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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In telling friend's child not to do something?

64 replies

Booboostoo · 30/07/2014 16:32

This is a bit long but I don't want to drip feed.

We are friends with a couple who have a 4yo and a 2yo. DP and I went to school with the husband. Last time DP happened to see them without me and they raised concerns with him about my breast feeding our 3yo. DP didn't say exactly what they said but since they chose not to discuss it directly with me I did not bring it up with them. I am not militant or judgey about bf, it's just something I do with my DD and if people want to discuss it I am happy to otherwise I don't bring it up.

We saw them again last Sunday and I was sitting next to their 2yo for lunch. At some point she used her fork to prick my hand. I looked to her parents and they seemed to not have noticed because they were talking. Then she pricked my hand twice more and since no one reacted I said to her that we don't prick people with forks because it makes aou aou (with a nice calm voice and a smile). She then pricked her food and looked at me so I said well done that's what forks are for, then she pricked the plate and looked at me so I said that is fine, then a wallet that is OK, etc. I thought we were having fun and communicating. Then her dad said don't do that, so the next time she did it and looked at me I said daddy said not to do that and that was the end.

When they left DP asked me why I had upset our friends by disciplining their child and was it because I wanted to get back at them for the bf critiques. WTF? AIBU to think there was nothing to get upset about? And I certainly didn't do it in retaliation for a perceived slight! I only said something because no one else had noticed and I thought that pricking people with a fork was probably not a good habit to get into.

OP posts:

Idontseeanyicegiants · 30/07/2014 17:23

Does he often tell you that you've upset someone?
This isn't sitting right at all. Is he supportive of you BFing your DD?

Preciousbane · 30/07/2014 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2014 17:30

YANBU, she would have got a firm 'Ouch, no' from me the first time she pricked my hand.

Is there a slight chance they thought you were 'performance parenting' their child, with the other things you were saying to her? You know in a sort of 'I know best how to teach your child', kind of way?

I'm not saying they should have thought that btw...and they do sound a bit batshit crazy, but is it a possibility?

IDontDoIroning · 30/07/2014 17:34

Your extended bf has no direct impact on them whereas you being stuck with a fork by their dc is or could be uncomfortable or painful. So any conparis

Original poster

Booboostoo · 30/07/2014 17:36

DP thought I failed to see that our friends were upset - that may be true, I don't know.

He does occasionally say that I failed to read a social situation correctly - again I don't know maybe he is right.

DP is not supportive of bf. I don't really know why, every time he gives a reason I can respond to he moves onto something else, so now he says I do not understand. E.g. He would say I am too tired from bf but I think that can be true of many babies regardless of how they feed, then he would say that DD was not sleeping well because of FB but I can't find any evidence to support that, then that bf had no nutritional value but that seems factually incorrect. I am like a dog with a bone when I think there are good reasons for something and no good reasons against it though. This is a whole different story though!

OP posts:

IDontDoIroning · 30/07/2014 17:36

Woops ....comparison is rudiculous.
They have no right to be offended by either your fb or you objecting to being stuck with a sharp object.
He / they abvu

Chippednailvarnish · 30/07/2014 17:39

The friends aren't a problem, your DH is.

Massive red flags about his behaviour.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/07/2014 17:40

It's him.

You've not misread a social situation but he wants you to think that you have.

MamaDoGood · 30/07/2014 17:41

I would be pissed off if you didn't tell my children to stop stabbing you with a fork !!!!

PopularNamesInclude · 30/07/2014 17:44

If you saw no sign that your friends were upset, and they didn't say they were upset, then your DP is, as branleuse said up thread, simply a shitstirrer. He's messing with you.

He does occasionally say that I failed to read a social situation correctly Has anyone else ever mentioned this to you? B/c it strikes me as manipulative. I bet your friends never said a word about bf. Or they simply agreed with his views when he told them he didn't like it.

And in the situation you describe, you did not discipline their child. You very sweetly stopped her poking you with a fork, and made it a little game. If anyone was upset by this then I'd say they're crap at reading social situations.

Lweji · 30/07/2014 17:46

I think your dh is being a shitstirrer.

This, and everyone else along the same lines.

It's odd he will say they talked about your bf but won't say exactly what and his reaction (not theirs) to you dealing with the child.
It sounds like he wants you to be uncomfortable around them.

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 17:46

Booboo

Just encountered you on another thread. I am surprised you say you misread social situations. I suspect that's not true

Only1scoop · 30/07/2014 17:50

After your last post my I think my first impression is reinforced....

He tells you they 'expressed concerns' regarding your extended bf but wouldn't tell you what....
I'd bet that was the other way round Op.

I don't think they were in the slightest upset about the fork thing.

I think it's your Dh who was.

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/07/2014 17:53

You did the right thing. I think your husband is over thinking. Put it out of your mind and have a

Panzee · 30/07/2014 17:55

I bet if you did ask them what they thought about extended bf they would have no opinion whatsoever.

Lweji · 30/07/2014 17:55

every time he gives a reason I can respond to he moves onto something else, so now he says I do not understand.

You say it's a whole other story. But it's all part of the same pattern, isn't it?

Groovee · 30/07/2014 18:00

I reckon you need to poke him with a fork and ask if it's acceptable!

notkatemiddleton · 30/07/2014 18:00

I agree, sounds like your DH is upset! odd.

It takes a village to raise a child so you don't do anything wrong.

pigsDOfly · 30/07/2014 18:01

Not sure how you could have possibly been misreading this social situation OP.

The child poked you with a fork and you dealt with the situation in a calm reasonable manner. Why would the parents been offended unless they're as unreasonable as you DH.

How would he have dealt with it?

His issues with bf definitely seem to be tied up with his unkind attitude towards you.

Mabelface · 30/07/2014 18:05

I don't think you read social situations wrongly at all. I think your DH likes to have you on the back foot and make you doubt yourself.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 18:08

I would just tell DP not to be so stupid and move on!

Esmum07 · 30/07/2014 18:11

My exH used to do exactly the same thing. He would say so and so thinks xyz. I realised, when I met DH that this was my ex's way of controlling. If he said it was his thought he knew I would argue my corner. If it was a friend was I really likely to confront them? Probably not unless it was very important to me.

I think either your friends are very nosey about a private matter like BF, your DH asked their opinion or he is projecting his feelings on to them so you have to take the criticism without being able to put your POV.

As for the child incident. Are people who are so gobby about your personal lives really likely to sit back and let someone discipline their child if they don't approve? Really?

YADNBU by the way. If someone had to tell my DS off for poking with a fork I would be livid...with him!

WilburIsSomePig · 30/07/2014 18:12

I could be completely off the mark here but I think your DP has prblemms with you breastfeeding but wants you to think your friends have. I also don't think you misread this particular situation and I'm not sure what his game is.

RockinHippy · 30/07/2014 18:21

Your DH is a stirring asshole - sounds more like it's him who gas the problem, not you

maras2 · 30/07/2014 18:23

If any of my friend's kids did this I'd like to think that I know them well enough to say 'Please ask DD to stop poking me with her fork'.And they would.

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