To not know what to do with this statement from MIL

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Since I had DD (18 months) my relationship with my MIL has become rather more difficult. Various factors involved but some of the fault certainly lies with me as I have not been doing at all well at smiling and nodding when offered advice (especially when said advice was total nonsense e.g. To wean DD onto carrots mashed with salt and butter)and have got quite irritated at times and been a bit short. This has led to a couple of arguments recently. Both times when this has happened in the last 2 months she has stated that if there was a problem in the family she would side with me over my DH and SIL. In fact on one occasion she refered to disowning them if she needed to and keeping me instead.
While this may well be heat of the moment stuff I feel quite weird and uncomfortable that she would even think to say this. I also think it really isn't very nice & obviously have not & will not be mentioning it to anyone in the family. AIBU to think like this about what she has said?

Does she have form for playing people off against each other? On the other hand, she might be aware that your relationship is becoming strained - as you yourself are - and, in an extremely hamfistedly way - is trying to repair the damage?

She has been known to go for some emotional manipulation. She also has a tendency to say different things to different people about the same issue (she seems to think me &DH never speak!).
Maybe it would be better for me to stick to your second & more charitable explanation as I do want us to try & improve things.

I think the only thing to do it to continue and get better at smiling and nodding. Or lightly say "You do what you think is right" then change the subject.

Does sound very odd, but equally sounds like she is trying to keep you on side as things have been fraught and she wants to keep seeing grandchild(ren).

I know it is slightly different but I often say to one of my sister in laws that if she has any trouble with my brother to let me know as I lived with him for 22 years and know what he can be like! People often assume that family side with family but it should always depend on the situation itself and maybe it's good to know that she would be supportive. Sounds to me like she is trying to show there are no hard feelings after the arguments.

Nod and agree and then do wtf you want, I know that's not especially helpful but if you can it does help.

,(especially when said advice was total nonsense e.g. To wean DD onto carrots mashed with salt and butter)

Is that Total nonsense? Apart from salt....cant see major floor with that! Have seen mils on here accused of rubbing chocolate on their lips and feeding them roasts at three months!

This is a very interesting MIL one.....

In fact on one occasion she refered to disowning them if she needed to and keeping me instead.

I would simply say :" what a strange thing to say, do feel disappointed in them in some way, or have you suffered family fall outs?"

Ask her.

Maybe she had an awful MIL who was dreadful to her and she in her own way is trying to place you on equal footing with her own children but its coming out badly...trying to say - I like you for YOU?

When I read first line of your op, i was prepared to go on...." havent we all witnessed odd behaviour once baby comes..." BUt honeslty... she sounds more open than others...

It is an unusual thing to say, but I read it as her telling you she'll support you no matter what, she maybe should have said it like that rather than involving your DH/SIL because that is weird, like she's saying you (or more to the point your DD?) come above her own children in the loyalty stakes.

Could she have said it in a lighthearted way using an OTT exaggerated example that she'd even disown her own children rather than upset you/see you upset?

It's a pity your relationship has gone downhill since you've had your DD, how long did you know her before that? How did you get along? Did you see her as much as you do now?

I think this is a ham-fisted attempt on her part to say that even if you argue, she doesn't want that to lead to a permanent bad feeling between you. Take it as positively as you can and just laugh and say 'Ahh, it'll never come to that' when she says it. I think because of the tension between you, you are reading too much into this. Brush it off.

Why are mashed carrots so bad? My kids started with mashed banana, I don't see mashed carrots as being so different and you won't need much salt and butter to make them a bit more tasty.
She sounds odd, I'd just ignore the weird comments.

My MIL said similar OP about siding with me. I see it as her attempt to show me she loves me. We had a rocky time when DD1 was new and MIL kept giving her sugared cereal....ten years later, DD none the worse and completely loves her Granny, I see my stress was misplaced.

Women of their generation DID give babies butter and salt. We know better but you have to be kind...just brush it off. Avoid talking about food, nappies, sleep...the practical things of Mothering...stick to the fun stuff.

rebcca it's obviously not the carrots the OP is worried about but the salt and butter. Both unnecessary for a baby.

She doesn't sound too bad. Was the statement not lighthearted/exaggerated?

Btw what's wrong with butter for babies?

She sounds a little bit mad but unsalted butter is good for babies-full of vitamins. Yum.
She's saying she'd side with you over her son? That's a bit weird. Am I reading that right?

I don't think butter is needed for babies who are just weaning. It's not "good for them". They get all the good fat they need from milk and from things like sweet potatoes and any oils you cook with.

It was obviously the salt part (which she was very insistent on!) not the carrots I took issue with.
We have seen an awful lot more of her since I had DD. She doesn't have a job or any hobbies & phones frequently pointing out she is just at home doing nothing & will come any time. She is always wanting to have DD for weekends which I haven't felt comfortable to do yet. She has also been doing a couple of days child care a week for us. This means she has to stay in our house as she lives too far away. This was meant to be for 2-3 months while childminder on mat leave but has turned into 6.
Sorry I have realised that is a wh

I have realised that is a whole load of info I didn't put in the OP but am just trying to explain (in a long winded way) that the relationship has got a lot more intense. We used to see her every 1-2 months.
Also commenting about favouring me over DH/disowning him was definitely not light hearted! She doesn't really do jokes.

Sorry to derail but why is oil better than butter? They don't need carrots either, they can get all their vitamins from other vegetables

Is she going soon when you get a new childminder? If she's been helping out with free childcare then your options are limited. If you find her being around as much annoying then have her round less often by sorting out childcare elsewhere.
Alot of family childcare comes with too many negative consequences to be worth it unless you can't afford alternatives.
If she looks after your child a couple of days a week it's not surprising she feels she has some say in what she eats on those day. My kids often got fed rubbish by my childminders (I once turned up and her kids were having ice lollies for breakfast!) but they were happy with their various childminders and the kids of the childminders were happy and not obese so I decided a small amount of junk food wouldn't harm them. Different if they're there all week.

Op youve had some good suggestions. Speak to her if it comes up again or it will niggle at you. No to the salt but i think she was probably trying to help.

Butter 'is not good', utter tosh. Much better than any olis, not such a processed product either. Mine eat tons of the stuff and are not damaged or 'fat' in any way. Op butter is just nice with veg sometimes!

Op youve had some good suggestions. Speak to her if it comes up again or it will niggle at you. No to the salt but i think she was probably trying to help.

Butter 'is not good', utter tosh. Much better than any olis, not such a processed product either. Mine eat tons of the stuff and are not damaged or 'fat' in any way. Op butter is just nice with veg sometimes!

Poor woman tried to say something kind if a bit ham fisted and all you can do is be sniffy. Poor woman is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

So she give you lots of free childcare, offers to give you entire weekends, travels and stays over in order to help with your child, tries to make sure you know she sees you as proper family.......and your main problem is that she once said to give the baby salt?

Poor bloody woman.

She sounds like she is trying really hard. Perhaps she really feels she is having problems connecting with you so her weird outburst about choosing you is her way if saying she supports you and wants to be there for you.

Having chatted to my own mil she said its a minefield for her. With my first, her first grandchild there was a couple of falling outs as she was very over enthusiastic, wanted ds1 every weekend even though I was working ft during the week. I regret being so snippy as she backed off too much and although loves all our children she isn't involved as she would have been if I had let her in more

Well I guess if I didn't want some heavy criticism I shouldn't have posted in AIBU. However as I stated I my OP I know I have not been perfect & am trying to improve things. I didn't mention some of the things MIL has said/done which I have found difficult/upsetting. Like the week before I started work telling me it was always better for the mother to stay home full time, or saying she would look after DD while I was in work but then going away instead. I therefore don't feel this is really a one sided thing where all the issues are my fault.