To think I should have compassionate leave....

[sayerville]

My mum has alzheimers, she went missing and I had to leave quick as the police had been called, I asked if I should put in leave and my manager said no just make the time up.....I feel aggrieved as they know the stress I am going through and I know for a fact another employee had 3 weeks off to care for a sick parent, with pay. I'm too polite to ask any different, I'm just annoyed esp as I haven't had one days sick in 9 years!

Was the leave unpaid that your co worker got?

Your manager may have thought you preferred to make up the time than take emergency unpaid dependents' leave.

Was it paid leave or unpaid leave you wanted?

It's all the same in the end; you either take it out of your paid leave, don't get paid or make the hours up. Less paperwork to just make the hours up.

That really is shitty...

Does the co. not have an official policy in place?

You might even be granted compassionate leave but you haven't specifically requested it as far as I can see.

It has to be a death within the immediate family to get compassionate leave where I work. And then I think it might be 3 days.
I guess we can't really know what went on with your colleague.

You can be granted compassionate paid leave at your managers discretion, just feel annoyed I'm not worthy

I didn't request as I hoped I wouldn't have to, having proved myself over the last 13 years!

If you didn't request it how are they to know you wanted it!?

Why should you get compassionate leave without requesting it? I'm not saying you shouldn't be offered it but I think you're being unreasonable in expecting not to have to apply for it.

The problem here is that you are 'too polite to ask any different'.

If you wimp out of having a sensible conversation with your manager it will be harder to get what you want.

It sounds like you asked in a bit of a hurry and the manager just answered 'on the spot'. If you politely go back and explain that you aren't able to make the time up then hopefully the manager will understand.

And if not, THEN YANBU!

I'm so sorry you are going through all this with your mum OP. But as others have said, you need to be more assertive. You are responsible for ensuring your needs are met, so speak up. It will be good practice as I'm sure you are aware you will have some tough times ahead and will need to be able to look out for yourself as well as tending to your mum.

Of course you should have had compassionate leave - your manager should have said "don't worry about it" when you offered to put in the leave request. I'm a firm believer in goodwill working both ways - and providing you are a good employee in every other way (your sick record certainly indicates that) then managers should recognise that and support their staff in time of need.

Sorry op for what you're going though. I think rather just sit down with your manager and explain the situation, you might be able to come to a solution which everyone is happy with. Maybe the other colleague did this?

Agree with the others. I am a manager. When people say "leave" to me I would probably assume they mean annual leave and so would say "oh no - don't do that - just make the time up" thinking I was being nice in not making them waste a holiday!

If they said "can I apply for compassionate leave - I fit the criteria because blah blah blah" I would say "fine".

I think you need to ask for it straight out.

Sounds like it just didn't occur to your manager on the spot, but she may have also been wondering if with hindsight, she should have offered you compassionate leave.

I think PecanNut's suggestion is a good one and I expect your manager is thinking like Mumof.