AIBU to think that, apparently, you HAVE to start a blog once you have a baby?

[maisiemarlow]

;)

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Cinnamon Bunnies And Compassionate Constipation:TMJOOMH
by Ms Maisie Anonymous (because it has to be that way)
graphic.gif XXFINDagoodonexX

Entry 1. Today.

I am starting a blog – welcome, dear Reader, to the first entry of many. Oh, so many many. The reason for this major life event? Based on my ability to type questions like 'Is it normal for my three week old to sit up by herself and drink independently from a sippy-cup whilst scanning the newspaper?' into Google, it appeared the obvious thing to do, the natural way forward. Something you Do once you have had a baby. It is the next step in my evolution from mere woman to Woman. Note that capital, please. It is meaningful. (And for the record, that really happened. My DD is very advanced for her age.)

For now that I am truly Woman, I feel I have to share with you all I have learned. My expert opinions will be better than any gynaecologist or paediatrician or psychologist you shall encounter, as they have been crafted from real actual blood, sweat and tears (empowering) and real actual posset and poo (check out that humour, y'all!). Instinct, intuition, and a deep-rooted earthmotherliness that takes hold of only a special handful of us ones who have given birth will be more valuable to you than you could ever know, when you're crying over your keyboard at 2am looking for Answers. If I don't reach out my hand in the age-old tradition of Woman to Woman through a free Wordpress blog with a cute logo, I will have failed.

Not that I will have failed as a mother of course. Don't be ridiculous. I am that ultimate of Mothers who, when perusing my writings, you will envy for her endurance and laughter and insight; for her amusing faux pas and daring back-chat; for her loving herself just as she is with her unwashed hair and stretchmarks (I actually just have the one, way down near my panty-line, but I sympathise much with you, and recommend vitamin E oil mixed with homegrown kale juice – beforehand, obviously, not after, you foolish woman). I am a grand success, but still humble and willing enough to await your approval ticking away in visitor numbers at the bottom of the webpage, showing such love for the comments from desperates who overuse exclamation marks and cannot grasp basic grammar, saying lovely things like: 'O thank u Maisie!!!1! U hav saved my life I didnt know whot 2 do with my DD as she didnt sleep but now u hav saved my life!!!!!1' or 'Why does nuthing work with my ds 40wks? Tried curry g&t and jogging Pls help me Masiie cos I canot understand why he refuses to be bborn, u have many answers?' Bless.

So I've done some research, and there are only about 10.27million blogs and websites about having a baby. Can you believe it? Why not more people are writing about this vital topic I cannot fathom, but it is my duty to help grow the numbers. As you've no doubt seen, I've decided to call my blog 'Cinnamon Bunnies & Compassionate Constipation: The Magical Joys of Organic Motherhood', to emphasise my warmly funny, honest yet annoyingly condescending approach to caring ethically for myself, my baby and, of course, my needy and uneducated readership. In it, I will force on you everything you need to know about Motherhood, make some aptly snide and disparaging jokes about the role of fathers (not my own child's father of course, who is a real Father, and yes, you should feel jealous and insecure), and, even though my child is only 6months old (albeit already completing sudoko puzzles with a fountain pen at an endearingly alarming rate), will tell you how to deal effectively with potty-training and primary school tantrums, and illuminate for your benefit the severe problems of teenagers who board/do not board. (XXXX!!! decide which before publishing blog!!!XXX also we're out of milk and veet XXXX).

This is because my Knowledge has anticipated all possible child-related concerns you might have. This is because I am Research in itself, and all studies, peer-reviewed papers and medical professionals have nothing on my Experience. This is because the Stories told of my Offspring uniquely precede all those of yours. This is because you cannot possibly love your child as much as I do, and therefore will never reach that highest of rungs on the Motherhood ladder: being able to blog about it. Hear me Roar!

Well done OP! Maybe these people can't get away with boring friends so they come online and do it! Fairly harmless I suppose because I never bother reading them.

To post the same thread twice because you're so hilarious that you needed the affirmation?

And then accuse bloggers of being attention seeking?

YABU

first thread wasn't so popular

Well if course she wasn't popular on the first thread- she got the people who blog about babies and children! She has now targeted those of us who don't and welcome the chance to ridicule.

On AIBU we can think it hilarious- those who take themselves seriously and are like OP are not likely to find it funny!

It just strikes me as a bit ironic. .."Oh bloggers think they're so funny they need to be read. ... ah, no one's reading my ever so funny post. Must try again a month later"

FWIW I blog, have a child that's well over 3 and even occasionally manage to be useful to other people. But go on, slag us all off....

I see you are a blogger katese11 and therefore you won't like it.
Perhaps the world is split into to bloggers and non bloggers and neither side understand the other.

Cross posted

I didn't mind it the first time. ...!

But it was never going to take off- it was in the wrong place- and a shame to waste it.
I have never been in blogger chat- didn't know it existed and certainly never bother with blogs about children. ( except for 2 who are so serious they are inadvertently funny).

katese11: As penance, I'm registering www.maisiehypocritical.co.uk as we speak.

That's a suitable penance ;)

Thanks op.

I never read mummy blogs, but had the pleasure of meeting a well known blogger (according to my friend) at a party last week. Her children were feral. Not just a little spirited, but seriously out of control - punching, shoving, smashing, ripping etc. If a child began to cry, one of her kids was close by. She didn't get off her arse for the duration of the party, and largely ignored the badbehaviour.
I checked out the blog when I got home - it was full of sweet descriptions of a perfect family life and glowing school reports. Bullshit.

Flywheel: HAHAHA, classic!

I know one like that Flywheel and it can leave you feeling inadequate as a parent and then I think - 'hang on- you actually know this family and the children are a nightmare!'
I suspect the writer actually believes her version!

I've sometimes wondered if I should start a blog to document my children's lives or the trials and tribulations of motherhood but am put off by the fact that I feel I have nothing that will particularly interest anyone who doesn't know me. My parents live nearby so they don't need to read a blog. I would have to give my children and DH silly pseudonyms like Sprout or Ploppy. Then if I wanted other people to read my blog I would have to read other people's blogs about children I don't know and comment on them as well. (To be fair I do occasionally read blog posts, usually if someone's posted it on a Facebook page for example, and some of them are quite well-written and thought-provoking). The only parenting one I really like is Crappy Pictures.

I do sometimes feel I should be keeping more of a record of my children's lives, but I could do this on my computer rather than publishing it for the whole world to see. I've made two abortive attempts at blogging in the past - one when I was writing some satirical-ish things about current events and once when I went travelling. I will have to check if they are still there! Around 2005-06 I followed a few blogs (non-parenting ones as I didn't have children then) but haven't looked at them for ages.

I apologise re my comment.

It just seemed the ones I'd read usually only had 1 child, 2 years old at max. On average.

Maybe because that's the age where you're constantly dealing with "wtf" moments and need to write about it?

I know I do. Only I don't blog. I just write them down.

Generally I agree but if you want to laugh till you cry at a 'mummy' blog (in a good way) find Cold Coffee Confessions. The woman has got me through many a night feed.

When I first had dd I spent £££££s on bulk buying all the "Mummy revelations" books.

Had the explosion of mummy-blogs been around then I could have saved a fecking fortune.

Or I'd have written one myself I s'pose. Small mercies then that I didn't come across any until she was about 5 and by then I no longer laboured under the misapprehension I was the only woman ever to have had a baby.

The mummyblog is the primest example of the old adage "just because everyone can write, doesn't mean they should". Or at least, write by all means, but don't please, expect anyone to read it.

I have always kept a diary. I do write. I do write a blog. But it's not about my kid poo'ing into my slippers and all the other "hilarious" things that happen with small humans around.

Halfdrunk- I think there's nothing wrong with writing a parenting/mummy blog per se. It's just that it seems, as the OP says, that 99.9% of women who have ever had a baby seem to feel that everybody else wants to know all about it. I like the idea of writing for posterity for the family though.

I blog, and I started blogging when I had a pfb.

I didn't have anyone to talk to, quite literally, apart from a few words with Nice Mr Next Door when I hung washing out. So I just wittered on. It was a nice relief.

Actually I don't blog solely about ds as I assume that in ten years time he will not want the whole internet being able to mock his potty training. I think some of these 'mummy' blogs will lead to their pfbs suffering later on.

I also get very depressed by blogs about people's perfect lives. I am utterly depressed by Frugal Queen's blog. She is brilliant and I am an epic fail.

You cringe for some children whose parents persist in telling the world about them -with pictures! What is wrong with a private diary if you feel the need?

I saw one where it was the DD's 15th birthday and the mother was blogging about the birth, in detail! Don't think of the poor child?

Hilarious post, OP. YANBU, most 'Mummy Bloggers' are ridic, although even in my childless state I find Eeh Bah Mum brilliantly funny - I sincerely hope I'll be like that when I eventually manage to pop one out!

yanbu OP. Let us know when you start a blog!
Dranksangria I totally agree. lisaMed you shouldnt feel depressed. It is probably all a front and Frugal is on her DS's Ritalin to cope with the pressure and neverhas any time for tea!

I did it! I got to four!!

lolz, catsize. :)