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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take three maternity leaves from one job?

52 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 03/08/2014 10:02

I am still considering having a third baby. Jury is still out. However, if I did get pregnant again, that would be the third time with the same employer and I imagine my boss and colleagues would think I was taking the piss!

There are plenty of people with more than two kids out there- did they all change jobs or become a sahm before the third one... I can't help but think that although I am legally entitled, it would be unreasonable of me to take a third lot of maternity leave while still in this job?!

OP posts:
slightlyglitterstained · 03/08/2014 11:02

Mat leave and part-time are separate issues though, and if the company doesn't think there is a business case for part-time, they're entitled to refuse it.

slightlyglitterstained · 03/08/2014 11:02

Also

rockybalboa · 03/08/2014 11:04

Why would you feel guilty? I've been in my job 15 years and am not long back from my 3rd maternity leave. Don't feel guilty at all, if women didn't take maternity leave there would be no babies!

Chunderella · 03/08/2014 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallywittyname · 03/08/2014 12:41

good lord, why are you even asking? this is your family!

Imagine you are on your death bed (morbid, I know, but stay with me) - who's sitting round it? Your kids, or your boss/colleagues/shareholders?

Also, having a baby is a pretty extreme way to take the piss. If you really wanted to take the piss you could just shit in the stationery cupboard Grin

burgatroyd · 03/08/2014 12:43

Please read Shattered. Don't be guilty.
www.theguardian.com/books/2011/apr/10/shattered-modern-motherhood-illusion-equality-rebecca-asher-review

Lottiedoubtie · 03/08/2014 12:52

Also, having a baby is a pretty extreme way to take the piss. If you really wanted to take the piss you could just shit in the stationery cupboard

This might just be my favourite ever comment from MN.

Excellent point!

User100 · 03/08/2014 13:01

Don't feel guilty. A year at home with your baby is so much more important than making your employers life easier. They don't pay your SMP so spend the salary they would have paid you on someone to cover so it's not more than an incovinience having to rehire and retrain (and maybe the person who covered last time is still available).

ICanSeeTheSun · 03/08/2014 13:02

Someone I work with was pregnant when she returned to work full time Then had another year on maternity leave. Come back at part time hours.

I don't think anyone judged her.

vezzie · 03/08/2014 13:20

Of course YANBU.
In fact, if you are thinking in terms of loyalty (though why should you) you are giving them the benefit of your long term experience by staying there throughout your baby-having years and beyond, rather than taking maternity leave once or twice and then buggering off to take up a better offer once your dcs are at the childminder.

"One is now on ten hours a week. We never see her as it's 'not worth coming in to the office' so she always works at home. And she still expects (and gets) the company car."

This is a different issue. This is about how part time work can affect a team, or rather, part time work with special preferential conditions (working from home, snaffling the car)

slithytove · 03/08/2014 13:23

I did.
Didn't go back between kids either. Just took holiday and sick pay.

However. I despise my employer and owe them nothing, which possibly made it easier for me. I have no intention of going back after this baby and will be trying to screw them out of as much as possible before hand.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/08/2014 13:39

A woman I work with fell pg four weeks after giving birth to her first. She has just returned to work after her second turned six months and tbh all of us are in awe of how she is handling two tinies and a job, not judging her for taking the (deserved) time!

paxtecum · 03/08/2014 14:21

My nephew attends a school that is now officially failing and is in 'Special Measures'. It could be to do with over 60% of the teachers being on Maternity Leave. Three years ago it was outstanding.

But seriously, no, do not feel guilty about it.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 03/08/2014 14:29

Nice post, pax.

YANBU, OP.

Lottiedoubtie · 03/08/2014 14:38

Hmm schools don't go into special measures because women take maternity leave.

MintyCoolMojito · 03/08/2014 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Metalgoddess · 03/08/2014 15:55

I have had 2 mat leaves already with same employer both 12months long. I am considering a 2rd dc and didn't even consider this!! Don't feel guilty, you have a right to the leave so take it.

Metalgoddess · 03/08/2014 15:55

3rd dc I meant!

thisvelvetglove · 03/08/2014 16:51

Interesting that most would not bother about this.

It's one of the things that would worry me most if we decided on a 3rd, telling my boss!

She did say when I got pg the second time "you're not having any more are you?"

Also I work with grumpy huffy old guys, who works mutter about 'the women'.

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 03/08/2014 17:43

I worked in an office where a woman got pregnant with dc1, had dc2 just 10months after the first and the had dc3 12 months after the second. She had to return from ml for dc1 and dc2 early in order to get her enhanced pay for the subsequent. Bar peoples utter shock at how close the age gaps were (she said 1st had taken along time so she didnt want to wait and then have problems again with 2nd or 3rd) i dont think she was really thought any less of in the work place.

missymayhemsmum · 03/08/2014 19:58

Depends on the job! I was in a department where a colleague took a promotion managing a 5 year programme at a senior salary. Immediately announced 'surprise pregnancy' and took mat leave three times, with less than 6 months in between, a year each time, (which she only extended at the last minute) leaving the programme to be 'managed' by a succession of confused temps. Total chaos, massive disaster, and her name was mud.
If you do something where someone can cover (or you don't want a longterm career) then do it and don't feel guilty. If it's possible, and you do want a longterm professional future it'd be better to discuss with your manager, train up your maternity cover before you go and support them by phone while you are away, use keeping in touch days, and be clear from the outset as to your plans. If you do that then hopefully no-one will think you are taking the piss, and nor will they be reluctant to hire the next young woman.

shareacokethissummer · 03/08/2014 20:19

I am in senior management in a school and there is no doubt that maternity leave cover is an occupational hazard of schools, as there tend to be many women of child bearing age!

The key to making sure it all goes smoothly is careful planning and you would not believe the number of schools who DON'T plan.

We like it when women tell us as early as possible. It's their right but ideally between 12 and 20 weeks. Then we contact other schools locally who are advertising and ask if they have a second choice candidate after recruiting no1.

We always offer a years contract. This means that you get good quality staff and to be honest it doesn't cost that much extra money as 'surplus' help with general cover, and a number of other things.

You also need to invest in temporary staff as much as permanent: who knows, they might end up being made permanent.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/08/2014 20:23

*Also, having a baby is a pretty extreme way to take the piss. If you really wanted to take the piss you could just shit in the stationery cupboard

This might just be my favourite ever comment from MN.

Excellent point!*

Agree with you here Lottie. That was hilarious!

Darquesse · 03/08/2014 20:33

I have taken three lots of mat leave in my 10 years at my job. There are often 'jokey' comments from my colleagues about me being off more than in but I just laugh it off and don't let it bother me. I do work for a huge company though.

The maternity pay is recoverable from the government at a rate of 103% so I don't feel bad at all.

cruikshank · 03/08/2014 20:38

Don't feel guilty at all. You're raising the next generation, not sat around playing on an xbox in your pants. The alternative to have no mothers working at all, and thus by extension no women, at least not in secure jobs with guaranteed salaries and t&cs, and I'm sure we wouldn't want to go back to those days.