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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off about the fact that my so called father didn't bother turning up to his only grand child's first birthday party?

9 replies

Mummytoagorgeouschops · 03/08/2014 21:39

We had a BBQ for my DDs first birthday yesterday.
My mum and dad split up 7 years ago. It wasnt amicable, my long suffering mother few tired of his alcoholism and excessive spending behind her back and called time on there marriage.

My dad didn't take it well. They both have new partners and my dad even has a 3 year old son with his new partner.

Anyway, my mum came round yesterday morning to help me prepare the food etc etc.
She said that she wasnt bothered about coming to the party as she wanted to give my dad the opportunity to make the effort to come to see his granddaughter on her birthday knowing that he wouldn't go if she was there.

I texted him to tell him that my mum wouldn't be there and that it would just be family on my DPs side and some close friends. He didn't reply.

By the time I had finished serving everybody their food it was around 8pm. I rang my dad and he said that he just 'couldn't be arsed.' And that he hadnt got her 'a card or out like that' and that he felt like 'lining your mother up and shooting her in the head for what she's done to me.' I told him to grow up and stop running away from his problems.
Just showing his face would've been enough, he drove past our house today and didn't even wave, let alone stop!

I was pissed off that he didn't let me know as my mum missed out by trying to give him a chance to make an effort. By the time I knew he wasn't showing up it was too late for my mum to turn out anyway.

He lives 3 miles away and I feel as though he has no excuse. He has missed several of my birthdays completely but I thought he would make a bit of an effort for his granddaughter.

OP posts:
fairgame · 03/08/2014 21:42

YANBU. 'Couldn't be arsed' says it all. What a tool.

I've got a grandad like this. He hasn't spoken to me for years and misses all of mine and DS's birthdays. He gets DS's surname wrong all the time and yesterday he topped it all off by missing DB's wedding.

I refuse to try and engage him in my life anymore.

Paddingtonthebear · 03/08/2014 21:43

Ugh. So sorry, he sounds awful. Sorry he's let you down but I feel your DD is best off without him!

ShyGirl1001 · 03/08/2014 21:49

I would say Gradparents attending grandchildrens birthday parties doesn't seem like a necessity to me, but all my family are far flung.

That said with the "can't be arsed" and other comments and only living 3 miles away YANBU. Out of order!

Mummytoagorgeouschops · 03/08/2014 21:53

He's just an arsehole. I'm done with him

OP posts:
Happy36 · 03/08/2014 21:55

You are not being unreasonable. I´m sorry to hear this.

I hope your daughter enjoyed the party nonetheless.

pumpkin3142 · 03/08/2014 21:58

He sounds hopeless, I would stop trying to involve him unless he shows an interest. My father is the same with his grandchildren, I think he may want involvement when they are older, but for now his lack of interest is noticeable. If he wants to be involved later we will let him, in the meantime we are polite but distant to him.

HalfEatenPizza · 03/08/2014 22:01

Sounds just like my dad in regards to bitterness towards mum. Fuck him. Do not give him any more chances. My dad would not come to my wedding if my mum was there. How crazy is that after being divorced for 20 years?!!!!!

Mummytoagorgeouschops · 03/08/2014 22:04

It's pathetic. He dwells so much. Telling me he wanted to shoot my mum in the head upset me. TWUNT

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 03/08/2014 22:09

YANBU - I'm sure your daughter had a lovely day, and next time you know not to bother with special arrangements - it is truly his loss.

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