to tell a friend she is a sociopath and I don't have time for her and the drama she brings

[suziepra]

Hi,

My friend is a sociopath and has been a lot of fun in the past but now we live in different cities so whenever we see each other it is for a couple of days and I just find it too much.

She does and says exactly what she wants to without any regard to anyone else. She said the other day that I looked really bad and had aged a lot recently. I ignored her text. Then she asked to come stay with me and I said only if you are well behaved. She now says I'm bulling her, made a comment that I was socially inept and no fun anymore.

She seriously doesn't even understand what she's doing is offensive. She started ripping apart my family and the minor tif I was having and staying how messed up my family is. My family are all in good relationships and hers her parents speperated recently and her dad has a long Thai woman now, her sister is pregnant with her cheating husbands kid, but I wouldn't dare call her family messed up to her face as I have compassion.

Should I just cut her out? Everything she is she doesn't see and just blames on me.

Agree with everyone else, diagnosis or not, she isn't treating you well & you don't need that in your life at all.

I did wonder about ASD though from some of your comments, the bluntness & lack of self awareness etc, but then perhaps not so with her blatant mistruths over your family.

Does really matter why or where for really, she plainly isn't nice to you, you can't handle her in larger doses, so you need to drop her, or play her at her own game & keep the relationship on your terms only & be equally as blunt -

IE - No you cant come to stay, you are too difficult when you do stay & it doesn't suit me - pop over & we could meet for a drink or a meal if you really want to se me, theres plenty of hotels if thats difficult for you, but thats all I'm prepared to give

end of

doesn't really matter

People only change if they think they need to. And nothing you've said about her suggests that she feels that way.

So I don't think there's anything you can do to convince her that her behaviour is the problem. I'd really just change your end of the relationship and leave her to decide what to do about it.

So, decide how much of your time and attention to give her, and limit your involvement to that.

Oh & "did you mean to be so rude" said with a smile in your voice at every negative comment & put down & repeat ad infinitum

Whether she's a sociopath or not, she is unlikely to change and I'd advise you to drop her.

I had a similar "friend" when I was a student, great fun in a mental kind of way, who let me down massively on three occasions. Despite living in different towns we kept bumping into each other after uni and the "friendship" was renewed, supposedly much stronger than ever. Then some kind of crisis or crunch would come and she would turn out to be the same arse as before. The third time I decided enough was enough and stopped contact - by that time she'd moved in with my husband who I'd separated from but was still trying to patch things up with. It took her a year to admit to that, via an incredibly crass email, but the only reason she did admit it was because she wanted to stop me going to an event that the two of them were both going to be at.

I got an email from her 9 years after that telling me how sorry she was, how she'd changed (even changed her first name), how having kids had made her a better person, how she really wanted to hear from me, loads of compliments about my photography (she'd obviously been Googling me).

The email went unanswered. I don't need people like that in my life.

Thanks everyone.

I've said she can't stay with me as its too much to deal with and suggested a hotel.

Your all right, as much as I would like her to change, she doesn't see anything wrong with how she acts. Kind of feel guilty as lots of other people have cut her out,but I think I should of done the same yearsvago

It doesn't really matter whether she is a sociopath, has a personality disorder or is just a selfish drama llama. The fact is she's no friend to you and you're better off without her.

If you're going to say something then I'd make it about how you feel rather than her actions per se or suggesting you've labelled her.

Well I was wondering if she is a sociopath then it makes her actions more excusable. But from the messages on here don't think it makes any difference

It might explain her actions, but doesn't excuse them. People who cannot empathise with other people's struggles or pain must still learn how to get along with people with struggles and pain! It might take them a little longer to learn, but they must to function in society.

Her parents may feel they have to make allowances for her, but you don't. The more people who panda to her whims, the longer it takes her to feel she has to change. She is more likely to change (or get help) if everyone sets boundaries and, when she crosses them, there are natural consequences.