To think this was a shitty thing for DH to say?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Last night we were talking about work, I've been working full time and am hoping to go back to part time soon. He said would I consider staying full time and I said we'd have to get a cleaner for me to even consider it. (Housework doesn't come naturally to me & coping with full time work and 2 boys under 5 is hard work). I said that I found it hard to manage everything & he looked at me & said 'well what do you actually do now, cleaning wise?'

Apologies for the he said/I said posting style but I'm still smouldering about this. I thought we'd shared the housework equally but apparently not.

AIBU?

And your sure he was being pointed and not genuinely trying to assess what jobs you did, so he could understand where the slack would be?

If he was being rude yanbu of course, but the way you wrote it, he could have said it two ways.

All depends on the tone and spirit.

Is he a bit of a problem solver, and genuinely asking what you do?
In which case, I wouldn't smoulder just say "look, that may have been unintentional but it made me feel cross - but let's use it as a springboard to sort out what needs to be done, and how to split it".

Or is he a tosser and was just being critical of what you do now?

No he meant it in a critical way. He apologised later for saying it but apparently had the hump with my mum over something he overheard her say 2 weeks ago.

I'm just still annoyed about it.

The trouble is, whenever I do stuff round the house I just kind of quietly get on with it, when he does it he always makes a big deal of it, and I have to actually thank him for doing it, so I genuinely think he doesn't notice what I do.

Sorry if this is sounding like drip feeding, sometimes I don't know what's relevant until I've started posting.

Ok - don't do it for a week and see if he notices.

Write a his and her list of current responsibilities and ask which he wants to swap with you

it's funny how often on here there's one in the relationship that gets on with a task and one who like praise for a task. I wonder if it's because we view our own tasks as important and another's as less so? That or an awful lot of people married idiots. Thinking out loud as I think this sometimes but seeing another write it makes me think about it than just agree iykwim.

Dh used to announce when he had done something (I just filled the dishwasher kind of thing)

Kids and I got into routine of exclaiming "get the gold medal", "I'll organise the ticker tape parade" or a round of applause.

Got him out the habit pretty quick.

It is a jerky thing to say. Ask him what he does

Agree it depends on tone.

He could have been planning on assessing what needs doing each week, and whether a cleaner is feasible.

Well, when I do something I make sure I point it out to DH so he knows what I do, and he does the same. Otherwise we really don't notice unless it's obvious, like dishes or laundry. But things like tidying up or vacuuming, I wouldn't notice if he didn't tell me, and neither would he.

Point is, what is he doing around the house? You work full time, I think you're entitled to spend some of that money on a cleaner if you two don't have time.

DH has a habit of announcing that he's done the washing up, put the rubbish out etc "for me". I've asked pointedly whether by any chance any of his crockery was in the washing up, or any of his stuff in the rubbish, but it seems to wash over him.

The ones I hate are when DH says "I've loaded the dishwasher for you "
or "I've put the washing out for you ". Not your plates or your clothes then .

Ha ha Icimoi , you've got one of those as well

I've got one too! To be honest I presumed it was what most men did!