I am being perfectly reasonable (Christmas related, already).

[PerfectlyReasonablePolly]

I know, I know, it's not even August...

DC3 is due at Christmas, and this has provoked an even earlier than usual family discussion about plans. We normally host, and invite both sets of parents, although they are not always both able to come, and any of our siblings who do not have other plans.

I have had 2 c-sections so the overwhelming likelihood is that DC3 will be delivered by c-section on or around the 18th December. With this in my I have told everyone that I would like to just have a family Christmas, M&S food, probably a pyjama day so that the children can just play with their toys, and nobody needs to feel stressed. Due to our siblings' other commitments, this means that we will be leaving both sets of parents on their own.

My parents have been fine with this, and are talking about booking a fancy Christmas break in a nice hotel, which apparently they have always secretly wanted to do, but felt obliged to spend time with their DCS . DH is too scared to even tell his parents! He is coming out with a variety of options which mean that we can still see them. E.g. We will still host, but he will do all of the cooking and cleaning. This is a joke, there is simply no way that he will get the house ready to my standard, and he has rarely in his life cooked anything other than pasta and pesto. Or we will go to his parents so that they are not alone (a week post c-section, so either we have to stay, which will probably involve sleeping in an uncomfy bed and sharing a room with our DCs and the newborn baby, or we will have to drive 2 hours each way on Christmas Day. Did I mention that I will be a week post c-section?!).

As a concession, he did at one point suggest that maybe we could have them over for a meal on Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day. Again, which he will get the house ready for and cook from scratch. Massively unlikely. I do normally make a huge production of Christmas, and I usually love all of the prep and cooking, but this year the only solution I can see so that at least the children and I still enjoy it is to ignore it as much as possible, and then shove some pre-made food into the oven. I'm not sure I could bring myself to do this if we had guests.

With both of my DCs I've taken a while to establish breastfeeding, and I know now what a c-section entails. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable to stand my ground on this one, am I? Everyone is welcome to pop in for a cup of tea and to meet the baby after he/she is born, and I'm sure that people will be around over the Christmas period. But there will be no entertaining, and no formal meals being provided, in this house. PILs are not at all the sort to just muck in and help, so I am particularly keen to ensure that we are not committed to providing 3 course meals for them at any point at all over the holidays.

DH yesterday evening referred to me as "the Grinch".

[HamAndPlaques]

It's shameless appropriation of another culture but why not host Thanksgiving in November? Everybody still gets their turkey dinner and family time, and you can really rub it in by being 'thankful for the family's support for the imminent birth of DC3.'

[aintnothinbutagstring]

Having had two EMCS's myself, I understand, the few weeks afterwards are grim, for the first two weeks I only got up to put the kettle on. Not to mention lochia, that can go on for an age, who wants to deal with lochia with the IL's around . Cracked nipples, patches of leaked milk, mastitis. You just need your privacy in those first few weeks, not IL's sat there knife and fork in each hand waiting for their turkey.

[FryOneFatManic]

YANBU.

I've had a CS and I couldn't even stand up straight for 3 weeks, was hunched over a lot and no way would I have been able to host a dinner.

And by your description of your DH, if you did agree to let him clean and cook, he'd still be faffing about and asking how to do this and that.

No chance would I agree to it.