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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make my daughter contribute all her savings to an iPhone

71 replies

Judgeybear · 29/07/2014 23:19

My DD wants an iPhone 5s for her 11 birthday. I'm horrified- I don't even have an iPhone 5s!! She has £200 in savings and I'm insisting she contributes the lot towards it if she really wants it. The worst part is she attends a school where there are a lot of rich families (we're not by any men's rich) and some if the children have had iPhone 5s given to them without any contribution. I'm now getting grief from DD about this which I think is what's upsetting me most. DD has no real concept of how much all this cost but I think it's the rampant materialism that's upsetting me. Am I behind the times?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 30/07/2014 01:46

£200 is a lot of money if you don't normally have a big income. How long did it take her to save it? I wouldn't blow it all on a phone which will be outdated in 6 months time.

Save the money for something more useful. It's a good time now for her to learn the value of money. Get her to do some pocket money jobs around the house so that she can appreciate it's worth.

HavanaSlife · 30/07/2014 01:59

I have an 11 year old and if he looks after the crap phone he has for the next 6 months ill have the screen fixed on my old iphone. If he wanted a new one he would have to pay for it all himself

differentnameforthis · 30/07/2014 02:16

I would be reluctant to give an iphone to an 11yr who has no concept of their value.

I think spending that much money on a phone is ludicrous for an 11yr old, her own money or not.

Bluecarrot · 30/07/2014 02:38

But if you do go ahead I've seen deals on ee for "free" iphone on £25pm contract for 24 months. She could earn money on ongoing basis to cover it?

I bought my 11 year old a Nokia lumia instead (£80), and did a payg sim.

Ericaequites · 30/07/2014 04:20

People in Hades want ice water, too. An eleven year old doesn't need an iPhone. She needs a very simple phone for emergencies and crises, and lecture on How Nothing on the Interwebs Is Ever Gone.

KoalaDownUnder · 30/07/2014 05:32

I think new iPhones for 11-year-olds is ridiculous. My niece has just turned 13 and insists that 'all the other kids at her school have one'. They don't, even at her expensive private school, and she's been told she won't be getting one until she has a part-time job at 15 to pay for it.

Stick to your guns, OP.

WeBelieveInLove · 30/07/2014 07:14

There are better phones than iPhones that cost a lot less. It's just a status symbol. Ask her why it has to be an iphone and what she intend to use it for?

Lonecatwithkitten · 30/07/2014 07:47

I have a favourite saying for this situation 'I am not everyone else's Mum'. Vodaphone have their own smart phone that would satisfy everything,but the label at less than a twelfth of the price.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/07/2014 07:48

Setting aside the arguments over Apple/Android and contract/PAYG, the thing that struck me was "I'm now getting grief from DD..."

Dearie me, that's not how it works at all. An 11 girl is on the cusp of her transformation into "Satan with hair straighteners". Be firm on this, or you're in for 5 years of hell.

You're in for 5 years of hell anyway, but it's so much better if DD comes out the other end reasonably unspoiled.

PinklePurr · 30/07/2014 07:54

Does she know the iPhone 6 is due for release within the next few months?

JCDenton · 30/07/2014 08:20

I never understand the people who come into these threads and say that they don't 'need'san iPhone. It's a birthday! What do you buy for birthdays? A bus pass and some military rations?

Anyway, it's excessive for an eleventh birthday, absolutely, especially given the long contract length in a lot of cases, it's perfectly reasonable to ask to go 50/50 or more or club together with other relatives to buy a very big present.

charlieandlola · 30/07/2014 08:29

If she goes to school with "rich children" what will
You do when she comes back and demands the next thing that you really can't afford ?

You will be making a rod for your own back if you give in on this , IMHO . A secondhand Iphone 4 on Tesco/GiffGaff for an 11 year old is a bloody good phone !

My ds has an old 3 iphone but all the kids in his y7 tutor group have Samsungs, so he is most miffed !

fuzzpig · 30/07/2014 08:31

Don't give in! If she really wants it she should contribute all her savings. If she says no, you can just say Well, you obviously don't need it THAT much do you?

fuzzpig · 30/07/2014 08:31

Although I agree an older model/second hand would be much more reasonable anyway

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/07/2014 08:34

Ours are younger and home educated so I don't have much experience of the peer pressure with stuff like this, but has she actually used one? Or is it just because it's apple? If so, I would take her to the phone shop and get her to really look at it and think about if she will use all of the things on it. Also if you take her to the phone shop rather than an apple store you won't get the hard sell/ I want a carrier bag thing and she might see something cheaper that she likes the look of just as much. Another tactic I would try is demonstrating what else she could buy for that money (a day trip Books, lots of trips to the cinema, jewelry?) Or remind her how long it takes to save that much eg. 'You do know that that's ex (months, years) of allowance, don't you?' and impress on her that you will not replace it when the next model comes out.

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/07/2014 08:36

Ps I'm not a fan of apple, so may be biased.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 30/07/2014 08:47

Sim free phones with Gif Gaf type sim only contracts are usually cheaper than 24 month contracts at thirty odd quid a month - always add up how much it is going to cost you over the 24 month contract to compare costs. Obviously though, you have to pay a large lump sump upfront.

It is, however, ridiculously extravagent for an 11 YO, especially if she doesn't take good care of things. Would a cheaper iphone or another brand be a compromise?

I was under the impression that Android ones were more popular now, because they were cheaper and just as good/better and people don't like being held to Apple's controlling ways.

I wouldn't bother with insurance if you do get one - policies are expensive and riddled with exclusions and often take the stance 'if you have lost or broken your phone, or it has been stolen, you obviously didn't take sufficient care of it so we won't pay out'.

Another thing to consider is does she understand about things like in app purchases and out of contract charges? People run up bills of thousands on stuff like this every day.

NotNewButNameChanged · 30/07/2014 08:55

I only got my first smartphone last month and I am 40. It's not an iPhone. It can download apps, take photos, surf the internet, do emails, Facebook, Twitter. It's great. It cost £90 new or £7.50 on contract for 250 mins per month, 5000 texts per months and 500MB of data per month. One of my friends who doesn't have a smartphone is going to get one the same because she's been so impressed with it.

IF an 11-year old really NEEDS a smartphone (and I don't believe they do), they certainly don't need it to be an iPhone.

differentnameforthis · 30/07/2014 09:03

Ps I'm not a fan of apple, so may be biased

They are massively overrated, imo. I have a Samsung, dh has an iphone (work phone, so he doesn't get a choice) and we both like mine much more over the iphone.

EVERYTHING we need it to do takes too much effort. Got Wifi recently, Samsung products (2) took minutes to connect, one iphone took 30 minutes & googling to solve the issue, and then it was talking about updates, apps & heaven knows what else! No quick clear answer (and that was on the iphone forums)

The only thing I prefer is the camera, but seeing as I don't use camera on phones a whole lot, it makes little difference.

NorwaySpruce · 30/07/2014 09:13

My 10 YO has a cheap (£15) PAYG phone for when they are out, or home alone.

I'd be fine with them having an iPod Touch or iPad, but not a smartphone.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 30/07/2014 09:21

While youre here, different, could please answer me a couple of questions?

Have Android phones improved over the last couple of years? I had a HTC Desire and then a Huawei Ascend about 2/3 years go they were my first smartphones. I now have an iphone 4 and may replace it in a year or two. Its generally fine, but a little slow sometimes. I havent had any problems like you describe, things have generally gone smoothly.

I got rid of the Android phones because neither would let me have more than a very small number of apps before running out of memory (only about 5-10). Surely thats not right? There were separate memory cards, but the phones would only allow apps to go on the tiny internal memory, most of which was filled with a load of useless stuff that I couldnt delete.

I would say Im a light user most people would have far more apps than me.

Every time I tried to get help with it, people demanded to know things that I didnt understand like was it on cheesecake/tomatoes etc and I was always told to root it or load black forest gateau and I tried to do these things but it never worked so I just gave up.

I just want a phone that works straight out of the box and my iphone 4 has done this. But if I ever want to replace it, I would have an Android if it could serve my relatively limited needs and I would be especially happy if it would be cheaper than an iphone, because I dont want to pay a lot of money for a phone and dont see them as impressive status symbols.

lurkerspeaks · 30/07/2014 09:34

The technique I like best to deal with teenage excesses is to simply state "my present budget is X" (or my budget to buy you new clothes) and ask the child to make up the difference from savings or to ask other relatives to contribute.

I suspect a lot of angst for older teens/ young adults could be avoided if the realities of budgeting were brought home early before they have credit cards! I have several friends (we are now mid 30s) who are still paying off university era excesses paid for at the time by credit card.

Princesselsaanna · 30/07/2014 09:50

Do all get friends really have a 5s? My kids are also at a wealthy school with a lot of very spoilt children. A couple have a 5c but the majority have a parents out of contract iphone4 on sim only or PAYG or a low spec Samsung. They are year 7.

Pooka · 30/07/2014 09:54

Dd has a third hand iPhone 3. It's adequate. She hankers after something newer, but she will not be getting one from us, and if she chooses to save for the next year, including any money from Christmas or birthday, then that is up to her. I think the need to part with her own cash has tempered her desire a little!

When the next iPhone comes out, dh will prob pass on his 5 to work, and pass a work (his business, so not dodgy) 4 onto her.

Joysmum · 30/07/2014 09:54

We wanted our daughter to have an iPhone if she was getting a smart phone. The parental controls can't be matched with other smartphones and so this was for our own peace of mind. It wasn't a new one.

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