7 yrs old is plenty old enough to understand isn't it

[popperdoodles]

Just had the mother of all tantrum from d's age 7. I sent him out of the room and he kicked door, threw shoes, pinched me, spat at me. I did my best to ignore but had to intervene to stop him actually breaking something. He then tried to deliberately shut his fingers in the door, when that didn't get the reaction he wanted he pretended to fall down the stairs. screaming and crying the whole time. am I expecting too much of him to have grown out of this by now. He should surely know this is not going to get him anywhere! Dh tries to back me up but often says I'm too harsh on him. 7 yrs old is surely old enough to know you don't behave in that way and he is far too big to be kicking things and throwing things in temper. I will not have my home trashed! I wouldn't let him back into the family room until he calmed and apologised. That's reasonable yes?

looking back it seems really pathetic that an hr tantrum started over something so seemingly silly but like I said it is not just today. I refuse to walk on eggshells around him scared incase he kicks off, maybe I am going the other way and need to let things go. either way his tantrums are stressful and have to stop...

I have a still tantrum prone DC.

I think the first bit of the holidays is actually a bad time for it, as expectations of a lovel time come up against spending a lot of time together and actuall it being quite used to it. Frustrations build in quite different ways.

I think the "ignore until calm" is important. Also an unrelenting message of "It's OK to feel bad. It's not OK to tantrum. There are better ways of dealing with bad feelings. What might have worked better today?". This gives both a chance to blow off about whatever was bothering them, whilst thinking about what would really help when things go wrong.

Working out ways to recognise for themselves when tantrums are on the way, and how to make a determined effort to divert it, is really important. And any progress in that needs to be praised (it really takes a lot of effort for my DC, and it helps when effort is noticed).

It is really frustrating for me as I had expected the tantrums (and whining) to be long behind us.

Agree with Stella. My normally well behaved DS was murder for the first 2 weeks of the summer holidays at 7 and 8.

JJJ kind of you to say that, especially as I've just glanced back at my post and realised that bit is almost unintelligible.

What I meant to say was: "I think the first bit of the holidays is actually a bad time for it, as expectations of a lovely time meet the reality of spending a lot of time together when you are all quite unused to it. Frustrations build in quite different ways."

(Also, as I'm a parent of a tantrummer, I'm not sure whether anything I have to say on this is worth much).

My DS is 7 and does this. When he does I do my best Super Nanny impression and get down to his level and say 'This behaviour is not acceptable'. I say acceptable properly, unlike SN

It seems to work!

My seven year old has tantrums that are on the same level as meltdowns. It's not new and he has issues that have seen him at camhs for 18 months.

But it's not something out of the blue. It's always been there.

Has he always been like this or is it just hot, tired end of term stuff.

I wouldn't be telling him his behaviour is silly if he is trying to hurt himself because that's undermining his feeling.

Generally I'd say at 7 this kind of thing has eased off. That said, even as an older child I would feel so incredibly angry with my mother sometimes due to something unfair happening or her really not listening or not being consistent about something or changing a rule that I would lose it - so it depends slightly but it doesn't sound like that at all.

So as long as you are not being ridiculous then I reckon you are doing a great job.

thank you for all the replies. we went out for a bit and he has come home in a better mood. Dh and I will discuss it later. thanks for the different views. He is fine at school thankfully which is encouraging but ofcourse home is different environment.