Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think it is unacceptable to give someone a pet as a surprise?

66 replies

CruCru · 02/08/2014 17:05

I keep hearing about people who have pets because someone have them as a surprise. I would go loopy if someone gave me a pet without checking it was okay. I love cats and dogs but don't want one of my own (allergic, doesn't fit in with our lifestyle, think I plain have enough to do). AIBU?

OP posts:

inlectorecumbit · 02/08/2014 17:54

DCs bought me a puppy for my birthday that l knew nothing about. They had checked with DH first and they knew l had wanted one but DH had always said he didnt want one in the house. Best present ever

DogCalledRudis · 02/08/2014 18:01

YANBU

Unless a recipient really wanted one...

greenbananas · 02/08/2014 18:13

If I was going to let five year old ds1 have a dog, I would rather choose it myself and surprise him than bring him to the rescue place with me. That way I could make sure that I got one which was small to medium sized, short haired, fairly docile and intelligent, not from a breed that can take a child's face off with a single snap etc. I would hate for him to be disappointed because he had taken a shine to a cute pit bull puppy, or a huge slobbering Great Dane. I suppose if we knew someone with an appropriate litter of puppies he could choose his own.

Still think that pet surprises outside of immediate family are a bad idea.

inlectorecumbit · 02/08/2014 18:21

this was my surprise

To think it is unacceptable to give someone a pet as a surprise?

Thumbwitch · 02/08/2014 18:27

I agree in general but not so much when it's two parents in agreement giving it to their child who has been begging for one for ages.
But I've never actually done it as a birthday or Christmas present - we've gone out together and acquired the pet. So far Ds1 has a guineapig (which is as much mine as his) and 2 stick insects. Anything that requires more input than those needs my agreement before it comes into the house as I'll be the mug looking after it - so no dog, no tropical fish, no small mammals with bitey teeth (the guineapig doesn't, so far, bite) etc. etc.

Anyone gives me a pet "as a surprise" will get an extremely ungrateful response and the surprise of being given it back again.

greenbananas · 02/08/2014 18:28

Inlecto, what a cute surprise - just the sort I would like to give my ds (not that I am going to, for all sorts of reasons)

Boaty · 02/08/2014 18:37

I was furious when this happened to us!!
DH is disabled and unable to get out and about. His best mate and his DW decided he would like birds to talk to and brought some to ours, in a cage...they knew what my reaction would be and so waited until they knew I would be at work!! They then did the same again bringing another couple.
I have insisted they build an outside aviary at their expense or I will find new homes!
I really like the couple but honestly I could have throttled them. We already have pets and if we go away I have to get neighbours to feed them. The friends live too far away to do it themselves!!

WhatTheFork · 02/08/2014 18:37

My friend was recovering from major surgery when her DH and parents surprised her with a puppy. It turned out to be the best thing, she's been in remission ever since. Her family did help with the puppy care though.

Egghead68 · 02/08/2014 19:28

I think it's OK to surprise children when their parents are already in full agreement as the parents will take responsibility for it. It's not OK to surprise adults unless they have already made it very clear they want one (in which case it's not really that much of a surprise).

GiantGraspingCeramicFist · 02/08/2014 19:37

My NDN friend came home to find that her MIL had surprised NDN's prepubescent DD with a labradoodle puppy for a birthday present.

Friend moved out for two days I'm surprised she came back tbh! Our houses are tiny terraces, friend and her husband both work full time and daughter is obviously at school, so they've had to shell out for dogsitting services on top of all the other puppy-related work and cost.

You would never guess now how he came into their lives; my friend adores him, and her DD was and is obviously smitten from day one. But they all agree that it wasn't the ideal start.

If that had happened to me, the dog would have gone back to the breeder or to a better home. I have absolutely no desire to have a dog in our lives, I am not patient or giving enough for that, and the house is too small.

FryOneFatManic · 02/08/2014 19:44

I don't want any pets, especially because I know that I will end up being the one who cares for them.

So a surprise pet will find itself being rehomed faster than you can blink.

Shetland · 02/08/2014 19:58

I think buying a pet as a surprise for your own children is fine as you are making the decision to bring a new pet in to you house/life - along with the responsibility that goes with it.
Equally. I'd be ok with a surprise puppy from DP if he KNEW I wanted one - same logic.

But to give one to another household without permission really isn't on. This has happened to me and I was soo pissed off I can't tell you. And we have other pets already so it wasn't really adding responsibility/ties - I just didn't feel it was their decision to make.

EnormoSnob presumably you chose your pony?
Chuffed as I'd be with a horse as a present, I'd definitely want to pick it myself - it's no fun when it's not a good match.

SqueakySqueak · 02/08/2014 20:05

Pets are cute surprises for children who aren't responsible for them. But for an adult, there needs to be a conversation before hand.

I got my first dog as a birthday present when I was 7. My dad surprised me with it. Said we were just picking up a puppy for a friend to take to their house. He got there, picked up the puppy he had picked out, and then when we got in the car he said Happy Birthday. :)

My husband got me a small pet for my birthday when we were first together because I told him it was lonely by myself in my apartment and I wanted a pet. So he told me if I found a pet I wanted he would get it, and the starter supplies, for me for my birthday.

But out of the blue? No way. I'd be pissed if someone dropped a puppy off on my door step right now. If I'm going to be responsible for a life, I want prior knowledge so I can research and see if I'm a suitable home.

TorchesTorches · 02/08/2014 20:07

I live in fear that my MIL will do this. She already had been making noises that kids should have pets, etc. she is just the type to turn up on a birthday with a gineau pig in a cage and giggle naughtily to any negativity from me. I am literally waiting for it to happen, and don't know what to do if she does.

TeenagersDriveMeMad · 02/08/2014 20:20

FIL got OH a puppy for Christmas not long after we'd started going out (8 months). OH and I had discussed a dog or cat and decided not to as they were much too restrictive and we wanted to travel, which would be impossible with pets. I hit the roof and we nearly split up over it.

2 years and no travelling down the line and the surprise puppy is curled up next to me, the accidental horse is in a field down the road, and there's kitten coming on Wednesday! The kitten is only because it's been living in a friends back garden with its mum and she's not in a position to keep both.

It's worked out in our case but I'd never ever buy someone a pet without permission and would actually prefer to give them the money to go and buy/rescue one that they know would suit their circumstances.

TrendStopper · 02/08/2014 20:20

My then h did this to me. It wasnt as a birthday/christmas present.

I came home from a holiday to find 2 cats in the house. They were sent straight back. We had a couple of months old baby and lived in an upstairs flat. Regardless of the fact that i hate pets and my exh knew this. It is so wrong to spring this kind of thing on people.

TidyDancer · 02/08/2014 20:24

I entirely object to pets being given as presents, even when all members of the household agree to having one. Pets shouldn't be treated as a commodity; if they are given, they can be given away. It's not right and I don't like it.

My DM's dog was a Christmas present. To her first owners, from their DD. He is the loveliest little thing in the world but they were so ill equipped to deal with him so he ended up being given to a dog rescue, which is how my mum got him. He's very loved and wanted but he shouldn't have gone through all that, getting attached to one family then being abandoned by them.

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 02/08/2014 20:24

Like some others have said, it depends on the circumstances. We have always had a particular breed of dog. 2 or 3 at a time. We lost our last 2 in quick sucession recently. DH is desperate for a new one but I,m not ready yet. When I am I think I will surprise him.

DizzyKipper · 02/08/2014 20:51

In general I'd agree. If you're going to surprise some one with a pet you have to be 100% certain that they would want it, have the time and money for it, will be capable of looking after it, and would be happy to take on that responsibility. Most of the time it's just better not to.

DizzyKipper · 02/08/2014 20:57

Oh God, this thread has reminded me of MIL declaring that DD has to have a pony (when she's 4/5) as it's "family tradition". It hadn't occurred to me before that she may decide to 'surprise' us with it, I can almost see it happening now.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2014 21:00

If you know the receiver would be able to want, look after and love and adore the pet then yes, not on a whim. It would have to someone really close who knows the receiver very well. if not, its a very bad idea.

needaholidaynow · 02/08/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatchingSeaMonkeys · 02/08/2014 22:06

It depends. If it's a surprise for everyone then YANBU.

However, if the kid has been after one for a while and the parents know it's coming & have prepared in secret then YABU.

TrendStopper · 02/08/2014 22:44

Dizzy how old is your dd, do you have time to flee the country before your mil springs her surprise on you

Lally112 · 03/08/2014 01:43

Ladies please..... Today is my birthday and if I wake up in the morning to a little (or big) surprise, be it hairy, furry, scaly or feathery I wont care (unless its a rat, then I'm going for my gun), I will love it to pieces. If I wake up and find one more 'molton brown' gift box or 'soap and glory' birthday girl party essentials I swear you will all hear me scream from wherever in the world you are!!! However, I would settle for a pair of ariat Grasmere at a push.

Flip

1 2 3