To think you should pay money owed before going on hols?

[YANAgurl1973]

My parents lent brother 13 grand to pay off debts. This was 7 years ago. They have paid a grand total of 2 grand back. This was dad's redundancy money. It was agreed that they would pay back £200 a month. They keep pleading poverty whenever my dad brings it up. He's just told me they are thinking about going to Dominican Republic or Crete. He doesn't know I know about the money as dad told me in confidence. The more I think about it,the angrier I get :(

YANBU.

If the promise was made to pay it back then they should.
How do your parent feel about them going on holiday?

Oh.

That's really not on

A little uk break if there's dc's I could understand, but the Dominican Republic? No way!

I don't concern myself with money that's been given to my brother by my parents. And I certainly understand that a loan is actually a bailout. Dad sometimes moans to me about it. My brother has been helped out since day one, whereas I've always looked after myself. If I sat down & thought about the house, car, gap year etc that he's had then I'd really resent my brother. I accept that mine's a taker, not a giver. Leave it up to him & your Dad.

I sent someone a large sum of money because she was apparently about to lose her home. She then took her boyfriend on holiday for three weeks.
The photos were lovely and she was very proud of the fact that she treated him to the whole thing. She then moaned about what a user he was when he dumped her. I think she had her irony removed somewhere along the way.

Some people are leeches.

Fucking Hell. YANBU. He should be doing absolutely everything he can to pay the money back ASAP. No nights out etc and certainly no holidays.

It is annoying but it is between your Dad and your brother.
I am not sure your Dad should have even told you in confidence if it is something your brother did not want you to know.

Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do without finding yourself caught in the middle but it’s awful, disrespectful of your brother.
Your options are, ask your dad if he would like to say something. Its isn’t your brothers confidence it’s your dads and if he is happy for you to discuss it then i would go round to your brothers and tell him you are aware of the money which has been lent and are shocked that he would consider booking a holiday anywhere let alone to the Dom Rep before paying your dad back.

Ask him why he isn’t paying some back each month by direct debit? If he had paid off £200 per month it would be have been paid back about two years ago. Remind him that its your dads nest egg for retiring or what he needs to live on now if he retired after the redundancy.

Unfortunately your brother may just be selfish enough to think your dad doesn’t need it. My sibling is like that sometimes, believes our parents never need to budget because they have nice things and go on great holidays. All true but they live within their means and save. I also once lent money to my sibling and in the end had to write it off (nowhere near as much as £13K) as other than nag what could i really do to get it back? I did however make sure that our parents knew about it, sounds petty but i wanted to “name and shame” him, i wanted it known he was a sh1t and the reasons i didn’t bother with Christmas and birthday present that year was because he’d already had the money off me.

Thanks everyone. My dad retires in 5 years so this money will be very much needed. Yes I think you are right re they think parents wouldn't miss it. My parents are mortgage free but dad is in a low paid job and has scrimped and saved most of his life. They have also dropped hints recently about borrowing more money believe it or not.

DHs sister always needs bailing out by her parents. Last year she needed a new cooker, they offered to get one. She picks an £800 one. She needed new carpet, they were paying so she got one that was ridiculously expensive. 2 months later she moved house and left the carpet.

I'm annoyed but its up to the inlaws to say something.

Some people are just takers. She had never contributed towards the Saturday night take away, but if we are one egg fried rice short she is never the one that goes without.

My dad lent his brother about 3000 (not a fortune but still a big enough sum) as he was in debt and needed the money asap. There were lots of promises of Direct Debits being set up etc.

The day after my dad lent him the money my uncle went on holiday for 2 weeks.

This was about 10 years ago and he has never had a penny back. Sadly I dont think he has learnt his lesson and would "lend" him the money again - I think my mother would have a say about that.

I dont think there is anything you can say to your brother but if it was me i would mention it every time I saw him "Have you paid dad back yet?" Might shame him into not asking for anymore money.

I would have to mention something like "is the holiday booked for after you have paid back dad?" but that is just me.

YA absolutely NBU. I'm in this exact situation and it sucks! I lent money to a family member who pleads poverty every time I ask for it to be paid back. Yet there is always money to go out to events and to buy things to support their hobby. This person is also being supported (all living/housing expenses paid for) by another (retired) family member, despite working full time and earning a reasonable salary (slightly less than the national average). Leech is the right word!

Ha! Can you tell I'm bitter?

Thanks everyone. Trying not to drip feed but we have only just started on speaking terms,if you call the odd fb message speaking terms. They seem to now want very little to do with us all as a family. I don't know if it's down to embarrassment re the money. There's a lot of other issues ttf. Seems like they have so many. money issues as they are the kind of people who like to give the impression that they are well off.

I think the phrase is champagne tastes on lemonade money. I guess now that when they come into money troubles again,there will be no one else to ask as no one will want to lend to them, so they will have shot themselves in the foot then.

That's why you don't lend family money unless you are ok with it never coming back to you. I know a few people that lent money to their siblings and then had their siblings avoid them because they couldn't pay it back, or they got mad that their siblings were going on vacation when they hadn't paid them back yet.

Generally, if someone is having money problems, money is the symptom and more of it will never be the solution. They can figure out their own finances, it's not hard to cut back on a few things. It's not fun... but it's doable. You can be happy on a shoe string budget if you're careful and get creative with meals and outings.

Terrible. Some people just don't use their brains.

Any money I've ever given my brother, and he does get stuck (because he's bought a new guitar), is written off by me. However when the shoe is on the other foot... I was quite pissed off that he stung me for 20 quid I owed him, when I was unemployed & skint. He knew that was food money to me.

I'm in a similar situation. Have to watch as I stay at home every holiday while they skip about abroad.
What would happen if you mentioned it to your DB?

im always amazed when people do this

me being me wouldnt be able to keep it shut im afraid,i salute your control op

YADNBU

im sure the world is getting more selfish and self absorbed by the day

YANBU, it's just normal decency to sort your debts out first before treating yourself to expensive luxuries.