To be annoyed that DH always finds ways to get out of doing bathtime and bedtime with the DCs?

[DamnIWishIWasYourLover]

He always finds some way of getting out of it and it really irks me as I don't have the option to decide not to do bath and bedtimes.

It's a either a dog walk, something pressing that needs to be done for work, a 45 trip to the loo, or a 'favour' for a friend on the way home from work (DH is a tradesman and is always having to do favours for this friend's business but his friend never does anything in return or pays him).

Tonight it's the last reason. He sprung it on me at 5pm. The DCs have been really hard work today and I could have done with a hand with the whole bedtime thing.

And he's going out all day tomorrow and then all evening so is getting out of things tomorrow too. And no doubt on Sunday he'll be too tired from Saturday so will just sit watching tv and expect me to do it, or will have sat around the house all day and then decide the dogs need walking at bathtime.

I'd say take it in turns each night (or otherwise divide it however you both see as fair) and then completely leave him to it. If he decides to walk the dogs you leave the kids unbathed and bedded until he comes back and he has to deal with the repercussions if they're overtired etc. If he MUST go somewhere to do a favour etc make it clear his night will be the next one so no favours/walks can be arranged for then.

What would happen if you took the dogs out or just disappeared to the shops / for a walk etc? I know it's not ideal but it might give him a nudge to realise how he's taking you for granted.

You take the dogs out at bath time. Leave him to it, as soon as he comes in say you are off out with dogs or seeing a friend or doing a favour or going to the gym. See you later! Off you go...

Also, kids don't end baths every day. I do mine twice per week. Make life easier for yourself!

I agree it's a good idea to take it in turns. We each take responsibility for a child and then swap the next night, so I do dd1 and he does dd2 then the next night we swap. If he can't do it one night he does both girls the night before he can't do it. (He offers) You need to make it his responsibility as at the moment he is treating it like your responsibility that he sometimes helps you with.

Definitely take turns and bugger off swiftly to do something on his nights. If your kids are anything like my 2.5 year old DS they may well NEED a bath every night. Believe me, a quick wash wouldn't cut it.

They definitely need a bath each night, especially in this weather. Both get very hot and sweaty.

I've suggested taking turns to DH before but he just ignored me. I think he just would ignore it and carry on regardless.

Might have to give going out myself a go, although I think I'd probably get home and find the kids unbathed and still up, with DH sitting in front of the tv

You probably would (find him in front of the TV).

Have you tried saying to him, "Do I look like a 1950s housewife?"

Btw, you don't need a hand, or support. You need him to take his role as parent seriously.

I agree that taking it in turns is the best way - that way you both do your share, but you can be a bit flexible if something comes up for either of you. Remind him that he's a parent too .

Sometimes the father does all the bathtimes and that's the best way for those families.

YANBU, but he is BVU if he ignores you.

Yes, he's being an ass. Putting the kids to bed is the best part of my day, I always want to be home to do that. Ass ass ass.

He's not a bloody babysitter. Tomorrow night at bedtime, tell him you need to do a friend a favour and then just leave them to it. You are not the default parent, you are both equal patents. No excuses.

How much domestic work does he do in general? More to the point, how much time does he spend, regularly, doing domestic work? The quickest way to work out whether or not your household chores and childcare are being divided fairly is to see how much leisure time each of you has. If you are running around cleaning and tidying and bathing DCs etc all evening every evening while he either goes to the pub or sits on his arse, then the distribution is not fair.

Also a man who ignores you asking him to pull his weight is a man who thinks you are less important than him.