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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at dh lack of contact

18 replies

Tory79 · 31/07/2014 12:22

I'm 31 weeks pg, looking after ds2.10 and frantically packing up the house as much as possible ready for building work that starts on Monday. Everything is swollen, I'm hurting and tired!

Dh is......in Florida for the week with dsd. They went last thur, he'll be back in Saturday by which time ds and I will have moved to my mums 2.5 hours away to be out of the way for the builders. Im not sure at what point we will see him as he is staying here.

In the time they have been gone, I have only heard from dh in response to texts I have sent, which has been fairly practical stuff about the house. Not once has he texted me anything like how are we getting on, how Is ds, how am I feeling etc etc. on the other hand he is merrily checking in on fb to all the rides/parks he and dsd are going to. They did FaceTime us the other day but I'd actually asked him not to do that as I've just been telling ds daddy is at work (I know he wouldn't really grasp what dh and dsd are doing, but he's not stupid and if nothing else, he gets upset about not seeing dsd)

I'm glad they're having fun etc but aibu to be somewhat miffed dh seems to have just forgotten about those he has left behind while he's off enjoying himself?

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 31/07/2014 12:27

Not unreasonable at all. DH is away ATM with DD- I'm working and following on with DS on Saturday- he's been sending me texts with their news and pics. FaceTime is a pita, I hate it, but could you FaceTime audio? It might just be a cost thing, him not keeping in touch.

Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 12:29

It's iMessages so free on wifi which he has access too, in any event his work pay for his phone!

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 31/07/2014 12:45

In which case I'd text him saying, 'I'm jealous of the lovely time you're having, hot, shattered and missing you! Can you send me some sympathetic supportive texts please!'

MrsWinnibago · 31/07/2014 12:50

YAnbu but have you told him? He SHOULD know to call you every evening though. It seems very selfish not to check up on how you and DS are.

Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 12:58

That's the thing mrswinnibago it's not that I'm expecting him to call me every night or even necessarily at all, there's a 5 hour time diff and Florida is a hectic holiday, but to not even have had one text saying how are you doing feels pretty rubbish. Especially as he can spare the time to check in everywhere they go on fb which is just rubbig salt into the wounds!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 31/07/2014 13:12

Yanbu op. You're pregnant and packing up a house fgs, the least he could do is call to ask if you're ok. Why isn't your DS included in the trip? Was the trip planned before the building work?

LastTango · 31/07/2014 13:14

Sorry, but Once Upon A Time people didn't have mobiles and they just used to go on holiday and enjoy themselves. Perhaps that is what he is doing. It's no excuse, of course.

Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 13:18

Ds didn't go because I didn't go - he's not quite 3 and if dh had taken both of them it would have pretty rubbish for dsd who's 9 as they would have been really limited in what they could do eg she would have had to go on most of the rides alone as dh would have had to wait with ds. (Disclaimer: I would have gone if not pg!)

Holiday was booked only about a week before they went - dh realised at the last minute it would be his only opportunity to go what with work and house stuff.

OP posts:
Whilewildeisonmine · 31/07/2014 13:19

YANBU. I'd be miffed too!

Whilewildeisonmine · 31/07/2014 13:19

YANBU. I'd be miffed too!

Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 13:19

Well yes lasttango but these days people DO have mobiles and I'm pretty sure that sending the occasional 'thinking of you' text would not spoil his enjoyment of his holiday too much?!

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 31/07/2014 13:22

If he's hearing from you via text already, and is responding to your texts, then he knows how you are. He doesn't need to specifically ask to know that you are ok, as presumably you'd be able to text him with a problem in the same way that you already are for the house stuff.

I can see why it would grate a little that he's off having a wonderful time while you are at home dealing with boring practical stuff, but his focus is probably on his daughter, just as it should be.

Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 13:28

woowoo he's not contacted me once other than in response to things relating to the building work. Once I commented on my ridiculously swollen feet and ankles, he just said 'oh dear'. He doesn't KNOW how I am, he hasn't asked once. Of course I can tell him if there's an actual problem, but isn't it just nice to check in with your pregnant wife and son just now and again??

Of course his focus is on dsd, they had my blessing to go without me and ds (in fact it was my idea) but again what's a couple of minutes to just say how are you doing? Maybe he could have done that instead of one of his multiplefacebook check ins!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tory79 · 31/07/2014 13:29

Oh no I tell a lie, he did text me to tell me that dsd was doing his head in Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Tory79 · 01/08/2014 09:31

Haven't heard from him since wed now, packing done, ds and I have driven 3.5 hours to my mums. They fly back tonight and I have no idea when I'll see him!

It's a bit sucky....

OP posts:
KissMyFatArse · 01/08/2014 09:35

A text or phone call to his pregnant wife isn't too much to ask.

I think he's being an inconsiderate knob.

Icelollycraving · 01/08/2014 09:39

Yanbu. Packing up a house,looking after a 3 year old & being pregnant in this heat,that deserves a fuck off huge bottle of perfume from duty free.

Seriouslyffs · 01/08/2014 19:54
Shock Yep that's sucky Sad
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