Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Aibu to hate the old lady on the bus today

38 replies

Edinburghmummy12 · 28/07/2014 21:01

Ok I went out for lunch with my DM and dd. my dd has her nap after lunch when out and about she has it in her pram. but today she didn't for some reason today was all fine intel she started to get tried so after we got of the tram I put her in her pram so she could nap all was fine intil we got on the bus and she started screaming big time . I knew there was no way to get of because the buses one every few hrs . I kept her in her pram and tried to sooth her but she just got very over tried as this was happening I people were tuting and whispering why I wasn't picking her up now I no that if I picked her up it wouldnt help at all . Then came the old lady that made sure I was looking before she give me a your a shit mother look . So I got of the bus and walked home crying didn't even care what people thought . Why do people judge it's not fair .

OP posts:

pictish · 28/07/2014 21:04

Awww OP sympathies...I've been there too. And got off the bus in tears.
Bless you.

Catsize · 28/07/2014 21:05

Why didn't you pick her up?

iliketea · 28/07/2014 21:05

As much as I sympathise, i think the old lady on the bus has just got your anger because you were feeling at your most stressed when she looked at you.

Have or , watch rubbish on the TV, tomorrow is another day.

LynetteScavo · 28/07/2014 21:07

There will be a thread somewhere else on 'tinternet about a mother who left her DD to cry in the pushchair, and didn't pick her up. The phrase " I hate crap parents" will be used.

People judge because they can. Because they know so much better than other people how to parent complete strangers children. Apparently.

londonrach · 28/07/2014 21:08

How old was dd, why didn't you pick her up. Can see both sides here. Very hard in a bus with a screaming child especially if you have a hearing aid as it goes through you. Hope you returned to wine and choc. A lot of children struggling in this heat x

Original poster

Edinburghmummy12 · 28/07/2014 21:09

I didn't pick up be because I just would've helped she would have cryed even more and even hurt me or her . She got that overtired cos when she's tried she sleeps and when she didn't seem to be tried I didn't force it putting her in pram etc she's 18 months btw

OP posts:

daisydee43 · 28/07/2014 21:10

hi op urgh i hate people like this - i was once forced off a bus cos an old lady wanted to sit in my seat next to dd but i didnt know she wanted it - bus etiqute sucks. i have now had a car for the last 6 months ita great. everyone has their own parenting methods so its noone elses business. sorry theu made you feel so bad

Happy36 · 28/07/2014 21:11

The people on the bus were being unreasonable. Some of them must have been parents. Don't they realise babies cry sometimes?

Personally I would rather hear a baby crying than second hand music from headphones, someone clicking the keys of a BlackBerry repeatedly or someone else's loud and inane telephone conversation.

Ignore the old woman and others like her. Have a relaxing evening.

Original poster

Edinburghmummy12 · 28/07/2014 21:11

I do understand that a screaming baby isn't that nice to hear

OP posts:

deakymom · 28/07/2014 21:15

i got a toothsuck and an oh my goodness when i casually asked my misbehaving child to behave or i would remove his DSI! really what would they prefer all there food in the supermarket poked to death!

you tried your best you cant do more xx

Catsize · 28/07/2014 21:17

I think I would have probably picked it up to appease the 'why don't you pick it up' brigade and then they would SEE it would make no difference. Although they would have probably judged you for the way you were holding the child or something. You have my sympathies though OP. Just done a weekend in London solo with a baby and a toddler and had a few moments like this.

Lally112 · 28/07/2014 21:17

Having been in both positions neither is easy but to everyone else you looked like you were ignoring the baby by not picking her up. I have been there when one of mine is screaming bloody murder and everyone is staring and I have been there (usually with a stinking headache) when someones kid is testing their lung capacity.

Edinburgh was hot and humid today, trapped on public transport in this heat with a screaming baby is not going to bring out the best in the general publics personalities so get a thicker skin (or a car), you will face tougher shit with motherhood than a stare from some auld codger

pictish · 28/07/2014 21:17

That's the thing...someone else's screaming baby is a terrible noise...it goes right through you.
I'd never express my annoyance though, because I'm too busy remembering it for myself and sympathising.
I do think people forget what it was like.

Catsize · 28/07/2014 21:18

DSI?

MuddlingMackem · 28/07/2014 21:52

Someone else's baby is exactly that, someone else's baby . . . and therefore someone else's problem. I love the fact that these days it's definitely not mine screaming and I can therefore just tune them out.

Just learn to zone out anyone else. When you've got a baby who's crying and there's nowt you can do about it you really just have to switch off from everyone else around you for the sake of your sanity. Just remember, the other people can get away from the screaming when they or you get off the bus but you're stuck with it!

Other people's kids singing on the bus though, now that's annoying.

IHeartKingThistle · 28/07/2014 21:56

I was on a bus once with tiny PFB in pram and she was screaming. I was doing my best but all these old ladies were tutting me and it was awful. I thought you weren't allowed to take them out of the pram on a bus! Didn't realise for weeks

Ignore them OP.

TattyDevine · 28/07/2014 21:57

If you don't care what anyone thought about you crying, you shouldn't care about anyone with an opinion about your child and how you deal with that child.

Not a criticism - just advice to channel that stubbornness to do what is right for you and your child.

Igggi · 28/07/2014 22:05

It's hard for an onlooker to know the difference between a mother who isn't picking up her toddler as it won't help, and one who isn't doing it as she really isn't that bothered.
Yes they shouldn't need to be involved but it is so hard to hear a child in distress and think they aren't being looked after.

In this scenario I'd probably have gone for some loud parenting "oh little one you're tired aren't you and if mummy picks you up you'll just get more upset but don't worry we'll be home soon blah blah".

Igggi · 28/07/2014 22:06

Which city buses are only one every few hours? (Curious)

Original poster

Edinburghmummy12 · 28/07/2014 22:17

Thank you means a lot that am not being out of order but in a way no one was .trust me I wanted to pick her up but it would've helped ..... I get tram into town then a non local bus/coach home feel bad for saying I hate the old lady now

OP posts:

VashtaNerada · 28/07/2014 22:21

YANBU. Totally get why a tired baby should stay in a buggy. People should butt out.

Bettercallsaul1 · 28/07/2014 22:21

OP, you made the best decision you could at the time - you judged that your tired baby would settle better lying in her pram rather than being taken out and cuddled. No-one was better equipped than you to make that decision - you know your baby and her reactions whereas a crowd of complete strangers on the bus did not. Of course you were right to trust your own knowledge and instincts rather than go against them to appease the other passengers.

But whatever you did, the heat and your daughter's overtiredness would have defeated any solution you tried -she would have yelled her head off if you'd picked her up as well! So, basically damned whatever you did!

Everyone is sensitive to criticism of the way we look after their children - whether spoken or conveyed in looks -but that is because we take our children's welfare so seriously and that is very good for the children! Everyone has bad days with babies and toddlers and lots of people will be having more than usual in this very hot summer. Do not let this unimportant incident doubt yourself as a mother - you did the best for your daughter under very difficult and stressful circumstances.

WarblingOyster · 28/07/2014 22:26

Aww it's ok OP. Every parent will be there/have been there at some point. I had to pretend it wasn't happening the other week luckily, nobody gave me any funny looks as I was already at the end of my tether!
As for not taking her out, to those who ask, it can just make the situation worse. Better to have a screaming child strapped in a pram safely, than one throwing themselves about on their parents lap (still screaming) on a moving bus.

Figster · 28/07/2014 22:28

Did she sleep in the end? Would she have stopped crying and been content looking out window? At 18mo she might have done from the perspective of the others you sharing that space with you were just ignoring and not dealing with the issue.

I had a screamer in his chair he screamed in it til he was 9mo every time .........I carried him a lot which I said I'd never do so I speak as someone who had the judgey eyes on me.

ilovesooty · 28/07/2014 22:28

"some auld codger" Lally?

Charming.

OP it must have been very stressful for you, especially in this heat and distressing for your baby. I hope you both feel better now but surely this would have been upsetting whatever the age of the other person?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread