with my DH and by then 3 and a bit yo DTs. What do you say to ski school for kids that age? I know they cater to 3 and over, but do the little ones enjoy it?

I have done the skiing holidays before and not massively enjoyed them, and I am pale skinned so don't tan or take heat well. I understand I am coming across as killjoy, hence the question really, just at the moment I feel mega worn out and don't feel like facing the palaver that is holidays abroad twice in two months.
I like holidays with stuff to do. Florida has plenty of great fun things to do, theme parks and whatnot, loved center parcs, book a bunch of stuff to do and keep it varied. I don't mind a bit of skiing but I am not mad into it so by day 3 I'm a bit 'so what else is there'- often the answer has been 'not much'. And tbh hoping to use florida trip as a bit of a practise of going away with 2! If it's a nightmare I don't want to be dreading a long trip of more of the same!

The FiL is well meaning but frequently makes me feel like an ass by going against my wishes and then telling me about how it was all different in his day when I point out that I don't want him to do certain things. Wasn't terribly keen on him feeding peanuts to 3 year old, and watered down cola to 1 year old, wanting to leave 3 year old sleeping in hotel room while going to the bar down the hallway... I feel even less assertive when we are on holiday on their dime. Hard to summarise how uncomfortable he makes me feel in a sentence really, he is fairly intimidating and does rise to anger quite quickly at points. He has shouted at me in a way my own dad never would have.

I agreed to skiing last time as was assured of help. There is nothing like hanging round hotel room in foreign country with bored cold 3 year old when I would rather have been having play dates or seeing family in uk.

Retired - free to see children whenever, but school holidays and weekly activities do contribute to that being actuallly a thing, and I don't think totally justifies not seeing them as family all school holidays

When they offered to take dd 'in the mornings' we thought that might mean when she gets up, not at almost lunch time. Partner takes skiing seriously and most holidays he can get himself out of the door for 8am in a way that he would never do for anything else! I know my definition of morning will be bound by her wake up, but saying we get the morning to ski then that being 10:30, with them looking to be let off hook at 12/1, felt a bit like it was a false offer after all the promises before we went away!

But thank you, I wanted a bit of both sides of this. I do feel ungrateful but can't seem to shake the 'I don't want to go' feeling

If FiL is to be believed, partners sister loved it at 3 1/2! I don't know why but I think ours couldn't go to ski school at same age? Think it started at 4 at our hotel

I think it's fair not to go if you don't want to OP.

But I don't think you should stop your DH and DD. Since you don't have funds to do anything off your own bat, this is a nice opportunity for them, no?

Why don't you go skiing with one of the family focused companies like Ski Esprit who have nannies who can take your older child to ski school & help out with the younger child? If you go to Austria or Switzerland there are usually walking trails so you could meet up with your partner at lunch time - it sounds as if you would enjoy the fresh crisp air & you could get fit again. You could rent a sledge with a pram top and then you could tow your younger child if you don't feel confident with hotel staff.

Look - a ski-ing holiday with children under 10-11yr has to be, not just in a child friendly resort / hotel but with on tap provided childcare. Hotels in ski resorts will cater for children but in the local language and according to their childcare models.

Have been taking my DD on ski-ing holidays since she was 4 months old with specialist family skiing companies who cover good ski schools, wrap-round child care / activities, early evening meals and evening entertainment if the kids are still awake. Take a look at Ski Espirt - there are others but can't think of names at the moment. They will also take babies in child care.

This will leave your DH to get up and go at 8am (yes I have one of those too) and will leave you free to go swimming / spa/ whatever. You can then join DH for lunch on the slopes and then come back at leisure. You don't have to worry about being in a bare bedroom with no toys and activities for the children. Ski Esprit even used to arrange bags of nappies locally.

Don't be tempted by Club Med - they follow a french model and all children up to 8yrs are expected to nap in the afternoon and be up until 10pm in the evening, although the ski staff were brilliant.
My DH ( being a really keen skier) would take himself off for weekends which took the pressure off.

So the pitch to your DH - yes OK to skiing but it has to be with a specialist child company; alternatively let him take your DD and he'll soon appreciate how stressful catering / caring for a young one is without all the kit at home.
Good luck

FiL had blazing row with dp on phone earlier but has come home and is perfectly charming now, which makes all this quite hard ;)

Squattingneville -Yeah he's aware of mummy martyr thing, and has said he doesn't want that... Think I will just have to get over it all and try and be happy if he takes dd1 skiing and I stay home, will be interesting to see if I am actually happy doing that or will hate missing out! I just don't want to go and have shit time for sake of it, waste of everyone's time and money

Mine all loved skiing at age 3 1/2 OP! Most resorts in France take them in ski school from age 3, Austria is age 4.

If you're not much of a skier, I can see why this doesn't appeal to you. Ski resorts are pretty boring for non skiers. But equally if your DH is a keen skier then I can see why he thinks a free skiing holiday is too good to turn down! It's tricky.

dpotter that's really helpful advice, will see if we can look into that as might help :) would be good to know that both kids can be entertained if need be

Glad to be of help. There's also Mark Warner, but would avoid Powder Byrne like the plague; although the hotels they use have pools and spas I thought their child care was very poor. There are lots of other companies out there mostly offering european resorts

If you're not really in to ski-ing how about trying snow shoe-ing. I have a friends whose family are very keen skiers and she's not so she goes snow shoe-ing through the ski school. There's different levels of difficulty and it's very sociable. I've tried cross country ski-ing which I really like.

"I just don't want to go and have shit time for sake of it, waste of everyone's time and money"

Fundamentally - this is it. A catered holiday in a nice chalet before you add on costs of ski school etc can be up to 2k per adult in a big resort.

We took DD1 with us on our last ski holiday. She was 2.5. Ski school is 4 yrs but there are creches. We were away with another family and shared a nanny for two small ones. Spent Day 1 getting the kids used to the nanny, Skied Day2, Snow Day 3, Skied half day 4 (spend pm with kids sledging) , Snow day 5, skied half day on Day 6
All in all spent v little time skiing in comparison to pre kids. We haven't been for the past two seasons and are still in two minds for next spring.