To have let my 22 month old go abroad with my ex today?

[MargotThreadbetter]

I don't know. My DS has had a lot of change in his life recently (me starting work, childminder then nursery, staying with relatives for a few days without me) and he's got a bit clingy with me - crying when I leave him at nursery, calling and looking for me when I leave the room etc.

Anyway, my DM has been very ill and she hates my ex due to his past behaviour towards me, so I didn't tell her until yesterday. I knew she would stress about this and avoided it.
She reacted exactly as I expected - saying that I was wrong, that ex and I were only thinking of ourselves (what I get out of it I don't know ) and that she had to speak up for DGS as 'no one else would'. She also said that I was weak and was allowing my ex to manipulate me... In fairness, he is very EA and manipulative and clear barriers are needed with him. However, he adores our son and I know he's safe in his care.

I now feel like a bad mother, but all I'm trying to do is facilitate my son's relationship with his dad. So. AIBU in having let my boy go off this morning? I'm missing him so much already

'Let him' ?? His dad is an equal parent to you

Well thanks for that SoulSister. I'm well aware of that.
I have also raised DS single handedly since ex dumped me for OW when I told him I was pregnant. So maybe he feels a bit more 'mine'. I am trying very hard to foster a good relationship between the two of them.

Thanks for that.

You are both his parents, both parents should be able to do fun things with the DC.

Enjoy the peace.

Do you feel your son is safe I think you do he is on holiday with his dad you imo did nothing wrong I get your mum is anxious especially if he didnt treat well but if he is a better dad without you then there isnt a problem.

That last bit of my post looks bloody harsh sorry didnt mean it the way I think it looks

Of course you are missing him, but he is with his daddy and he'll have a great time and lots of one to one attention.

Holiday times are one of the hardest part of shared parenting to get used to, after a split up, so you're bound to be a bit lost, but try and enjoy this time, schedule some things just for 'you', maybe call up some friends, and don't fret or be phoning every five minutes!

Here's a glass or two of

Thanks ladies, yes the quiet in the house is strange!
I think it's because he's so young and doesn't understand what's happening.
I know he will have a great time with his dad - it's just the first time I've been in a different country to him.
Ah well, vino it is then!

How long has he gone for?

Your DM is VU.

If your ex is a loving and capable father, despite treating you like shit in the past, then you are absolutely doing the right thing in enabling a relationship between him and DS.

Your DS will thank you when he is old enough to understand.

The first time my XH took our DC away after we split wasn't even abroad and the DC were 13 and 10 and I still cried like a baby so please don't beat yourself up about it.

Treat yourself. Do something just for you. Go shopping, meet friends. Could you not go away yourself for a few days? See it as a chance to recharge your batteries.

Mrsjayy I know what you mean. My ex is a much better father now than when we were together and is a better father than he was a boyfriend.

He's gone until Saturday marco

And yes hampton DM is VU, she's almost as controlling as my ex!

Although, I know it's coming from a good if misguided place.

Yanbu. He is his dad, and he is probably having a great time! Of course you must miss him a lot, but it's important for him to bond with his dad too.

Well, mine are on week 2 of 3 of holidays with their dad.

What can I say? If your son is safe then I suggest you start relaxing and do things for you. Single parenting is bloody hard work and you deserve a break.

Relax. You're being very very reasonable. If your son is in no danger, don't worry. If anybody including your mum says otherwise, they don't really know what they're talking about.