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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting DS (9) go naked at home?

31 replies

SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 20:23

So as not to drip-feed: we have started the assessment process for ASD, which I think he may have, and one of the factors is that he is 'socially immature.'

When it's hot, he likes to take his clothes off. I think that when he's in his own home, with no visitors, there's no reason why he shouldn't. I certainly don't want him to think that there's anything shameful about his body - I have explained to him that quite a few social taboos are a bit silly when you look at them logicaly, but the point of following them is to not make other people feel uncomfortable. Therefore you can be naked at home/in private, but not while running round the park.

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 02/08/2014 20:25

Do you have other children?

ikeaismylocal · 02/08/2014 20:27

Yanbu my dp is nearly 40 but when it's hot he is naked or just in boxers at home. Ds is only a toddler but he now asks for his clothes to be taken off as soon as he walks in the door.

Liara · 02/08/2014 20:27

I don't see a problem with this. Both my dc love being naked in the heat. Eldest is 7, but I wouldn't be worried if he was doing it still in a couple of years' time.

AWombWithoutARoof · 02/08/2014 20:29

There's a 'pants on' rule in our house but that's because I don't want a naked bum crack on the sofa, rather than for modesty reasons.

coppertop · 02/08/2014 20:31

If you can't be naked in the privacy of your own home, then where can you be?

One of mine (ASD) spends most of his time wearing only pants when he's at home, and he's older than your ds.

CompletelyStumped · 02/08/2014 20:31

Tbh I don't think this is a question of unreasonableness, it's what you and your family are comfortable with.

Personally I don't allow my children to run about naked but that's not because I think it's wrong, but there is a difficult reason behind it.

Just allow your children to do what the whole family is comfortable with. If there are members of your family in your home that are uncomfortable with it though maybe give it a bit more thought?

WeAllHaveWings · 02/08/2014 20:31

Ds(10) runs about naked at times, I usually ask him to put boxers on for hygiene reasons (and to get him into the habit before I have an 18 year old wandering about naked)

guineapig1 · 02/08/2014 20:31

Yanbu in the slightest. If he is at home with no visitors then absolutely no problem at all. Might be an idea to keep a pair of shorts and maybe a t-shirt handy so they can be thrown on quickly if someone should arrive unexpectedly at the door!

WaffleWiffle · 02/08/2014 20:34

I'm not sure why having any other children makes any difference Rebecca?

For what it's worth OP, my son is 9 and has no special needs. He often walks around the house naked - mostly evenings when getting ready for bed and he's decided he is sleeping naked.

It is absolutely no issue whatsoever in our house. I'm also often wandering around naked in the morning/evening when getting ready. As are other children. DH less so, but it has never ever been an issue for me.

I can understand in the OPs case needing to set out rules and boundaries though. No need to in our house because everyone gets the social boundaries in place. But with suspected SN, you need to be clear on what is acceptable and what isn't.

SixImpossible · 02/08/2014 20:36

YANBU

In the privacy of our own home we are all casual nudists. At around 8 my dc started covering up if anyone else was around. I think what triggered it was a paddling pool birthday party in the garden, and my explaining that swimsuits would be worn. We are a fairly Aspergers-y family, and some things that are obvious to others need to be discussed and explained in detail. Ds1 sleeps nude, and didn't see why he had to do anything differently on Cub Camp!

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2014 20:36

Fine but same a pants only rule for hygiene reasons.

EthicalPickle · 02/08/2014 20:37

I would discourage it as much as possible. There's nothing wrong with a bit of nudity here and there but as a general rule I like pants/boxers to be worn.

If he is sensitive to touch allowing him to be free of clothes for long periods of time might make wearing clothes seem even more uncomfortable. Perhaps you could let him be naked in his bedroom.

Are his boxers or shorts really comfortable? Would he be more comfy in a long shirt?

EthicalPickle · 02/08/2014 20:37

I would discourage it as much as possible. There's nothing wrong with a bit of nudity here and there but as a general rule I like pants/boxers to be worn.

If he is sensitive to touch allowing him to be free of clothes for long periods of time might make wearing clothes seem even more uncomfortable. Perhaps you could let him be naked in his bedroom.

Are his boxers or shorts really comfortable? Would he be more comfy in a long shirt?

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2014 20:37

Or if there are visitors

CMOTDibbler · 02/08/2014 20:37

DS(8) is usually naked at home - he runs very hot, and likes to wear the minimum anyway. He knows that when we have guests (rare tbh) or are elsewhere, shorts are the minimum required clothing

Rebecca2014 · 02/08/2014 20:40

It would have made me feel uncomfortable to see my 9 year old brother naked. I remember my younger brother had a hole in his pyjama bottoms and when we used to play fight, his penis used to fall out. I remember the disgust I felt then and even now I shudder thinking about it.

The op still has not replied to my question but if there are siblings then no way would I allow my child at that age to walk around naked.

greenbananas · 02/08/2014 20:50

We have a rule in our house that "we always wear pants when have friends round". The rest of the time, my boys can be naked if they want - although I have recently insisting that Ds1 wears pants in the garden (he is six, terraced house and very overlooked so I don't want the neighbors feeling offended).

CoffeeTea103 · 02/08/2014 20:55

I would discourage it as well. Why confuse the child unnecessarily if you have already said he struggles with social maturity. For hygiene reasons as well as considerate to other kids in the house I wouldn't think this is ok.

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 21:06

The household consists of me and DS, so there's no need to worry about anyone else. His father comes round quite a lot but he is not terribly bothered either - though anyone else visting (friends, grandparents, workmen, whatever) does mean: clothes on.

I do appreciate that if there were siblings/lodgers/other family members who were upset by casual nudity at home then obviously things would be different. As it is, I don't much like the idea of giving him the message that nudity is wholly unacceptable, even when he's in his own home.

I don't think it's going to confuse him to explain the difference between public and private ie at home with no visitors is 'private' and everywhere else is 'public'.

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/08/2014 21:09

Lots of people call around our house at both the front and the back, the postman, children knock to get mine to play, neighbours popping in, family come without ringing occasionally. For all these reasons, I like mine (dds 8 and 10) to have some minimal clothing on (pants and top) so we don't have to shout 'quick, get some clothes on' and run around like blue-arsed flies trying to cover up just to get a parcel delivered or if a child comes to ask if they can come out.

I think it depends on the house, if you are in a different situation and people hardly ever call it might be fine (though I prefer pants anyway, given I can see that they don't always perfectly wipe).

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/08/2014 21:12

It also depends if he's willing to cover up quickly if people do come. I find if mine are tired or just not in the mood to jump to it, it might take longer than a few seconds to persuade them into clothes. I don't know if this is the case for your son- I would have to get into battles, especially with a pre-teen/older child (my 10 year old girl is quite stroppy at times) over dressing.

itsmecathy · 02/08/2014 21:14

YANBU my DD (7) strips off as soon as she gets home from school! We have a 'knickers on' rule for hygiene and she'll reluctantly pop a dress on for visitors but i'm not bothered- less washing and ironing!

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 21:21

We don't get many unexpected callers, so that's not really an issue. And I've been quite used to letting him strip off when he was smaller (anyone offended by a 4 year old being naked at home is someone whose hangups are their own problem, not ours). I think I will let him do what suits him for the moment and maybe when he turns 10 instigate a pants-on minimum rule if he doesn't decide of his own accord that he wants to cover up more.

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 02/08/2014 21:25

If it is just you and your son then I really see no problem.

DogCalledRudis · 02/08/2014 21:29

Yanbu.
That's perfectly fine.