I'm in my 30s and only recent realised that my childhood wasn't normal. It was very controlled and governed by fear. I realise that in many ways this continues despite my efforts to stop it.
After our son was born I tried to raise the subject with my mother and explain that I had grown up afraid to do anything wrong because of the consequences. I explained that this still affected my working life now. I was provided with a number of excuses. And then it was all forgotten. Both parents and siblings were against my choice of husband as I was marrying outside of my culture and to someone I had chosen. He is a kind funny man who has always made me happy. He comes from a similar home himself so we have spent the past 16 years setting up our life together and trying to be more independent from our parents. Our life is a happy one. We have an amazing son who brings us do much joy and we just pray he will grow up feeling happy and loved.
But none of this is good enough for my parents. I received an email when we first started thinking about having kids telling me not to have children asy husband would be a useless dad and I wouldn't be able to cope.
When I became pregnant my mother kept referring to my bump as her baby and how she was going to be his mummy too.
When he was born I felt totally criticised and inadequate in my parents eyes. Every choice we made was questioned. From giving him the mmr vaccine to breastfeeding past six months. I asked that they respect our choices but was told that's just how they are and how they show their love.
Last year they tried to split up my husband and I. For no reason other than not liking him or who he is. I tried to stand up for him but was too weak. I finally did but the damage was done. Once again my husband was insulted in his own home and people had gotten away with it.
Most recently we received another visit with more insults. And this time I calmly wasn't having any of it. I asked them to leave. And I have not heard anything since. I suspect they are waiting for an apology. I feel very very guilty but I know this has to stop. For my sake, my husbands and our sons. We just want to be happy.