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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to send anniversary cards to siblings?

27 replies

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 03/08/2014 11:50

This only comes up once a year as all the weddings were in the same week (different years). I've never sent anniversary cards to anyone except my parents.

Dh and I have now been married four years and have just been given an anniversary card from Dhs brother and SIL. Their anniversary was last week (they've been married longer than I've known dh). We have never given them a card, dh didn't before he met me, but they keep giving us a card every year and I think the implication is that we are a bit shit not to reciprocate.

Tbh it never crosses my mind until they had us ours, an then I forget about it.

I have two married siblings and we've never exchanged cards.

Dh has just asked if perhaps normal people DO give anniversary cards and we are a big fat F for fail.

I'm putting it to you lot for opinions. And if the consensus is that most people do in fact give cards every year then we will pull our fingers out and do it next year.

OP posts:
ruby1234 · 03/08/2014 11:55

No, we never send anniversary cards to siblings, and they don't send them to us.

tohotnot · 03/08/2014 11:58

I did on my ds 1st 10th and 20th but not the others. I am not married so obviously she doesn't!

Littleturkish · 03/08/2014 11:59

I bloody hate giving cards. I don't even give them to my parents. Waste of time.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/08/2014 12:01

I've never sent an anniversary card to anyone in my life, and I have two married siblings and married parents! Nobody in my family does.

Anniversaries are between the couple involved, as far as I'm concerned.

tryingtocatchthewind · 03/08/2014 12:02

I would only give one for first year then 25,40 etc. Sheer waste of money dreamt up by card companies desperate to sell cards all year round.

Igggi · 03/08/2014 12:03

I don't think most people do it, but in this case you know the couple in question would like it - or why would they send to you - so why not buy a card for a quid and send it? You could stick a reminder on your phone today.

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/08/2014 12:03

I didn't know this practice existed.

OwlinaTree · 03/08/2014 12:04

I usually send a card for 1st anniversary if I've been to the wedding, then special ones if I'm reminded. I don't keep track so people would have to remind me it's auntie Dot's 50th annni etc.

It sounds like it is important to this particular couple, somaybe stick the date in your diary and send them a card next year. Other than that I wouldn't bother!

OwlinaTree · 03/08/2014 12:05

X post with everybody!

Alconleigh · 03/08/2014 12:05

I also believe it's for the couple and no one else. Have never and will never send one to a couple. Family or otherwise.

Flexibilityisquay · 03/08/2014 12:08

I have never sent or expected anniversary cards. That said, DH and I don't get cards for each other, we just go out for dinner or similar.

WhatTheFork · 03/08/2014 12:24

We don't bother with anniversary cards. A message on FB is enough from sibs, nice but not necessary or expected in any way.

SpeedofSound0 · 03/08/2014 12:30

YANBU It is their anniversary not yours, so it is just a between a couple thing.

Just tell them that is what you believe. If it was a 30th anniversary or something and they were organising a family party then that would be different.

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 12:39

Except for their 25th and 50th which involved parties I haven't given my parents anniversary cards, and never anyone else. Why would I? :confused:

Why? For the love of tunnocks teacakes why?

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 12:40

I think I'd genuinely feel a bit 'oh fuck off' if someone sent me an anniversary card.

FrankSaysNo · 03/08/2014 12:43

Nope. I don't do any cards at all. If I can't phone up and wish happy whatever then they aren't close enough for me to bother at all.

User100 · 03/08/2014 12:47

I've been married 3 years, we received a 1st anniversary card from my mother which I thought was sweet but unnecessary. I've never sent any. That being said I agree with Igggi, if you think they'd like it its probably a mice thing to do so why not?

londonrach · 03/08/2014 12:51

Gave my first anniversary card a few weeks ago. 40 th to my parents as it was a big family thing. Mind you forgot to give it to them as talking yo much. Hope they found it on the top.

GroupieGirl · 03/08/2014 12:52

Ha! It's our first anniversary today and I found it very strange to receive cards from four lots of in laws. The only anniversary card I've ever sent was to my parents on their 20th.

tobysmum77 · 03/08/2014 12:54

yanbu. We only get one from PIL MIL every year Smile no one else!

HenriettaTurkey · 03/08/2014 12:58

On our first wedding anniversary we had cards & gifts from dm&df, DSis, dgm&dgf and a few friends. It's our fourth anniversary soon & I imagine we will still receive cards from family; prob not friends. We don't send/receive gifts to each other, but will go for a rare meal out and my parents will babysit.

Fwiw, I dont 'expect' these cards, and agree it's a bit commercial but they are important to the older generations in my family. I didn't sent a 41st anniversary card to my grandparents this year as we were abroad. Apparently they noticed our card's absence amongst the others so we speedily bought & posted one on our return! I received a very thankful email from Grandma the next day.

Horses for courses I guess.

FryOneFatManic · 03/08/2014 12:58

I've always felt anniversary cards are between the couple and no one else.

Exceptions have only been my DP's and PIL's special anniversaries, I've never sent an anniversary card to anyone else.

And my mum, who is the world's biggest sender of birthday and Christmas cards, doesn't do anniversaries, except the big ones.

TheWoollybacksWife · 03/08/2014 13:16

We get a card every year from MIL, and occasionally from one or other of my siblings or ILs. I wouldn't be surprised if we got more this year but it is our Silver Wedding Anniversary next month and we are having a family get together to celebrate.

I'll send one to my eldest sister and her husband next year when they've been married for 40 years.

Dumbledoresgirl · 03/08/2014 13:22

Nope never. Not to siblings, friends, parents, people whose weddings I have attended, not even between me and my husband.

The only occasion I would buy an anniversary card is for 40th (maybe - usually, in my experience, this anniversary is made more of if the couple don't think they are going to live to see their 50th), 50th (definitely) and 25th (perhaps - my sister is coming up to 25 years in a few years' time and I might think to send her a card).

I don't think you are weird for not sending one to siblings. I think they are weird to send one to you every year.

Floralnomad · 03/08/2014 13:24

We don't give each other anniversary cards ! . The only one we ever sent was my Inlaws ( until he died) . My sisters have never sent us one until this year and then it was because it was our 25th .