Wibu to just go soon?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

A relative has asked me to come over to help with some course work, apparently I'm quite selfish and unhelpful for not helping before. This is along the lines of typing things up for her, proof reading, formatting her work. Which I admit no I don't really want to. I also know nothing about the subject she's studying, and she tends to be quite scatty, so she'd ask for help but then end up having me doing other things such as help her choose a dress or run errands with her. As far as I know the course has been going on for years and she's delayed and extended because she hasn't met deadlines.

On top of that I've for lots to do myself but have been told that they are not as important as I've not got a deadline.

Anyway, she asked me to come at 10.30, then put it back to 11.30 but told me to come over anyway and she'd definitely be back by 11.30.

She's still not he and I'm sat here like an idiot.

And when I say I want to get away by 2.30 I'll be called selfish and unhelpful.

So she's abusive and manipulative and unless more people stand up to her, she will continue her merry way. I hope she's young and foolish and has time to learn and change.

You need to distance yourself from her, family or not. What she's threatening her 'friend' with is blackmail. You, and all her friends and family, need to stop allowing her this power over you. She can only treat you like this if you let her. Stop letting her.

You really have to start standing up for yourself, you can't go on like this. You'll gain respect from others plus have more self-respect if you learn to be assertive.

Just leave. No note, don't explain. Then block her number.

God, she sounds absolutely bloody awful.

Is this your sister?

Thanks, she's here now, but outside gossiping with a neighbour.

I will stay for now so as not to cause a hoo ha but I can see I'm not in the wrong and need to set some boundaries.

I will post more later and hopefully get some tips to sort the situation out.

Did you realise you should be bearing a grudge to her? Does she care?

I read a wonderful expression on MN recently:

"not my circus, not my monkeys"

I helped a relative out with proof reading etc of a degree dissertation but I wasn't doing anything else, I was happy to help and she was incredibly grateful.

Why do I get the feeling your update is going to be that you practically had to do the entire work because she'd done bugger all.

I really do hope you manage to change your feelings and responses to her because ime of people like you describe - they don't change so all you can do is change yourself.

starting with not being afraid of their tantrums.

It's very very difficult, but it is doable.

'I will stay for now so as not to cause a hoo ha '

How long for?
Tell her before you get started on anything, and make sure you leave when you said you would. So, you'll have given her 3 hours of your time.
If she's struggling with the course, it's the job of her tutors to support her. If it's taking her years, she's probably on the wrong course.

'I will stay for now so as not to cause a hoo ha '

OP I know you've said above that you don't like confrontation, but, with someone like this, isn't there always going to be a 'hoo ha' of some sort or other, as they're so demanding, that at some point or other people like this always feel they get 'let down' because their demands become increasingly unreasonable on the other person (and to be honest, she's already mucked you about today, left you waiting, etc).

So.... mightn't you be better just telling her once and for all you're not going to help? Because the 'hoo ha' is going to come at some point anyway, so it might as well be in the service of you getting what you want, than in what she wants (you giving in and fulfilling her every wish and command).

(Finally, apologies for over use of the term 'hoo ha' btw, but I just love it!)

I hope you got out of their without too much hoo ha, OP.

Why oh why do people put up with this sort of bollocks?