Nearly 4 years and nowhere..

[Giggling]

I've been with my bf for nearly 4 years and really love him. However he is refusing to move in with me.
For the last year or so we have talked about it, he is now starting up self employed and feels I am being unreasonable because I'm pushing to live together and he wants to give 100% to his new business.
I've talked it through with him, over and over until I have exhausted myself. I can't move in with him (he has lovely parents but I can't be away from the family business). I've given him an ultimatum that he either moves up or that's the end of us. He can't see the big rush but I'm not even talking marriage- just living under the same roof! I asked him where he wants to be in a year and he said looking for a house. I said married or planning it and he was utterly shocked.. He didn't see the need to do thing "that fast, a year is not long at all".
He's 30 this year, I'm 26, it's not like we are teenagers. I feel guilty for pushing him for an answer (been a month now) and just wondered what others views are?

As I'm writing this I know what id tell myself (tell him to sling his hook)..

Aww, sorry to hear what's happened Giggling

Is part of you hoping it'll knock him into realising that he does actually want the commitment because he loves you so much?

How would you feel about that?

Out of the two (him doing it grudgingly against him doing it off his own back because you've split) it's the slightly better option, but you'd still be left wondering whether it is what he wants regardless of what he said/did.

Giggling -- his family think you're rushing him after four years???

And if your bf commits off his own back when he misses you, that's not a bad thing at ALL. Many of us don't know a good thing till we lose it. If he misses you and realises he was wrong, and begs to come back/move in, I don't think that's a terrible thing. At least you had the courage to leave.

Actually, your having the courage to leave is the BEST part of this situation. You have been brave and stood up for what was important to you. I admire that.

Can you send a friend/relative to collect your stuff?

Ha [dry laugh] yes. His mum thought I was rushing him to make a decision...

I will go over in a week or so. They are all nice people, just not very vocal or expressive with their feelings.

I don't think I have done the wrong thing. If he loves me as much as he says then he would have made a different decision eh? Still sucks but see how we go. Thanks for all the kind words :) xx

Giggling...I was in exactly the same position and split with him then went to South America for a year...month after I came back, I got pregnant with DS1....married the year after and now married for 24 years with 3 DCs. He obviously missed me! I wish you all the best...what will be will be...and I firmly believe that.

Hugs. You so brave. Just enjoy being single. What will be will be...

Hmm. Doubt il 'enjoy' being single in that I have no close friends in the area, we moved into the area and I met him at the same time so will have to make an effort to now be social!

marylou that's a fab story! Part of me hopes he will do that (I can't go anywhere really because of the family business, I'd be on a plane to Oz if I could!) but another part of me thinks if it's such a drama and a 'big step' to just move in then what will his reaction be if, god forbid, we have some actual shit thrown at us in the future and have to make hard decisions then?

Isn't it funny how things change..

Stay strong, it's a difficult time for you, but it does sound as though you've made the right decision