Aibu to think that life should be about picking people up?

[MummaB1014]

I'm a regular browser of aibu threads, an occasional poster.

I can't help but notice that whatever the question posed, people feel a need to be rude and critical in their response. I'm talking every topic from p&c parking, to distribution of chores, to getting children to comply with chores/bedtime/rules...

Whatever happened to just being supportive? I'm not saying everyone has to agree on everything, but just because we're a faceless group doesn't mean people have to be downright rude. There are ways you can put things that while an opposite opinion, still come across as nice rather then nasty!

I shall await the 'you're so naive/don't come on mnet' comments...

Just be nice!

it's weird isn't it, like people take the most opposite view possible, then the rest of the thread follows. people play devils advocate for their own entertainment.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. The internet is where people think it's okay to take out their aggression on others because there is no real life repercussions. A support network that is actually supportive is a much nicer idea.

You'll never get rid of the nasty, goady fuckers who delight in being spiteful.

I agree, which is why I generally stay away from posting in AIBU

I assume that most people asking if they are being unreasonable want the truth, not "wow, you're so amazing and fantastic, of course you're entitled to park in the disabled space because it's closest to the shopping centre, you were in a rush, supporting you hun, don't let anyone tell you you're wrong xxx"

Yabu

I think, if there's a sensitive or emotional AIBU the majority of posters are kind and understanding.

If the AIBU is ' I left the dog/kids in the car on a hot day while I ran to get my fake tan done and a passer by called the police' then it invites a leathering.

So bluebell/staying classy is there not a way (like you have to me) to say yabu without jumping down people's throats? You don't have to agree to still be supportive. Using your example bluebell, can you not say Yabu to park in a disabled space is you are not disabled... And leave it at that?

It feels like some people will look for any excuse to be unkind when most of us encounter enough of that in day to day life as it is.

Just makes me sad. It's no wonder people are often scared to ask for help or an opinion when they're often met with that kind of response...

I'm not sure about in a place like aibu but in real life I think we should be kinder to one another.

I've recently spent some time with a friend I hadn't seen for years. We were involved in a few difficult situations involving an ill mutual friend . My friend was so kind, and made a point of telling me how well I was coping and pointing out all the things I'd done well.

it made me realise I'm not in the habit of acknowledging other people's strengths and successes and I'm not actually very supportive.

I've vowed to learn from this experience and to try and be kinder and more appreciative of those around me.

Personally I made a decision that I wouldn't be different on the internet as I am in real life. In RL I'm not rude or abusive and I won't allow myself to be like that on here either. I think it's cowardly and mean.

I think it's easy to have a go at people on the internet. It's pretty anonymous.

I have recently read quite a few posts from perfect posters who appear to make an OP whose crime is a teeny one, feel more miserable and keep knocking them down. It's easy to be nasty but it's also depressing.

But then there's brilliant people. Thankfully still the majority on here.

I cannot do with the "oh hunni..." stuff but there's sometimes nasty rudeness.

YANBU. If you try to imagine the equivalent tone in spoken exchanges, many AIBU-ers would sound shrill, sneery and abrasive in RL.

I dislike dismissive replies, but I also dislike bandwagon posters when a post takes off then there is five nearly identical threads created just to get big responses. Aibu is not the place generally for support, as you are asking for opposing views, many posters ask the question with no intention of listening to other views or worse then drip feeds and the other poster feels like a dick for giving an opinion for the goal posts to change.

There is times when being nice and supportive is false there is something to be said for the good old fashioned get a grip love you are being ridiculous, most people are supportive though

I find this forum generally supportive and always try to be positive in my responses and to be polite and constructive when replying to a request for advice.

However we all have ideas about what is good, and bad, for our children, so it's inevitable that differences of opinion and heated debate will ensue. I suppose most, if not all of us, are here to widen our horizons so hearing of different experiences to our own and sharing what we know is the whole point - I try to strike a balance between speaking and listening so that Mumsnet is a useful, interesting and well rounded dialogue. I feel that on the whole everyone else does too.

It is possible to tell someone they're being unreasonable without also sticking the boot in or being snide and bitchy:

'YABU, maybe wait until you've calmed down and had time to think'

vs

'YABU, what an overreaction, I can't believe you were so rude, you haven't got a clue what the other person was thinking, and you spelled a word wrong'

Sorry, crap examples, can't think of anything good!

YANBU - there was an AIBU thread earlier and I genuinely couldn't believe the tone some posters were taking, even after the MNHQ warning.

I do wonder whether some people enjoy twisting the knife because they're too scared to say boo to a goose in RL. Also, if you truly want to change someone's mind then going on a personal attack isn't going to influence them - clearly pointing out flaws in their thinking in a non-critical way is far more likely to have an impact.

Glad to see that there are plenty of level headed people out there. I always try and see both sides, sometimes I struggle, but I certainly hope I'm never rude or personal. Keep up the positive posting fellow posters. We all need a shoulder sometimes. Even when we know we certainly are being unreasonable!

Xxx

I am always civil to posters I think but if I feel strongly I cant there there it just feels false to mw

mumma YANBU. I'm of the "if you cant think of something nice/constructive/helpful to say, dont say anything" school of thought.

I have (a long time ago) made a few - shall we say - "robust" bits of advice and feedback, but afterwards felt I was awful for doing that (even when the OP was rather irritating).

I agree that we should be supportive towards each other, and if the thread winds us up, then best to just walk away.

I have learned my lesson, I know it made me feel horrible to say unkind things, so I read a post, then decide if I can I contribute usefully and constructively, and have often stepped away from the thread. I sometimes even draft a reply, then read it back and discard it, if the thread has irritated me and I sound orrible

Its interesting there is a current MNHQ thread saying they will be taking a careful look at AIBU in future, it got a little better for a couple of days, but some of the old behaviour is creeping back....

Sorry a few typos, fat fingers and iPad dont go well together