To ask how you manage to do everything? (cleaning, child care etc).

[timeforanappychange]

I am struggling with the house and two toddlers and am sick of it all.

I work full-time (though flexible hours, not 9-5 Mon-Fri) and run the house. DP can't do much due to chronic illness.

I have been throwing lots of stuff out and giving it away which helps a lot, but I still feel like I'm having trouble coping. Now that the younger child is nearly 2, the child care / sleep is a lot easier than when they were babies. It's time to get fitter, get my life back in order, get the house under control. But where do I start?

If you have some sort of a routine involving children, house cleaning, meal planning etc, please share! Oh and self-care tips are also welcome!

You could google the flylady routine for the housework! My friend uses this and finds it really helpful! It does sound like you've an awful lot on your plate! You'll get there

That sounds pretty shit.

I expect you will get some posters who will say they work 60 hours a week and look after 5 DC under 5 and their homes are spotless - you have been warned.

Getting rid of stuff is a great idea. So is getting a cleaner.

Even if you cannot afford one on an ongoing basis, could you afford one to do a once over so that you then have a cleaner house to maintain?

I don't bother with meal planning much, I just stare into the fridge with a rather bewildered air until inspiration strikes.Do you get your shopping delivered? That might help?

Can DP look after the DC on his own for a short period whilst you go to the cinema/get a haircut and colour/coffee with friends? If not you need to find another way to do these things to feel like you are still you IYSWIM?

I let a lot of stuff slide to be honest when my DC were toddlers. I suspect this is why I found the toddler years a hell of a lot easier than a lot of my tidier friends

My advice is don't sweat the small stuff.

I don't. I live in chaos and just about keep on top of the stuff we need (clean bathroom, sterilised bottles, regular quick hoover etc). I've just gone back to work, I'm hoping it will get easier.

I have 3 DC's and my partner works out of the country so I all lands on me. I'm on mat leave at the min but usually work.

A self care tips:-
join a gym with a crèche in it. Even if you just go an sit on a bike with your headphones in, for an hour, you'll start to feel better.
Get your hair done.
Get your eyebrows tidied up, threaded and tinted if they need it-this makes a huge difference.

House work tips- do things like, clean the bathroom once you've been to the loo. Make the beds as soon as you get out of them, try and do the ironing straight from the line or maiden. I do it even if it's still damp and then hang it back out.
Do as much as you can the night before- empty the dish washer, washing machine etc, so when you get up you aren't faced with mess.
Get a few fail safe quick teas, so if you aren't organised it can be a quick tea night.
I've brought tea forward half an hour too, so kids have eaten and are washed and pj'd in time for feeding no 3.

You just have to muddle along and prioritise things!

At the end of the day if everyone is safe fed and happy you did good

Once I have cleaned my face with face wipes - I use them to clean around the bathroom sink -I persuade myself that it somehow manages to make the whole bathroom seem clean ?

You're a hero. I'm a sahm to one toddler and struggle with everything.

At the end of the day if everyone is safe fed and happy you did good

For sure, Mumof3xox.

We are definitely doing fine on the first 2. I just can't help feeling that if I was happier, everyone else would be happier too . I don't aspire to be some kind of domestic goddess, but I don't want the kids to grow up thinking that it's normal to have a sticky kitchen floor or that you only clean the loo before visitors come. I am not happy with it at all but have had to live in chaos for the past few years while we just got by.

I am so happy to have two lovely relatively healthy children, though. I really can't say that enough. I think it to myself every day .

My friend has a great cleaner who will be back from her hols at the end of August, and I am going to see if she can possibly come 2x a month like she does for my friend. I'm not sure how long we'll be able to afford it for, as my income can be quite irregular, but right now it feels like it would be one of the best ways to spend my money.

Many of the solutions people suggest require money- I don't have a cleaner or have internet shopping as I need to do budget shopping in Lidl and can't afford £100 a month (or slightly less) for a cleaner. Just can't, nothing to give up, unexpected bills like the car breaking down already crippling.

Flylady is quite good, the mantra is you can't clean clutter and it is true. If you have fewer things and clean surfaces it is easier to do a quick wipe. I also do the 'swish and swipe' in the bathroom, pretty much most days, it takes seconds and means that even if you haven't done a deep clean in there, it's all pretty respectable.

I struggle to be honest, some weeks the house is reasonably clean and the fridge well stocked, some weeks less so. But everyone gets to school on time, in clean clothes, is happy and not too stressed. I consider that a victory. You have to be realistic about what you can achieve and congratulate yourself on what you do do, not what you haven't.

I think that's a great idea about the cleaner. Google Flylady though, and start with some of the simple stuff. The 'swish and swipe' is genius as it takes seconds, the idea is to ditch the idea everything has to be done really perfectly, use whatever you have to hand, and do a quick swish of the basin and the same in the loo (I use loo paper instead of a cloth on the loo). It means it never gets manky. It's down at the bottom of this link:

www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/fly-faq/

if you roast a chicken on a Saturday or a Sunday for lunch and do boiled new potatoes and microwave veg or salad dependent on weather, then the next day have chicken pasta with a stir in sauce, then the day after chicken and lettuce sandwiches and oven chips, that's three easy meals with barely any prep at all and you can buy most of the ingredients cheaply and mix and match a bit?

We have a cleaner for four hours twice a month and that makes a huge difference to us and costs £60 a month.

Things like keeping an eye out for bargains on amazon and the internet and bulk buying kids party presents abd cards and wrapping them all up and making the cards with kids in one afternoon always helps me.

also, making a list of what admin needs doing and then doing it all in one chunk with a massive glass of wine to look forward to always helps me too x

Little things I feel help me -

Online food shopping (saves a good couple of hours, a good few pounds and a massive headache)

Getting dc in habit of putting dirty clothes straight into the washing machine

Involving dc in tasks like putting away washing and tidying up the babies toys

Dc fully responsible for tidying own room

I get up at 6ish with baby and try and do as much as possible before the rest are up

I am about to start training 6.7 year old to wash up (obv not sharp knives)

Hi,

I work ft, as does DH and we have 2 DC.

Our house is not spotless. It is tidyish and cleanish. The things that have made the biggest difference to us were getting a dishwasher (even if the dishes are just in it, they're out of the way!) and bizarre as it sounds, new wardrobes. Previously we just had no storage as we had small wardrobes and thin drawers - it was an additional job trying to squeeze stuff in and we used to end up with clothes piled everywhere. Replaced with those self designed ones and the kids now also have very deep drawers so clothes can be stacked like this: lifehacker.com/5726442/fill-dresser-drawers-from-front-to-back-instead-of-top-to-bottom - makes such a difference as were no longer pulling stuff out then squeezing stuff back in.

I think what you need to do is work out the biggest issues - for us it was definitely the laundry but this has now been mainly resolved as above.

Also be realistic. The only was you will get a gleaming home is by spending either time or money on it - if you can do both, great. If you can do one then it'll be better. If you can't do either, you need to readjust your expectations. Don't give it too much headspace though - cleanish/tidyish is good enough for most people.

Who looks after your kids when you're at work? Could they possibly have them a bit longer once a week so you could do a cleaning blitz?

I relied on the Flylady morning and evening routines. They are GENIUS and stop a lot of the chaos before it starts. I plan dinner the day before. I also wash floors at night just before I go to bed.

Have a bin in every room, and a toy box, and don't invite anyone found until both kids are at school full time if you stop washing the windows, the dust becomes harder to see.

Oh, and exercise DVDs are great. Theoretically you can do them in the same room as the kids, but I never got much done that way. You can also get up early to do the 20-min "30 Day Shred" workout. But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. :)

I only got back into fitness after the youngest DC started school which, handily, was right next to a lovely gym that gave discounted memberships to school mums.

Oh that must be really hard! I don't know how you manage it all, I really don't think I could do it.

[tea] .

I work Full time and have four kids. Hubby is fab but doesn't "get" housework.

Kitchen cleaned last thing before bed and dishwasher put on. One load of laudry put in before bed.

Empty dishwasher in morning waving out what is needed for breakfast/packed lunches. Packed lunches made whilst kids eat breakfast (in pjs, save spills on uniform) Quick shower.

Kids get dressed whilst pegging out washing/ putting tumble dryer on.

Tea time kids eat, hoovering done. After tea ten minute tidy for everybody to return items to their own place.

Bathroom gets done when kids in bath.

Saturday mornings (I never work Saturday) full clean of entire house. Kids tidy bedrooms I Hoover, dust, clean windows, clean kithchen and bathroom properly. Kids help, quicker it is done quicker we can do fun stuff.

Load of laundry done everyday in a spare five mins! Kids expected to put all their clothes away.

That's roughly it, changes a bit depending what shift I am on, eg night shifts it tends to reverse.

Sounds a lot but now I am in a routine it works well and I still get free time.

Last tip I swear: self-care can be done at night. Most beauty treatments take 15 minutes (face pack, hair condition, teeth whitening, tan-application, eyelash tinting etc) so you can fit one in every evening for a week and end up feeling great by Saturday.

Or just have a "beauty night" every week after you get the kids into bed.

Run a bath, and before you get in, remove your nail varnish. While you soak, have a face pack and deep-condition your hair, maybe wear eyelash dye stuff, and drink a glass of wine. In the bath, scrub your skin. Get out, wash off any goop, pluck eyebrows, trim your toenails, apply body lotion. Dry your hair, apply fake tan, paint your nails and go to bed. Wake up looking INCREDIBLE.

I understand how a messy house can hit your sense of well being. I finally caved in and hired a cleaner. It makes me so happy having a fairly decent house.

Other than that, getting rid of as much stuff as possible really helped us.

Don't worry about what your kids think of the messy house. It won't register until they are much older. Once the youngest is about 3 and a half they'll be able to entertain themselves for extended periods. So the chaos will end soon.

I know how you feel....that feeling of things being out of control really gets me down. Things that made a difference for me were -

• sitting down with a glass of wine one and doing a meal planner for the week ahead then doing my shopping based on that - less waste and we always had the makings of a meal to hand.
• Giving the kitchen a quick wipe down before bed every night.
• Giving the loo and sink a quick wipe down every day.
• Using a pulley to hang up my laundry - if you give it a good shake out its amazing how few things really need ironed.
• instead of having stuff lying everywhere I have a basket at the bottom of the stairs. Stuff to go upstairs gets chucked in there until the next time I'm going up when I take the basket up with me and put them away.

But most importantly I don't care if it's not perfect as long as it's good enough! You can't do everything.....

With my green and red.

Red is what must be done every day and green is my option.

Red is like cleaning the kitchen and making the beds.

Then green is vacuuming, polishing, clean out a cupboard ect.

I recommend reading how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. If you want more out of life, but not entirely sure how then its a good read. Hes british, humble and very easy to reaf.

Also if you can afford it, get a cleaner.

And i think you could oossibly start training the kids to help with certain chores.

U can't be superwoman - tho u sound close!! Ur been hard on urself x

spray entire bathroom bugger off and clean kitchen return to bathroom and shower off spray bathroom done! if you have boys polish the back of the toilet it helps keep the stains away

hoover and put away daily wash up and put the washing machine on as needed

i use a lot of bleach its surprising how clean it gets things i just sling it around the sink and leave it hey presto clean sink!

im decluttering too im also decorating mumsnetting so im either in a mess or clean depending on where in my living room you look!

I spend a lot of likely too much time at the weeknd taking care of the big things, so that week days are more simple. I still find that there are not enough hours in a day.

I have binned/donated a LOT of stuff, and that really did help. I have a daily cleaning routine that leaves the kitchen clean, the one area of carpet in the house hoovered and bits picked up. Most of it is done in the evening, but it takes an hour at most. The DCs make their beds and the house is respectable enough that I am not afraid to invite someone in.

The weekend is when the rest gets done - floors, bathrooms, laundry... the DCs have jobs, and they started when they were very young. Recycling, dusting, matching socks, folding towels etc were early ones.

I wish you the best, and remember this... When all else fails, lower your standards