To feel terrible about the row I've just had with DS1

[newrecruit]

I have 2 DCs, 8 &6. I run my own business and have been struggling with the holidays.

We've had a combination of kids clubs and me working in the evening etc.

This morning, they have football camp at 10. A client asked me to ring at 9:15, I thought this was fine as kids could be quiet on Minecraft for a bit.

I rang but he didn't pick up. He rang back at 9:40. I took the call which was fine, but then had to do hand signals to DC to turn x box off and get shoes on.

DC1 shouted at me whilst I was on the phone, refused to turn off Minecraft etc.

I had to end the phone call and completely lost my temper with him for behaving like that.

Now I feel awful. He went off to football crying and saying he didn't want to go.

I haven't spent enough time with them this holiday and I've been juggling the whole time I have.

He's knackered from a full week of camp, it's not his fault I arranged to take a phone call I should really have put off until I had dropped them off.

Now I'm crying too!

YANBU to feel terrible but I can easily see myself losing it in that situation. You're likely to be feeling worse than him come midday when he'll mostly be absorbed in something else.
I'd have a huge cuddle and a talk with him tonight though.

He will perk up at the camp very quickly. Take a deep breath, make yourself a cuppa and have a few mins to calm down.

I once firmly evicted DS1 from the room when I had a conf call at home and he wouldn't shut up because he wanted my attention, so you are not alone.

I explain and apologise when I lose my temper ( once I've calmed down). Carve out some time for you to have fun together.

I really sympathise. As a working single parent with young kids I know exactly where you're coming from. You're pulled in so many directions, working flat-out, having no time to yourself, yet ending up feeling that you're not doing anything very well. An all-round failure.

I've lost count of the number of times I've yelled at the kids when I'm trying to rush out to work, then feeling terribly guilty afterwards, and worrying about it all day.

You're not alone.

Are you working at the weekend? Could you allocate a block of time to do something really nice with the kids, to make you all feel better?

I'm sure your DS will have forgotten the row by now, and will be more concerned with scoring goals and so on!

DH is taking them out for the day tomorrow so I can get some work done - then hopefully I'm taking 3 days off next week so we can have some days out.

I feel like I'm getting all the rubbish bits at the moment and I hate it

I started my own business so I could spend time with them in the holidays, which seems ludicrous now!

I'm picking them up at 2:30 so will leave my phone at home and take them somewhere.

He hasn't been sleeping well either because it's so hot so he's very grumpy

But thank you, it helps to know I'm not the only one!

Ah, so sorry you feel so rubbish. I know the feeling where you know, at the bottom of it, that it is because both of you are really shattered and stretched. And hot, sleepless, and grumpy (really feel your pain there.)

Yes, a quiet word later on. Ask him what he might like to do when you both have some time together. He might even want to show you Minecraft (grit teeth and show interest!) I think you could also have the 'b-side' of the conversation where you say that you all have to get better at getting ready and out (I have this conversation a lot...) and that means finishing games and turning off Minecraft etc even if it is not what you want to do. Explain that this will avoid a lot of shouting and arguments.

Thank you all. He had forgotten all about it by the time we picked him up and we had a lovely evening.

I'm going to make a much more concerted effort to divide my time, rather than trying to do everything at once.

And breathe.