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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and sort out ex's washer until it's convnient for me?

32 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:02

It's broken down again. That washer was the bane of my life when it was "ours", when I left all of the furniture became his Hmm. Everything I asked for was met with footstamping and tantrums. In the end I decided it would be easier just to start again.

Because it was "ours" when I paid for it, the breakdown policy is in my name. They'll only allow me to phone to arrange repairs.

The company shuts at 8pm during the week and 6pm on a Saturday. I'm at my mums for dinner tonight, I only see her once a week and I'd arranged to take the kids swimming on Sat. I don't want to have to rush back to phone for repairs that aren't going to benefit me.

I offered him use of my washer last night while I was at work. He refused because was in the middle of a tantrum with me for something else.

It's going to be Monday or Tuesday before I'm free. He asked me on Wed to go round, so he's been without a washer for a week. It's normally a 10 day turn around on repairs.

I'm being a twat, aren't I?

OP posts:
kilmuir · 01/08/2014 15:04

Huh ? Its a phone call. Will take minutes surely. Am i missing something, why do you need to go round there

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:06

I have to be at his, you have to press buttons etc on the machine/go through checks with them to try and establish what is wrong, otherwise I'd ring from my mums.

OP posts:
SorryForTheTypos · 01/08/2014 15:07

I know there's a considerable backstory here so while I understand you mightn't WANT to sort it out for him, if you KNOW you are going to sort it out, just doit now - as kilmuir says, it's only a phonecall. Then you can forget about it.

Altinkum · 01/08/2014 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SorryForTheTypos · 01/08/2014 15:07

Ah ok, cross posts.

Has ex considered putting on a high pitched voice to phone them? Smile

kilmuir · 01/08/2014 15:10

Does he have a female friend who could ring up. I rang up for my inlaws when washing machine broke down, not overly bothered, just checked address, make of machine etc. i could have been anyone.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:15

I'm not sure whether he's just wanting me to ring or whether he wants me to try and fix it first.

He used to be very odd about having people in the house and would refuse to be there. I always had to deal with repairs. I got the repair man to show me how to clean and change the in-pump filter thingy and manually empty the machine so it'd open. Ex never bothered learning. The pump is what is wrong with it 99% of the time, after the repair man showed me how to do that, we never had to call them out.

He just asked me to "come round and sort it tomorrow night" but I was working, so told him I'd call round when I had time.

You do have to be in front of the washer while you're on the phone, even when you tell them you've already checked all the things on their checklist because you have to call them about once every 3 months, they still make you do it all over again while you are on the phone to them Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:18

He does Kilmuir, but he won't let people in his house because it's like something from How Clean is Your House so he wouldn't ask them. It's fine showing me his squalor, because the squalor is my fault, allegedly.

OP posts:
coppertop · 01/08/2014 15:25

It's his washer. He's the one who insisted on keeping it. Personally I would leave it to him to sort out for himself.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:46

Tbf, I didn't want the washer. I wanted the dryer. My offer was to take the dryer and fridge freezer and leave him the washer oven and small kitchen appliances. I ended up with the Foreman grill and a few pans Angry

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 01/08/2014 15:47

Just because the breakdown policy is in your name does not mean that you're shackled to the bloody machine. He can buy his own cover. The very last things I would do is either put myself out or offer the use of my own machine. He is not a child although he is behaving like one, so you need to put a stop to this right now.

Be straight with him, tell him to sort his own problems out without bothering you with them because you lost interest in them a long time ago.

SarcyMare · 01/08/2014 15:47

he can just phone up claiming to be you, and if they comment get very offended, and maybe even threaten to sue for something stupid about causing distress.

I mean he could be mid op and calling himself Mrs.

Mercythompson · 01/08/2014 15:48

It's not your problem. He kept it, he needs to sort it out. Unless you have kids with him then just cut contact immediately. He is treating you like his mum and seems to think you have an obligation to help him, why are you going along with it?

As I said, as long as you don't have kids with him, why ever speak to him again?

You have to buy all new stuff, why are you fixing stuff he wouldn't let you have?

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 15:51

Dd2 is his. He's raised dd1 since she was 10 months old. She disowned him a few weeks ago. Dd2 refuses to go to his house, but still wants a relationship with him, so sees him here.

Grin @ sarcymare.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 01/08/2014 15:51

I don't understand why any of this is your problem

Mercythompson · 01/08/2014 15:53

Ok, so you have to have some kind of contact with him. Still no reason to fix the things he kept. It's not your problem.

Clutterbugsmum · 01/08/2014 15:54

I'd cancel the policy and tell him to sort himself or use the lauderette.

Picklepest · 01/08/2014 15:55

Just tell mr you divorced and it's now his responsibility and move to his name...? Hardly like you're the first. Can't be that hard can it?

AlpacaLypse · 01/08/2014 15:58

Have you actually tried to change the policy over to his name?

He really is a useless twunt isn't he!

Have some Cake by the way, it's Friday and I think we all deserve some Smile

MaxPepsi · 01/08/2014 15:59

Phone them.Explain you are no longer together and ask them to change the name on the policy.
He can then ring himself.

He sounds like a pita. Yanbu.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 16:00

I'd forgotten all about the policy until he needed to use it. I'm sure we could change it.

I might call them from my mums and try and change it over. Or would I need him there?

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 01/08/2014 16:02

Why are you doing anything?

It's HIS PROBLEM.

He refused to come to a reasonable agreement re the furniture, now you are going to sort stuff out for him?

Say no.

Tell him he claimed everything, so it's his problem to sort out and if that means paying for a repair or a new machine - that's his tough luck.

Dooin', you are out physically and that is great and I am as I have said before, so so proud of you, but you aren't yet out mentally or emotionally. That's a journey you have yet to complete.

It's. Not. Your. Problem.

Let him have difficulties to sort out himself. Let him come up against problems that are of his own making. It's not your job to sort it out, even if you think you are making some sort of stand by telling him to wait a few days - you aren't.

LIZS · 01/08/2014 16:11

somehow I knew this would be you ! Ring them and say it is now x's so policy is in his name, or send them an email . In the time it has taken to post on here you could have sorted it so it is then up to him to negotiate a repair - or not. Do you pay annually or by dd ? Cancel it and any similar in future. They (is it D & G?) will write and ask for renewal at which point he can deal with it.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 16:14

Yes, it's D and G. He pays for it, via DD from his own bank, he always has done. I actually have no idea why it is in my name. I think it had to be because the washer was.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 01/08/2014 16:16

YY to either changing the policy holder's name or simply canceling it. I mean, do you really need to have a repair policy for an item that is not in your possession, that you don't use, want or need?

If he was grown up enough to have a relationship than he can be grown up enough to get an appliance fixed.

Disclaimer, I am not implying that he is in fact grown up enough for a relationship.