To ask friends to chip in for petrol sometimes?

[cocktail82]

My partner and I are good friends with another couple, and we often go out for dinner/cinema together. Whilst my husband and I drive, neither of them have passed their tests, or even learnt to drive as they say they cant afford to, so its always down to us to drive. Normally this does not bother me, and if we are going long distance, they will offer to chip in, but what I am finding annoying is that they never offer to chip in for the shorter journeys. They just assume as we are already going that way then its fine. Which in principle it is, although I dont see why it should always be us that forks out for the cost of running the car and paying for the petrol, and for them to be picked up and chauffeured around up to 3 to 4 times a week! I dont see why it should cost us money to go somewhere, but our friends dont pay a thing. I just wish they would say something like we appreciate all the lifts you give us. Heres 20 for all the lifts we have had off you in the last few months or buy us a drink when we go out. Do you think im being unreasonable??

I can't imagine seeing anyone that often.

At least they are contributing to the longer journeys.

I agree it would sound petty to ask them to contribute if you are going that way anyway.

Maybe you could fill up on the way, to remind them that cars don't run on fresh air.

When you give someone a lift it isn't only money for petrol involved - what bothers me is having to leave at a time that suits all the people in the car

Simplest solution to that is to let them know when you'll be setting off and if they don't want to leave at that point they'll have to make other arrangements. Leaving should be at the driver's discretion.

cocktail does it take up a lot of extra time picking them up and dropping them off? That's what would bother me more than the petrol issue, time is more important than money (imo). I do know that if I was the driver I wouldn't dream of taking money from a friend for a short journey that was en route anyway, it would make me feel really miserly. But I also know that if I was the friend being picked up, even if it was on the driver's way, I would at least want to buy them a drink to show it was appreciated - I'd feel mortified if I was seen as taking advantage.

As a non-driver, it's very easy for it truly not to occur to you on short runs. Would it be worth broaching with them gently? If they are close friends, I'm sure they'd be mortified to realise they've been taking advantage...

I know as someone else who doesn't drive, I've only thought about it since DH has had a company car and been expensing shortish trips. Before that, it didn't cross my mind regardless of driver unless we had to refill the tank en route. Naïve, yes; wilfully rude, no.

I have a friend who frequently expected lifts but never offered money in return. Once she left her keys at my house, I had to drive them back to her, never even offered the petrol money and it was her mistake.

So now, I dont give her lifts at all.

I wouldn't offer - nor I have never been offered - petrol money for local lifts. It's just not the done thing. That said, I would always get the first round in, and/or pay the parking if someone gives me a lift. It's just manners. If they've not thought of it, and you are paying for parking, I wouldn't have a problem suggesting it to them.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, as such. I often give lifts. A few will give me little gifts now and then which is lovely.

One particular person I often give a lift to is another story! She asked me to make her a drink the other day and I said she could make me one.. She called me lazy and said I never do anything for her! Guess who is trotting on their merry way from now on?!

Perhaps you should start suggesting ways for them to pay

Movie: Sure thing! Do you want to buy the tickets, food or just give us $ for petrol?

Restaurant: No problem! How about you buy us our first drinks instead of paying for petrol.

The excuse about you going there anyway... sure. But more people = more weight = more petrol used (okay not a lot but not the point).

If they query it i would say "how would you get there if we didn't drive? Okay. So you save money but it costs us money... hardly seems fair does it..."

Could you put a thank-you card and a partially eaten box of chocolates out in plain view. Ask the sales clerk to write "your name" (as you have tendonitis and can't write atm you see) on the envelope, and inside the card "With thanks for the drive down to "place name", really appreciated not having to take the train "work colleague they will never meet name"xxx"

Or some similar ruse to maybe just open their eyes? I am a bit dense myself and don't always pick up on things right away. (to put it mildly)